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stuck between the options!!!!


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hey guys,

 

i read this forum alot lately and tried to learn from other posts but i just can rack my head around fings. its a long story but it gives you a better overview on what has happened

 

im 20 and the girl i met is 19. we met for the first time ever a year ago and we just clicked like it was meant to be. shes my first real true love and we were each ovas first sexual partners. everything was fine and dandy as usual in the first months. we went places i stayed at hers she came to mine. in july we went on holiday and when we got back we used 2 go away on short wekends even much so we booked a holiday abroad in october which is due this year in august.

 

in november tho i got very ill myself for 2 months. it caused alot of stress and i lossed my job. my partner cared forme so much through this time and she never lossed any love in me. at xmas our very first together nothing could of been better! we both baught each other gifts and we was very happy. but then i dont know what went wrong. as soon as we hit the first week in january things changed.

 

i had asked her to stay over and she said no so i said wel shal i come to yours and she said no because you dont like it. i didnt get this because ofc i liked it...afterall it meant i got to really snuggle up at night. i was a bit sceptical and im honest so i just said straight up look whats wrong...clearly you feel different in some way...and she said im fine just alot going on. with that i just let her think things through for a week. then i rung her to see how she was and she said she was better and was coming to stay at myn that night so obviously i was happy. later on in the evening like an hour before she was coming she told me she wasnt. i said why and she said because its too cold and she cant be bothered going out. so again i said well ill come to you and she said no..itsnot worth it. obviously i was confused and upset and my emotions took over me! i said you have changed. and you dont seem to love me anymore. you always have an excuse not to see me and i made the worst mistake in my life of saying i cant be with you if i can only see you once a week. on that she hung up. i didnt mean it how it was said.. i was meaning like...cos i love you i want to see more of you again.

 

now being a guy and having her hang up on me after i said something i didnt mean. i mithered her. and mithered. and mithered. then 3 days later she said. i need a break, just for a week. well it was like an abomb had hit me. now as requested i didnt talk to her. however i fell for the most ****test trick in the book and got talking to her best friend. it was so stupid of me!!! obviously her friend said dont worry i wont tell her anything...and told her everything! a day later she said we need to talk in person illbe at yours on satday and yes she came up and finished me i had already wrote her a letter of apology which i gave 2 her tht nyt. and she sed she cried so much wen reading it but she wudnt change her mynd.. now thats the story. that was 3 week ago.

 

now basically heres what happened since. she said she never wanted to talk to me and i should just move on and we could both just be happy. after 1 week tho she had text me saying. i find it hard not to talk to you maybe i was a bit harsh. and we started talking again. obviously this brought us to bring up lots of old times and why she had ended it. she said she felt unloved and that i would put others before her so she didnt feel special. now i said to her thats not true she means the world to me and id do anything for her. after long chats eventually she used the..."lets be friends..less akward that way"...i just said u no my feelings...i dont mynd being frends tho. now since then ive had casual contact and we had a massive talk one night. she said in her words "i want to say **** it lets try again...but i no you would let me down and we would both be hurt" when she said that to me i started crying. because clearly she wants to give it ago but then she just goes back on it. then she said and every1 would fink i was a mug for taking you bak. again upset me alot as i believe she should only care for me and her not others. its realy getting to me now because i no i am so close yet so far away.

 

i just need her to see that i can be the man she wants but dont know how to do this. i realy have learnt from my mistakes and i can see myselfdoing so many more things with her. i said to her lets just have another go we have nothing to lose. and she said but things will be akward and after a wek you would change back. this week we spoke on wedsday in person as we was at the train station. it was like nothing had ever happenedor been said. we was having a laf and we was both happy. i even brushed an eyelash off her cheek and she smiled and said thank you. also she has a cat and her hands were scratched so i was lukin at them wilst holding her hands. i didnt realise the fact id done that until afterward. anyway she got on the train and then we texted until about 3pm...to wich she sed wow got a lot of work set....and i said i can leave u in peace to do it if you like....and she said yes...so i sent ok :). since then i never text her or spoke to her. were both blocked on facebook and only talk through messnger or texts. shefinally spoke tome again thismorning on messenger. starting with a complete random sentence...and obviously we had a normal friendly chat. i mentioned old times and she was happy...but after one wer i said i remember last year when id massage you when you was stressed. she said i no it was nyc..in fact i could do with one. obv i had a laf and saidwellp pop up then and she just laffed. then i mentioned another about a wekend away we wud of gon on...and she sed...well we shall never no now! and it made me sink into oblivion again. that is like basically being hit by that same bomb.

 

now i dont no where to go from here. i stil love her so much. and with the aniversary and valentines day being next week followed by her bday the week after i feel even more down. my one goal is to get a chance to show her that she is the best thing that ever happened to me. i believe if something is worth fighting for then it should be done!!!

 

i think if i do no contact then she will justmove on. she will think im not bothered anymore....yet if we talk she seems to be nyc but then puts me back in my place...

 

also she has had 3 previous bf....all of which she completly shut off with after they were finished. she never spoke to them since. so y dus she still want 2 talk 2 me???

 

any words or any advice i will be so grateful for. just anything that i can do or any steps to follow. i no every person is diferent and only i know what shes like..but just by typing it helps me feel a little better. so i no talking to people will help me alot...

 

thank you so much

Edited by sean1
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