JP2009 Posted September 29, 2010 Share Posted September 29, 2010 I'm going to try to keep this as short as I can. Met a girl over Christmas break. She is from here but goes to school a thousand miles away. She left but we stayed in contact. Decided to date. I never had a long distance relationship so I didn't know what I really wanted. I was having fun partying back home and she didn't like it much. We stayed in contact and talked all the time even though we weren't "dating". She came home for spring break. We had our fun. I went to visit her a couple months later. Had our fun again, just like we were dating. After I got home from my vacation out there, it seemed different we started to get distant and not talk as much. She finally said it isn't working out. I was devastated. I tried and tried to get her to keep talking to me. She told me she wanted to wait and see what happened when she came back for the summer. So summer comes, first day back she contacts me and wants me to come hang out so I do. Take her home and we end up doing things that you'd do in a relationship. So it messes with my mind of course. So throughout the summer I always felt like I was her option. Kept me around just in case. But yet we still did things and had sex. Last week she is in town things got heated and come to find out she had feelings for one of my friends but he says he doesn't like her because he has a girlfriend. Doesn't mean they don't talk behind everybody's back. Also find out that she slept with somebody else this summer. But I stayed by her side and told her it was ok and I still wanted to be with her. The last few days she couldn't get enough of me, wanted to hang out with me all the time and I even went with her and her parents to the airport. As she is hugging me and crying she says "I'm sorry I was such a bad person this summer". I said it's ok. She calls me when she lands for her connecting flight and says "I had fun this summer but wished I would have done things differently". I said "what's that". She said "I wish I would have hung out with you more". Again I said "it's ok". She gets back to school and things go south again, and she just doesn't seem like she wants anything to do with me again. I get upset and tell her that I'm done. I told her this many times this summer and when I'd say it she would come right back and be close to me for a day or two. Anyway, I said we are done and we need to not talk because we both have things we need to figure out. She gets on webcam and is crying. So this messes with my mind but I stick to my guns and we go our separate ways. Few days later I thought for sure I would have heard from her. Didn't, so stupid me sends her a message. Long story short, she ends up telling me she doesn't want to be with me or anybody and she needs to figure out who she is before she can be something to somebody else. We ended up talking normal convo and said bye and I haven't heard from her for five days now. I don't get how somebody could play such stupid games and keep coming back knowing that they don't want anything to do with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Don Ho Posted September 30, 2010 Share Posted September 30, 2010 Bro, sorry but she's just not that into you. I don't know that she's intentionally playing games with you, but it's kind of like "out of sight out of mind". You're definitely more into her than she is to you. That's bad. Ok. You had some fun. Chalk it up to that, dump her and move on. She's not going to become what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted September 30, 2010 Share Posted September 30, 2010 Sorry about the situation, but you need to learn from this. She wanted you, when she wanted you. When there were gaps that she needed filled. When she came back and contacted you on the first day, you went to her. Don't make that mistake again because you are validating her actions. The cycle would continue and she would just keep doing the same thing over and over and over again. Learn from this and don't let it happen again. This girl is not for you, she's an opportunist...use this opportunity to thank your lucky stars and move on. ...and when she tries to contact you during some break that she has, ignore her. What she did was classless... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JP2009 Posted September 30, 2010 Author Share Posted September 30, 2010 In the back of my mind I knew better. I just knew she was treating me like dirt. But she would always say the right thing to get me to come back to her. You know how it is when you're holding on to hope. I think about everything she did to me this summer and it just irritates me so bad. I want to just tell her were to shove it. But I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of her knowing that it is still eating at me. Link to post Share on other sites
Don Ho Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 How do you like the tables being turned; her acting like the man and you acting like the woman? