Venusian09 Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Hello, everyone, I really need your help to decipher the behavior of the man I was seeing last year. We met on Match.com. He said his wife had left him in Sept. 07 and the divorce was final in March 08. It is true that he was divorced, as I checked the public records on the Internet. We met at a restaurant and he called me the same night to leave a message that he had really liked me and that he wanted to get together the next week. He called to make those arrangements. We went out on the first date and kept dating for 4 months, seeing each other on the weekends (he lives 1 hour from me, 1 1/2 hours with traffic) and he works out of town 2 days per week. I had to break it off during the 2008 holidays because he was communicating with another woman online. He didn't know that the woman was a friend of mine who was checking him out for me. I decided that this was necessary because things seemed to be getting more "couply" and I was very afraid of giving my heart completely to someone who might not really be a good guy; his behavior was concerning me and was at the root of my decision to "test" him; he had been pulling back somewhat, yet still wanting to see me and saying some things that were more meaningful than previously - in other words, mixed messages. I went to his house the same night that she confirmed for me (I was there listening) that he had, in fact, made a date to meet her in person. This was during a holiday weekend that we had planned to spend together, and just a few days before my birthday. Needless to say, he gave me some excuse as to why we wouldn't be spending the weekend together. I told him everything under the sky that I thought of him, but I did it in as classy a way as I could muster (I was severely hurt) without using any foul or improper language. Fast forward to today, 5 months later, and I receive a message at Match that he has missed me, he hasn't found anyone that makes him feel the way I did, that he thinks we had something special and he knows he messed it up, that he has learned a lot during this time apart, that he would like to try again and that he knows I had told him that I never go back with a man I break up with, but that he didn't know what he wanted at the time and had a weak moment. I received that email last night at 6 p.m. I did not call and I did not email back. Today at 5 p.m. I get another email rescinding the one from last night saying he wrote it under the influence of alcohol and didn't mean it and that he was sorry to have bothered me. How WEIRD is THAT?! This is a 53 year old man acting like this. I'm 50. I would appreciate your thoughts as to why he would wait 5 months to contact me, out of the blue, and then the very next day "take back" the message from the previous day. Link to post Share on other sites
Knowingmeknowingyou Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Hi, It seems to me that you are quite perceptive and have been spot on with your gut feelings so far, you sensed all was not quite right last year when his behaviour went a bit 'iffy'. You called him on it and refused to accept his lies...He went away to lick his wounds and most probably to pursue other options. Now he resurfaces, all keen to see if you'll give him another shot. He knows that you are not the doormat type and thats what makes me think he may genuinely have missed you and made him realise that he let a good thing go. So he sends you the message to feel his way back again. My reckoning is that as you didnt reply within a certain amount of time or at all, he took that as a rejection and then hurriedly backtracked in order to save face and keep his pride intact. He knows you will not take any crappy behaviour so this gives you a good grounding should you decide to pursue things with him. Link to post Share on other sites
scootncash Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Knowingmeknowingyou hit it on the head. Not only is this guy dealing with a divorce and not really taking enough time to heal and grow from that but then he lures you in probably knowing he wasnt really ever going to get exclusive with you but he was willing to lend himself to the idea for your sake. Sounds also like a touch of midlife crisis. Sometimes these men revert back to their "player" days as a means to justify that their still attractive and their still wanted. Not by one but by many. It helps them feel like that havent gotten old but they still got it. As Toby Keith so elegantly, "I aint as young as I once was" Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts