rma Posted August 4, 2003 Share Posted August 4, 2003 My girlfriend and I recently went on vacation together. The vacation went very well until the last day. We got into a fight/argument and I broke the cardinal rules-personal, critical, and off-topic (nothing physcial). By the time we got to the airport at home, we were not speaking. Before I left the airport to go my own way, I tried to calm things down explaining that I did not mean the things I said. We hugged goodbye and I left for my trip overseas 1.5 days later. We emailed back-and-forth and I was under the impression that we were going to fix things when I got back. Well, I am back and there has been very little response except for anger and she is still upset with me. During my trip, I had a lot of success for the business. Now I am back and cannot even tell the good news to the person who is most important to me. I have emailed her and she wants to let things settle for a "couple of weeks or so" Here is her last response: "I have no doubt that you are being sincere, that you love me, or care about me…this you do not have to prove… I think we should just give it all a rest…touch base in a few weeks or so… I need to just let things settle." What is odd about this is that she and I were talking about getting engaged. I had thought about it while I was away and was thinking it was the right thing. Questions: - Do I wait a couple of weeks until contacting her at all? - Should I assume it is over? - Is waiting a couple of weeks only buying time? Do you think a couple of weeks will change things? - If I want to fix the problem what approach should I take? I have done the full explanation of my actions and have apologized profusely. - How do you get things back on track without being pathetic? I am very interested in getting the problem resolved and have personally figured out what I need to to do in order to avoid misunderstandings in the future. How do I communicate this and how long do I need to wait? Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 4, 2003 Share Posted August 4, 2003 well, i want to know why you let your anger get the best of you and attacked her personally. i would not forgive that, that is not ok at all. i think its funny that you are wondering why shes so mad? hello!!! you were extremely mean. i think you need to just let her breathe and NEVER do that crap again. she will probably LEAVE you the next time you ever do that. you need to do what you can to get her back, but give her her space. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted August 4, 2003 Share Posted August 4, 2003 Your post is a bit too vague to answer specific questions. Originally posted by rma - If I want to fix the problem what approach should I take? I have done the full explanation of my actions and have apologized profusely. This, however, seems pretty clear. If you have an internal problem that you need to work on, you absolutely need to address it -- there should be no "IF I want to fix the problem" about it. If you lashed out at your gf unreasonably then you need to figure out what caused you to do so. You need to do that for your own sake, whether or not you remain in a relationship with her. Since you didn't provide much information about what went on, can't say what the best approach will be to address your issue. As for your gf, it sounds like she doubts your ability to see things through. Will you really undertake the changes you're talking about, or is this just lip service to patch things up? It seems to me that you shouldn't be so concerned with "looking pathetic." If you've got issues to work on you need to do that -- failing to do so will look pathetic. If you seriously and sincerely pursue the answers you need and undertake the necessary changes, that will be clear to her, and the question of demonstrating your intentions will be moot. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted August 4, 2003 Share Posted August 4, 2003 Since you don't really provide much info about the fight and what led up to it, I can't tell how much of it was genuinely your fault. You seem to accept that it was, and that may well be the case. But you might want to think about the larger picture. Your gf's continued anger suggests one of two things: a) what you did on holiday was really, really awful, or b) both of you contributed to the fight and she is holding all of it against you now, instead of looking at her own part. If your problems are not entirely things that exist within you, then her unwillingness to discuss things is not a good sign. You ought to figure out what needs to be addressed, deal with what you can by yourself (whatever internal issues there are), and consider the possibility that the relationship isn't going to be saved, especially if she's unwilling to do her part. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenWonder Posted August 4, 2003 Share Posted August 4, 2003 You went on holiday together. You spent an intense amount of time together. Its natural to argue and get off topic when doing so in that situation. It doesn't mean you have huge character flaws or anything, it just shows you're human. It can't have been nice for your girlfriend. Its natural to be annoyed with someone you're spending bucket loads of time with and are comfortable enough to be that way with. I know in a lot of ways I would not be the way I am with my partner to my friends. Its just how it is. However I don't know how horrid you were. Link to post Share on other sites
yagottahelp Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 This is maybe a little off topic-but how come it seems, just from my experience, that the MINUTE a guy slips up it's his fault and the girl says screw this and wants space, it's like a girl is not human and never gets upset. I let things slide sometimes, I feel it's mature to do so-but the minute a girl doesn't agree with something, the tears go on, hearts are broken- Link to post Share on other sites
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