at end of my rope, just not sure which end!

[My.Heroine]

Hello . This is the first that I have posted here, so brace urself! I'm not good at explaining things well so it has taken me awhile to get this out. My b.f of 6 years recently decided he wanted to leave the relationship if i didnt change b.c he said that we argued too much and he couldn't deal with my emotional highs and lows, and my "snotty attitude". However he has mentioned taking a break a few times in the past and i have been against it due to my insecurities, having few friends to busy myself with and feeling that we should work together instead of pulling apart in times of weakness.(mistake, i kno)!! Ne ways, my emotional rollercoaster is partly due to the fact that i feel emotion so intensly. "you're mad at me one minute, then ur all sweet the next" is what happens when he frusterates me but i love him, so i don't want to waste time being mad so i get on with it and just try to enjoy him. In our relationship, he has gotten pretty secure and used to me holding on. This time i took control and decided to turn the tables, and let him experience emotional turmoil for once (i dont kno if he is but its a good lesson:rolleyes:) and go NC on him. I agreed to the breakup (a word of advice) and pretended to be fine with it, hoping he won't call my bluff. Only now im not sure if its working or not LOL . Can you guys help me get an overall feel of wat he is doin here? He told me he feels like he missed out time with his friends and that he in so many words was breakin up with me but yet he drives by my house to see if im home (lives 2 blocks away but rarely drove by b4), he frequently signs onto my msn, he made contact with me after 2 weeks to see what i wanted to do with my subs at his house b.c "his parents were cleanin out the garage" (maybe an excuse to talk b.c he knos i dont care about them and he put too much effort lookin 4 a "yes or no answer"). We drove by eachother twice in the same night but i couldnt tell if it was him and he txt me saying "doesnt even wave", and one night i was driving to the bar to meet up w. some g/f's and he ended up beside me @ the lights with a big smile and waved. He seen me turn off so i think he kinda tried to see where i was headed and loveNbehold he and his 2 friends are at the same bar playin pool an 1.5 hr latr (coincidence? ). When he seen me he gave me the same response as earlier...i smiled and waved back like no hard feelings..sat for a few more minutes and made sure he seen confidence in my stut hoping he hated to see me go but DAMN to watch me leave . Wat do u think his motives are in still sein if im home, wats on my msn, and all the confusing behavor? im not sure if its my false hope or if im stirrin up some uncertainty, or if he just simply misses me bein around and is gonna see if will take the bait. He really is a good guy and all but i think he does alot of talkin to his mom when he needs advice and she has the idea of "if it was meant to be, it will be". Well now iv got one, "if u truly love something let it go, if it comez back, its urs for keepz". U think he's tryin to squeeze back? Iv made a pretty good leap of faith u think?, which is far beyond wat i *was* comfortable with and i hope he is seeing that. Plus i feel like i have been reasonable near the end. I gave him a few of our pics back and some he drew 4 me, and he was very upset . He sent me a txt saying "y would u give me stuff i gave u? I would preffer u just threw it all away". I felt bad and i told him that i couldnt throw it out but i couldnt keep it b.c everying is a reminder and holds so many memories for me. He replied "thanks for nothin. That just shows how much u care and anything i ever done for u was a waste so now u did damage, u want ur grad pics or r they garbage?" I was concerned that i really hurt him and our chances but kept my guard up incase he was trying to regain control so i said " D, i am showing the ultimate care 4 u by giving u wat u keep saying u need. I cannot be in a relationship that u dont want and im not going to force u 2 stay in it. But by choosing 2 stay u cant threaten to end the relationship b.c not feeling secure in it is emotionally draining. I respect ur need 2 end the relationship and 4 that reason, as well as considering my unfulfilled needs, i have agreed with u and ur request. Ive left the ball in ur court wat u want 2 do but its either all or none. I wont wait 4ever 2 b accepted by u b.c it seems like nothing i do or say can win ur love. In 6 years of being w. me i shouldnt have to. But whichever way we go, alone, a couple, i have alot to thank u 4 from our relationship b.c in that time i have loved alot, made many memories, and learned alot about myself. But i can only let u go and then maybe sometime in distant future we can value eachother like we once did. U cant have hard feelings over something u wanted. Maybe ur not sure yet? but u have space 2 fiqure that out." and all he replied was "didnt answer my question." This was all b4 i seen him cruzin btw. Can u guyz pls pls pls help put my mind at ease and back in order! Im sorry its so long, its rediculous! Thank u tho x0x0 GoD bLeSs these poor souls lol

[cabarc1]

Honestly, i'm not a fan of games but i do think you made the right decision by letting him go. It's not fair to constantly be threatening to break up with you like that. It's understandable that maybe he feels like he missed out on a lot and it's best you give him that space so he can get it out of his system. That doesn't mean you have to wait around for him either.

 

You just stay strong and go about your business. And it's true, if yall are meant to be then it will happen. I know it's hard but it's for the best, it's clearly not easy on him either if he is driving by and getting on ur msn. Good luck!