Jump to content

A Second, Second Chance


Recommended Posts

Hi, I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years now. We've taken a break for a month 3 years ago for her reasons that she felt that the relationship was one sided. I realized my faults and corrected them and committed to growing and we were going strong once we got back together.

 

Up until recently, everything was going great. Unfortunately, we've had undue stress and lack of connection because of our opposite work schedules in which we see each other only for the 3 hours a night when we're lying in bed together or IM or speak over the phone for 10 minutes at a time. I just opened a high profile restaurant which has taken its toll on me in terms of time (12-14 hour days, 6 day weeks) physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health as well. The situation between us was not set up for success. We broke up on Monday because she is not happy, nor am I, in the current situation.

 

As of now, she has said that she's lost her vision of our future together, which I feel is in large part due to my work and feeling distant because of our lack of time spent together. However, I am immediately searching to make a career change, not only for her, but for my own well being and the well being of my family, which I never see as well. There are other things that play into her reasoning: taking care of finances, growing independently and not as a unit, an active lifestyle and lack of depth in conversation. Again, I feel it's really correlated to our lack of time spent together and lack of time I have to get anything done for myself or for us, because all my time and energy is spent at work. After 70+ hour work weeks for the last 6 months, it's no wonder that it's made us distant and that I have little opportunity to be a healthy person or partner.

 

At this point, I'm worried. I've always felt that she was the one. Even had plans to pop the question at the end of the year. I'm worried because since we've gone through this once before for a short split, that this will be impossible to mend. She has not said, however, that it is or it isn't permanent. Just that she has to do this right now. I have committed to my self that all my faults, I will work on, and to be better today than I was yesterday. I'm turning 30 in 23 days and I feel this is happening as a wake up call. The decisions I make and the ones we make in the next 2-3 months will define the rest of our lives. I know she is the one that I'm meant to be with and I will do everything I can to make sure she feels the same way too. I am committed to fighting for her.

 

I ask for advise. Neutral, unbiased, but caring advise. Thank you for reading and for your replies.

Link to post
Share on other sites
DustySaltus

I was in the restaurant business growing up so I can understand the complications here. I think that you really need to take a week or two off from work and go away with her somewhere. You need to figure out if this is a function of time not spent together or a change in her views about the future. Either way your going to need this time together to figure it out. Talk about your goals, let her talk about hers and find a common ground. The fact that you are committed to fighting for her is a very good thing, that's what love is all about. Now its time to fins out if she's willing to fight for you. Take a vacation and good luck.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You are at a crossroads right now. I was your age when me & my ex bought a restaurant. I did it to make him happy. We have 2 children and he was a chef and quite frankly, it was the only way at the time i could conceive of spending any time with him. I would have done anything to be with him. I was a chef too before we had kids

This was a huge mistake on my part. It led to more problems with us.

We split about 2 years ago; and he's still on the adrenaline high of the restaurant business, I am on the high of bringing uo our children. Alone. With a new boyfriend who has a 9-5 job.

I've spent the last ten years on this rollercoaster. Take it from me - catering and family DO NOT MIX

Link to post
Share on other sites

IME I was caught up in a work-career-work mentality for too long and it's not healthy. IMO whatever you do drop your hours and spend more time on what it is you want to do. In the long run it will do you the power of good IME.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I totally relate to your situation because of my hectic unusual schedule I have already lost the one I love & was about to propose to. I work in the music biz & have a grueling schedule..I basically live my job..which does not work with a partner with a 9 to 5..it causes distance eventually no matter how you two were in love..you just have to do some serious soul searching with yourself to figure which is more important & then talk with your GF to either hope for a compromise or change careers altogether if you are fine with changing. My ex asked me to quit my job & future goals which I couldn't do..I love her & miss her terribly but I'd miss "me" even worse if I did what she asked so I had to let her go to find a regular 9 to 5 guy & this is already after us being together 2.5 years & already purchased a home together. Hopefully your woman hasn't become interested in someone else already..sometimes women don't ask for a break until there is someone else to lean on but explain your plans for a better future with her because she may need to hear exactly where the relationship is headed..when you become distant due to conflicting schedules & lack of conversation..they lose interest & feel the relationship is going nowhere..Women need to know the relationship is constantly headed in the right direction.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...