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 As much as you think you got "played", you didn't, it's more like you allowed yourself to be mistreated. She showed her true colours to you over and over again and you just kept telling her it was "okay"- even though you knew it wasn't. All this stuff about liking your friend, sleeping with another guy- those are things you never should have accepted as "okay". I completely understand the inclination to let things slide when you have strong feelings for someone. When you like someone, you tend to overlook or disregard things you shouldn't. Next time, set some boundaries and stick to them, you'll save yourself "getting played" again. As much as you think you weren't, you really were in charge the whole time, you had the option to walk away when she wasn't treating you well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JP2009 Posted October 9, 2010 Author Share Posted October 9, 2010 Well exactly two weeks after not talking to her she texts me. "Hey. Just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing" I know it means nothing so I never replied. Wonder how upset that makes her But it's not my problem anymore. It feels so good to be at a point where I'm not jumping at her reaching out to see if I'm still there waiting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JP2009 Posted October 14, 2010 Author Share Posted October 14, 2010 Well it's been almost a week since I ignored her text. Haven't heard anything else from her. Guess maybe she got the hint that I'm not happy with her. I thought maybe I'd get the "so we done talking then?" text. But I got nothing. Not like it matters to me just thought I'd hear something from her. So do you think she's a little mad about me ignoring her text? I'd like to be friends with her someday down the road, so I'd rather not piss her off too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Don Ho Posted October 14, 2010 Share Posted October 14, 2010 Bro, you're broken up. Leave it alone. Don't worry about pissing her off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JP2009 Posted October 18, 2010 Author Share Posted October 18, 2010 Well she text me again last night since I didn't reply to her last text over a week ago. It said "can we be friends yet?" I didn't reply. So I woke up to an email saying "I hate that you ignore me. Didn't know saying hi was such a big deal. I just miss my friend..." What is wrong with this girl? Does she not understand that not everybody can get over us as fast as she can? Link to post Share on other sites
Don Ho Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 Well, you could always email her back something short and to the point like this: "When you break off a relationship, you lose the friendship also. You can't have it both ways, that's just the way it works. I will contact you if and when I want to pursue a platonic friendship. Please respect my wishes". Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 Second Don Ho, until then, vanish off the map, leave no traces.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JP2009 Posted October 18, 2010 Author Share Posted October 18, 2010 Well I sent this before I read your replies. It wasn't short, but I think I got my point across. I sent it over two hours ago and she hasn't replied. So I guess maybe she got the hint. You know (name). These last few weeks have been so drama-free and my sleep has been amazing. I've met people who don't make me feel like **** and they think about me and how their actions would impact me, friends or not. It's not all about them. I understand you miss me as a friend. I can honestly say that there are days that I miss the old (name), I miss talking to her and webcaming with her. But everytime those memories come to mind, the new (name) floods them out. All the pain, drama, anger and sleepless nights she caused me. No friend of mine will ever do that to me. If you would have said something a few weeks ago I would have jumped all over it because I was so drained and willing to do anything to keep you in my life. But I'm not ready for you to be in my life as just a friend. Thank you for the compliment of you missing a friend, but I'm just not ready for friends (name). I miss the (name) I met, and for me to be able to talk to the (name) I met just as friends it's going to have to be awhile because I fell in love with that (name). I know you have plenty of friends, there has to be a couple that you can text to take my place. I understand you're over "us", and you just want to be friends, that's great. But I need to take care of myself, and I've got myself back to where I was when you met me and feeling pretty good about it. I'm not ready to take a step back. I truly hope you are having fun and loving life (name). You are a good person. I do hope that someday we can be friends because I think we are good people. But all the pain is still too fresh right now... Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 She writes back, don't respond. Just disappear man. Don't transfer the power. Vanish off into the night without traces.....No contact, u have to show u mean business... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JP2009 Posted October 18, 2010 Author Share Posted October 18, 2010 I caved... ugh. She started talking to me on messenger. I told myself that I just need to be an adult and man up. She has moved on and I need to too. I'm hoping I can stay as strong as I've been the last few weeks. Just need to keep it short if she decides to talk to me. I wont be making the first contact. I'm so stupid! Link to post Share on other sites
Don Ho Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 JP it happens Bro. Now delete her from your IM so you won't be tempted anymore. You should not be responding at all unless she contacts and says "I made a big mistake, I'm sorry, I will do anything to get you back and make this work". Short of that and it's a big waste of time and will just prevent you from moving on. Next time don't be such a pussy! Link to post Share on other sites
Author JP2009 Posted October 19, 2010 Author Share Posted October 19, 2010 I know haha. I can't believe I caved. I was doing so good. I'm still doing good. It just puts it into perspective when she mentions things that makes it sound like she is completely over us. I mean I figured she probably was but coming straight from her is different. She told me she missed talking to me. After that I caved. ugh Link to post Share on other sites
Don Ho Posted October 19, 2010 Share Posted October 19, 2010 Yeah. Missed "talking". And having her cake and eating it too. Next time ignore her. Link to post Share on other sites
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