kellyj21 Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 Ok folks this is the deal... I broke up with my girlfriend last april (this was a same sex relationship), and know i think i made a BIG mistake and want some help! I will fill you in... We were together for 7 months with a month breakup in between. Everything in our relationship was great apart from a few key issues: Because of a terrible previous relationship my ex would get drunk often. This in turn would cause problems - especially if we were out in a club or something. She would get paranoid and would be convinced that i was going to leave her for another man/woman, and generally would be very nasty towards me. This would upset me a great deal as she is the most wonderful person when she has not been drinking, and i would NEVER cheat on anyone. I was also still getting over 3year+ long relationship which had finished around 5 months previous to getting involved with her. I had thought that i was over this other person but, realised i wasnt around 3 months into our relationship and it hit me very badly. I ended our relationship because i couldnt cope with her drinking, i felt that i didnt have enough time for her as i had far too much work to do at the end of my college course, and because of a huge fall out on a vacation together. Anyway, after we broke up she said that she couldnt be mates with me for a while because she loved me to bits and it hurt to much to be around me, but that she also hoped we could be friends one day again. I avoided talking to her since the end of september last year but we have since started talking 2 weeks ago as i realised how much i missed her - both as a friend and a girlfriend. She now has a new girlfriend who i think she has been with for around 3-4 months. I know that she misses me a lot, and i miss her too. However, she says even thought she is not over me, and still has feelings for me, that she is in love with her new girl and we cant be friends anymore. This is because the new girl knows about me and will be angry about it. She dosent know that i want her back, and i dont know what to do. If we could work through her drinking problem i think we'd be fine. I now think that i didnt spend enough time trying to help her conquer her problem when we were together, and that if we had worked on things maybe we wouldnt have had to break up. I would never get back together with her if i thought there was any chance i'd hurt her again. We are meeting up for lunch tommorrow, (her idea), even though she has said we cant see each other again and cant be friends. So, why is she meeting me if we "cant be mates"? If anyone has actually read this through to the end then thanx! Please help me! I dont know what to do! kelly Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 Hi Kelly, You wrote: If we could work through her drinking problem i think we'd be fine. I now think that i didnt spend enough time trying to help her conquer her problem when we were together, and that if we had worked on things maybe we wouldnt have had to break up. Sorry, but SHE has to REALIZE she HAS a drinking problem, and then SHE has to be the one to DEAL WITH IT. Nobody can really help another person deal with a drug or alcohol problem. Only THEY can conquer it, but it can take a lot of work and time. So don't blame yourself or accept responsibility for the fact that never dealt with the drinking problem......that ball is solely in her court. I get the impression that with both of you, neither of you maybe take enough time after a relationship ends, to really deal fully with the 'baggage' and completely move on, before getting involved with someone else. You still have feelings for her, and some regrets...yet, you know she's with someone else and IN LOVE with that other person........your best bet is really to just respect her current relationship and avoid contact with her...because it's only going to make things tougher for you (you missing her, etc). I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kellyj21 Posted March 12, 2003 Author Share Posted March 12, 2003 I respect that she is with someone else and i would never do anything to jeopardise her new relationship. ps- She does know that she has a problem with her drinking - all her relationships since the one that started it in the first place have ended because of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kellyj21 Posted March 12, 2003 Author Share Posted March 12, 2003 I pobably wont say anything to her as i hate to cause probs but, i really miss her as a mate too She was my best friend before and during our relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 Being with someone who abuses alcohol can be very hard. You can't work through her drinking. SHE has to work through her drinking. It's ironic bc I joined a friend in an AA meeting this past weekend, and it TOTALLY changed my life. It's something that they have to deal with every day...the fact that they abuse alcohol. Most recovering alcoholics go to at least ONE AA meeting every single day. And they have to remind themselves EVERY day how bad their life can get out of control under the influence of Alcohol, and they have to admit to themselves EVERY day that they are powerless over alcohol. Its incredibly hard to be with someone who has a substance abuse problem, and you breaking up with her was NOT a mistake. Thank God that you had the whits about you to get out of what could have only gotten worse. Link to post Share on other sites
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