confused about ex

[Raven]

6 months ago my ex and I broke up. Although it was more his idea, I was frustrated with him and our relationship too so it seemed that breaking up was best in the long run. We had big communication problems and he could never try to see things from my perspective. I missed him lots after we broke up and it was only a couple months ago that I could say that I was really over him. Recently we have been in email contact and he's being extremely flirty and telling me that I should know he still has fond feelings for me and that our relationship wasn't all that bad. He's hinted that he come over to visit. His emails are humorous and the way they were when we first started dating. They've sparked something in me. Part of me wonders if he's maybe just horny and thinks he can get back with me for sex (which won't happen). But the other part of me wonders if maybe he just needed some time to let stuff sink in and realize that he did have some areas he needed work on.

 

I can feel my heart feeling things for him again and I feel this giddy sense of excitement like i did in the beginning back then. The rational part of me says to just forget him and not get my hopes built up, that he's likely not changed and that if we did hook back up , we'd just end up with problems again. As you can tell i still have feelings for him and I did care for him lots. Should I just see where this goes or should I tell myself to smarten up and forget him. I don't want to get hurt again but I don't want to possibly pass up on a golden opportunity. maybe the timing before wasn't right? maybe we both needed time to work thru stuff. I'm at a cross roads. Help!

[Tony T]

I think you should listen to the rational part of yourself.

 

His motivation can only be speculation on our part. But from experience I can tell you that relationships that were marginally fulfilling in my life often seem much better after time has passed. That's a good thing because it's better to have nice memories rather than bad ones. But time was not meant to go in reverse and we move forward to better things.

 

This may be a lesson you have to learn...that I have already learned. So I guess you'll have to make up your mind and perhaps give this another exploration. Things rarely change, though.

 

My advice is to move on and forget this guy. You're holding up the advancement of your life by clinging to hopes that things might improve.

 

But you're the one who will have to decide for yourself. I think your wishful speculation is only that but there's only one way you'll find out for sure. I just hate to see your heart break again after it's healed part way...those are so awful.

 

I just hate to see you see you have to start the healing process all over again. A break-up is a break-up. Frankly, I think this guy's a real super jerk by trying to drag you back into his life after he's bumped you out of it. What a bum.

[Bill]

I agree with Tony on this one. This guy needs to be forgotten about. Stop contacting him. Remember about why you two left in the first place, that will help you do this.

6 months ago my ex and I broke up. Although it was more his idea, I was frustrated with him and our relationship too so it seemed that breaking up was best in the long run. We had big communication problems and he could never try to see things from my perspective. I missed him lots after we broke up and it was only a couple months ago that I could say that I was really over him. Recently we have been in email contact and he's being extremely flirty and telling me that I should know he still has fond feelings for me and that our relationship wasn't all that bad. He's hinted that he come over to visit. His emails are humorous and the way they were when we first started dating. They've sparked something in me. Part of me wonders if he's maybe just horny and thinks he can get back with me for sex (which won't happen). But the other part of me wonders if maybe he just needed some time to let stuff sink in and realize that he did have some areas he needed work on. I can feel my heart feeling things for him again and I feel this giddy sense of excitement like i did in the beginning back then. The rational part of me says to just forget him and not get my hopes built up, that he's likely not changed and that if we did hook back up , we'd just end up with problems again. As you can tell i still have feelings for him and I did care for him lots. Should I just see where this goes or should I tell myself to smarten up and forget him. I don't want to get hurt again but I don't want to possibly pass up on a golden opportunity. maybe the timing before wasn't right? maybe we both needed time to work thru stuff. I'm at a cross roads. Help!

[MercyRose]

Just ask him straight what he wants. I know what you mean about not wanting to miss opportunities, so its better for your heart if you ask him to clear the picture up for you.

 

This way, you will know if you missed out on anything or not, and therefore no regrets of just not knowing at all.

 

Don't think of your ego, or silly games like, if I ask him i will scare him away, not be a challenge etc Cos if he does go away for such reasons he was not worth having in the first place.