mrbluenobody Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 (edited) My girlfriend broke up with me about a week ago. Only dated for four months but I pretty much loved her already. She left because she stated that she wasn't "in love" with me and figured she should be by that point so she figures i'm not "the one". She stated that she needs to figure things out (date around no doubt) and she thinks she "might" be making the biggest mistake of her life. I told her if we break up we will not be friends (no contact) and I will not be waiting for her......must start grieving the loss. She said if she realizes she made a mistake in x amount of months from now that she'll take the chance and contact me anyways. After off and on contact I decided to call her today and said....you know what....I no longer care...I'm not gonna sit over here and pine away about the loss. What's done is done so there's no reason for this no contact Bullship!!! I said, we have great chemisty, fun together and since it won't bother her emotionally, why not Friends with Benefits? She said she was afraid I couldn't handle it and I said just knowing that it wouldn't bother you gives me all the resolve I need to move forward. We both agreed not to discuss any dates with other people we may be going on. Anyways, If I do this.....supposing I may want to get back together with her one day, will this ruin the chances?? If I decided I would like to reconcile 6 months down the road would it be better to go no contact or would there be a benefit to reconciliation through Friends with Benefits? Not even sure I would ever want to be with her again as bf/gf though. I was thinking about using this as a way to get her chasing/jealous. I told her the responsiblity to contact to get together was hers. Since she wanted the breakup this makes since (no pressure on her). Basically, I'm thinking that when she contacts for a booty call I can A)Not answer the phone or B)Answer and say....oh, sorry, can't make it tonight, I'm busy Endless possibilities. Could have a lot of fun with this! Edited October 20, 2010 by mrbluenobody Link to post Share on other sites
Billie The Puppet Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 FWB is a dangerous road to take, I think that's exactly where I was after my ex took a "break" from me. Ie when we got back together it wasn't a relationship in her eyes it was so she could use me , financially, sexually and not have a care in the world for me. Yet discussed engagement etc to keep me on the line. I think FWB is a bad route because one will have more feelings for the other and once the other moves on it will sting again. However it could work out in the way that you are having sex while broken up for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 Vanish off the map.. Link to post Share on other sites
Don Ho Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 I think you're grasping at straws. Don't you find it a little demeaning to you to offer to be FWB with her? No, you're not going to be able to seduce her back into a relationship even if in 6 months you become FWBs. You're just going to find yourself hurt and disappointed ..... again. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 Move on with life and focus on yourself.. Link to post Share on other sites
strangeways Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 I tried that many years ago. F**ked me whenever she wanted (not often by the way) and as soon as she got a new boyriend she was gone. It was a disaster. Never again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrbluenobody Posted October 21, 2010 Author Share Posted October 21, 2010 Thanks for all the advice. I was thinking of sending the following email. Any suggestions? I was getting my haircut, yesterday afternoon, when my barber (Jerri) asked about our trip. I was caught off guard. I reflected for a few moments before I responded. I told her the many things we did together which, of course, brought a smile to my face. When I got to thinking about you and I, at Dolphin Cove and Aqautica, I realized I definitely need no contact to give myself an opportunity to heal and not just bury my feelings. I could do the FWB thing but it wouldn't be fair to anyone new in my life. If I'm going to be there for someone, I'm going to be there 100%. I don't want my past relationships affecting someone I'll find in the future. Additionally, I care more about you than that and I care enough about myself not to do it. It was a thought...but that's all it will be. I want to be able to openly express how I feel about someone I'm with and, of course, be there with the intention of building more. I'm looking for a girlfriend, for a relationship, something more meaningful. Whether you realize it or not now...no contact is the best thing for you also. Unfortunately, with me in the picture, I believe it would just cloud your judgement and possibly prolong you finding peace. I really do just want you to be happy. I hope you can sort out your past. Remember Alison, like you told me, happiness is within you and like I told you...so is closure...you'll never get it from someone else. I'll never forget you Ali and If fate will have it, maybe this is just goodbye for now and not goodbye forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Don Ho Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 NO !!!! DO NOT send that email or any email!! Bro, you are going to look totally weak and pathetic. LET IT GO!! Say nothing. Remember: when you get dumped ALL you have left is your DIGNITY!! Do not give that away too. BTW, there is a recent thread about keeping your dignity after a breakup. If you haven't go read it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrbluenobody Posted October 21, 2010 Author Share Posted October 21, 2010 (edited) But, if I don't send it...she will call. What do I do....ignore her calls after we agreed to FWB? I don't want her thinking she can just call me whenever she wants for a booty call....leaving the power in her hands which is why I wanted to send the email saying I'd changed my mind. Also, I want to start No contact now and don't want to wait for her call to do it. Edited October 21, 2010 by mrbluenobody Link to post Share on other sites
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