confused_gf Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 Me and my boyfriend have been together 6 months now. He is turning 21 and I am 19. A few days ago at his house, while he was in the shower, I looked at his search history. I knew I would find porn there since he has already openly admitted to watching it and I've already accepted it. But what I found shocked me: about 5-10 searches on google for "rape" porn and two for "lolita" porn. When I heard him coming out of the shower I quickly closed everything and tried to act normal. Later I confronted him about it. At first he lied and said he didn't know how it got there. Then after a while he fessed up, saying he felt very ashamed. He said that he searched those things but never found anything and that normally when he goes to watch porn he picks a video he's already seen before, almost always of a couple who are "in love" having consensual sex. Since our conversation got cut short we are meeting up tomorrow to talk again. I don't know if I should stay with him. I love him so much but I would NEVER tolerate a pedophile or sadist type, let alone date one. I have doubts he is a pedophile because I can tell he is very attracted to me (always wants to have sex, loves my womanly curves). Before this I have always known him to be a sweet loving guy, he almost never gets angry, and he has never tried to rape me or anything like that. I also must admit that I have seen weird things on the internet too. Weird fetish porn, pictures of serial killer crime scenes. It doesn't mean I have any of those fetishes or enjoy killing people, it was all out of curiosity. But when I think about the searches I still get suspicious that he might be into little girls or seeing women abused...bleh advice? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 I wouldn't make any breakup moves until the two of you talk and you share your fears. He may be curious about stuff like that, and curiosity does not mean that he is 'that' way. Link to post Share on other sites
Pfiend101 Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 It's just porn don't over react. Too be quite honest its also his computer. What he does on it is his business. At least it wasn't "gay porn" Satisfy him sexually in bed. GO GET HIM! Link to post Share on other sites
spriggig Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 it was all out of curiosity. It's just curiosity with him too. Keep in way in the back of your mind and don't worry about it. Snoop again if you must, but you probably won't find anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 Here's a solution: stop snooping where you don't belong and learn to mind your own business. If you were my girlfriend, i would have dumped you just for disrespecting my privacy. This is a free society. People can read, look at, or jerk off to whatever they want, and it is nobody else's damned business. As long as your BF isn't commiting any crimes, he ought to be able to view what he wants wihtout your nosey face is his business. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 19, 2010 Share Posted March 19, 2010 Seriously, you think because your bf searched for 'rape' porn, that means you're in danger of truly getting raped from him? What'll you think when you find out he searched for 'tentacle rape' then? Or 'orgy'? C'mon, fantasy is fantasy. By the way, plenty of people, both male and female, enjoy the rape fantasy - what they enjoy are the fantasies of power play and rough sex, it doesn't mean they actually plan on raping someone (or being raped) nonconsensually! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted March 20, 2010 Author Share Posted March 20, 2010 People can read, look at, or jerk off to whatever they want, and it is nobody else's damned business. well there is an obvious fallacy. People CANNOT jerk off to whatever they want as some things are deliberately ILLEGAL and IMMORAL (i.e. real rape porn and child porn). but I do agree that it wasn't really my place to snoop. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted March 20, 2010 Author Share Posted March 20, 2010 Seriously, you think because your bf searched for 'rape' porn, that means you're in danger of truly getting raped from him? What'll you think when you find out he searched for 'tentacle rape' then? Or 'orgy'? I never said I thought my boyfriend would rape me.Honestly, in a scenario like this I don't rely too much on what I think, because the reality is that I didn't ever think I would see the words "rape porn" in my boyfriends search bar. So that shows how much I know. Link to post Share on other sites
gtrplayer Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Exactly! It shows how much you know. Which will NEVER EVER EVER be what you think and or what he knows. That's impossible. That's just life... just talk to him about it and you have to either accept it or not be with him. EVERYONE has things they do that is their own business... porn searching is one of them and as a guy he's going to do it. However, porn can be VERY DANGEROUSLY ADDICTIVE! THAT is the problem... as long as he's not a porn addict then you're good. just because he searched for how to fly a plane and make a bomb doesn't make him one of "them" either... you two are wayy too young to even really be worrying about this stuff.. just enjoy each other and have fun. 7 years from now he won't be in your life anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_gf Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 thanks for all the advice everybody. I am actually VERY surprised at the number of people who have responded to my issue, here and elsewhere, and have told me to just let it slide. Makes me feel like some kinda square or something because I was so worried about this ! But yeah, we already talked. He started out by saying he was going to be 100% honest. He said he had no fantasies or desire of raping someone (which i had sort of figured anyway). We also discussed some things that happened to him in his childhood. I didn't pry to much there because I believe he was hinting that it was sexual abuse. If we were married and about to have children this might be more of a serious issue for me, but since we aren't I just tried to be supportive and understanding. He also offered to show me some of the porn he watches, so I thought that might be fun We have never had to deal with such an uncomfortable subject before and I was scared that our relationship would change after of all this. But we spent the rest of the day together and it was actually pretty miraculous how quick we snapped back to being a smitten couple again. just enjoy each other and have fun. 7 years from now he won't be in your life anyway... haha, what kinda advice is that? but actually the avg monogamous relationship lasts 4 years, I learned it in class lol Link to post Share on other sites
Slainte Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 In all fairness to your boyfriend, people search for a lot of weird stuff online out of curiosity. The fact that he was searching for "rape" related porn doesn't at all mean that he is interested in acting out a violent scenario, it just means he may be curious or at worst, fantasize about it a little bit. However, that's what the internet is there for, its a fantasy land for most people. What goes on in his internet browser, on his computer, is his business. Some things are better left not viewed or unsaid, and my instincts tell me that this is one of those cases. A healthy relationship will involve a certain amount of independence and more importantly trust, and hopefully your motive in checking the computer wasn't to check up on his activities, as such a relationship is doomed to failure from the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
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