MR.ASIAN Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 Well heres my story... I recently joined the Navy and when i left she went to a party. At the party so got really drunk and woke up in bed with another dude. She swore she did not have have sex with the guy and I believe her. So forgive her but it still really bothers me because her and her friends still hangs around with this guy. Also when i was going to long distance college she gone to a party even when i told her not to. Then she ends up getting drunk and making out with this guy and almost ends up getting raped... Everytime I talk about guys being guys she always blames herself and not listen.... I am afraid if I go overseas she will do something similar or worst. I dont know if I should just break it off or keep pushing it. I love this women but im afraid she still wants to party when i want to settle. any suggestions would be appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 Love is about taking risks but you don't have to go into this completely blind. She has shown you a part of her character that does not use much discretion when it comes to her personal boundaries. She has put herself in some compromising situations (i.e getting drunk, etc) that could have gotten her seriously hurt. I wasn't there so I don't know if she gave it up or not. Its possible. However, what you want to stay clear about is the type of person that you're dealing with. She may find someone else while you're gone, but so could you. I would just say keep your eyes open and dont try to control the outcome. Just trust yourself, your instincts and the process of relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Hop_prophet Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 Shes already cheated on you and does not enforce any boundries when you aren't around. You don't trust her (rightfully so) so there is really no reason to continue this. You're only setting yourself up for more pain if you you stay with this person. Let her go and find someone better! Link to post Share on other sites
DenverBachelor Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 No healthy relationship deserves constantly doubting the other. Something isn't right otherwise so it may be best for you to cut your losses now and find someone more loyal. Don't let a woman dictate your life and especially major decisions like going overseas unless you think she's loyal and marriage material -- but then you're supposed to make those big decisions as a team. Link to post Share on other sites
acac2323 Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 No healthy relationship deserves constantly doubting the other. Something isn't right otherwise so it may be best for you to cut your losses now and find someone more loyal. Don't let a woman dictate your life and especially major decisions like going overseas unless you think she's loyal and marriage material -- but then you're supposed to make those big decisions as a team. But its to late for the "team concept" in deciding to go overseas...Pretty sure the Military dictates that. So try your best to find someone that can live with the military style of deploying. It takes a strong significant other to withstand multiple deployments. It sounds like your current so does not have what it takes...Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 End it! She has shown zero respect for you multiple times. I know I wouldn't want to be deployed with 'what/who's she doing now' running through my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Jade 02 Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 (edited) I work with a bunch of chicks,and alot of them 20,s to 30 years old,and their men who are out RISKING THEIR POOR YOUNG LIVES(pisses me off these biiotches) talk about oh marry millitary you'll be set for life,while they are out clubbing it up,and yes tell how they did this dude,an that dude. But They say My fiance is in IRAQ. Makes me sick,these men DESERVE ALL HONESTY AND THEN SOME!!! I am not saying this happens to all men in Iraq,or millitary women on here,so please don't take it wrong,this is just what I hear at work. GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS!!!! Edited January 10, 2010 by Jade 02 addition Link to post Share on other sites
Author MR.ASIAN Posted January 10, 2010 Author Share Posted January 10, 2010 (edited) well its hard for me to just break it off because im so close to her family. Especially her mom she treats as me if i were her own. Also her uncle let me stay at there place when i went outta town for college so i feel kinda obligated to stay n try to fix things not only for me but for her family. also she is a good girl i think she just makes poor decision. Shes had good grade n never used to drink or partied but i used to.. so she would always use that as an excuse.. I also feel like its my fault for not being there too.. we had always have long distance relationship because of me. I chose a farther college but i visited almost weekly n now im in the service and can no longer do that. Edited January 10, 2010 by MR.ASIAN Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 OP, if you and she are college age and now you're joining the Navy, it's almost assured that your five year relationship will not last. It rarely happens in today's society. Even in my father's generation, it wasn't uncommon for women to abandon their husbands off on active duty, and it happened to him. You've seen some important signals. Take them to heart. Trust me when I tell you, having been married, that, once she's done with you, her family won't know you exist. Don't hang on any connection to or familiarity with or obligation to her family. You owe them nothing. Thanks for your service. It's greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 Ditto to above, PLUS she has an alcohol problem. It is not responsible use of alcohol to get so blitzed you don't know when some dude is trying to hop on. That is ridiculous.! Is there alcoholism in her family? People show you patterns over time. Her pattern is "loss of control" with alcohol, and then "oh, am I bad?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author MR.ASIAN Posted January 10, 2010 Author Share Posted January 10, 2010 well her family doesnt have any drinking problems. Her moms a neat freak. She has just started drinking, shes always hated me drinking(thats why i stopped), but i feel that her roommates and friends but put her in situations to causr her to do that, so i tell het to hang out with different prople and she tells me im being too controlling.. i know i am but it for the benefit of both of us right? but then again its still her fault for drinking after i told her not to. Well im still far away from her so imma give a couple of months n see if she'll do me wrong because i noe im going to traveling the world i will see lots of other women. does it seem like a good idea? Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted January 10, 2010 Share Posted January 10, 2010 IMHO, yea, good idea. When the cat is away, you will see the true character of this mouse, and if she does betray you, as you said, you have options... Maybe she is in a rebellious stage from her constrictive home life with her mom?? And is now kind of transferring that "bad parent telling me what to do and controlling me" onto you...unjustly of course... Link to post Share on other sites
hurting_in_nw Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Are you dating her family or her? If the relationships with her family are worth it they will remain after you break up. Do you really want to be overseas worrying about what she may/may not be up to? Link to post Share on other sites
H1N1 Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 I'm guessing you and she are both around 21 or 22, right? That's pretty young. I think people go through a lot of changes between the ages of 18 and 26 (give or take a few years). If you want my opinion, the writing is on the wall and the message ain't pretty. I'm not telling you what you should do, but that's my take. I think she's young and curious about what it might like to be with other people and she doesn't seem grounded to you. I think she cares about you and appreciates you and the things you've done for her, and on some level there may still be some attraction, but I don't sense a particularly strong level of commitment on her part. Maybe you should just talk with her and see what she feels like doing. Just get it all out in the open and try not to be overly emotional at what she is going to say (I know, easier said than done). I guess you should just brace yourself for the truth. The end result might suck, but on the other hand, if she wants to leave, then it will free you to find someone more mature and more commitment-oriented. I'll say this much: being in a long distance situation is probably putting a lot of strain on any relationship. People like myself are certainly grateful that there are people like you willing to serve, but not everyone can deal with that in a relationship. Perhaps if you do break up, you will have to find someone who can accept that there might be periods of time when you're apart. Or perhaps find someone who wouldn't mind being a soldier's wife. Good luck, whatever happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 damn guy or gurl no matter who you are...why is it that whenever we want to settle down our partner doesnt?!...ugh!..break it off your starting to lose trust and when you lose trust there isnt a relationship anymore....trust me!!!!..if you stay in this relationship you will suffer and regrets stayin in it! Link to post Share on other sites
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