Worth fighting for

[method]

Ok this might get long.

 

met the most amazing girl 3 years ago online. we met up once and didnt go anywhere then 4 months later we meet again and bang, we just clicked right away. we began the most amazing relationship and as it was both out first one we were traveling down this amazing road together. we both were 22 when we started out so both older and a bit more wiser.

 

about a month ago she broke up with me saying she needed time. i did all the usual stuff like begging and sent her a letter saying im sorry about everything and she liked it but said she still needed space. she kept in contact with me and we arranged to go to the cinema to see a film she wanted to see and have dinner at her favorite restaurant.

 

we were on msn one night talking about how we are excited to meet up and see each other again when i screwed up so badly. i let slip that i had lied to her about being checked for an std. the first few days we were together she asked me and i said i had been checked. i was too scared and didnt know where to go so buried my head and it got harder to come clean as we got more serious.

 

the question came up a few times over the 3 years but i always said i had been (im so f'n dumb!!)

 

anyways she called off going to the cinema and we have been in NC for a week until tonight when we started speaking on MSN again. it started out pleasant enough but then got on to the subject of the breakup. she was wondering about what to do for her birthday in a month and said that nobody has ever done anything for her birthday. then it started. she was saying that i never appreciated her and she always felt 2nd compared to my friends. I was ment to move in with her soon so that why i went out with my friends because i knew soon i wouldnt have a chance. i was a bit sad but i was ready to move in with her. she called it off a month before we broke up and said its better this way as we can have 2 places to stay.

 

i started going out a lot with my friends over the last year and always thought she never had a problem with it. she never did before but i know now i went out a bit too much instead of staying in with her which was really good too. i asked her to come out but she works 9-5 and im a student so she wouldnt have been able to drink.

 

she is really hurt at the moment by me lying and i begged her for a second chance to show her just how much she means to me, i love this girl with all my heart. she says she cant trust me at the moment as i have lied about something very important to her and i didnt show her how much i appreciated her. she says how does she know things wont end up the same in 6 months time and shes hurt again.

 

she says she is so confused at the moment i know she loves me but i have shot all the trust we had with each other with this lie. i have been to get checked and waiting on my results. i really think she is the one and i realise now how much i have screwed up with this girl. she says at the moment she would like to be friends with me until she sorts out her head. i told her i was ok with it but i am still in love with her and she said she knows i am but she is really hurt and wants to be on her own right now.

 

I have been such an ******* to this girl and she has been so good to me, we have done lots of amazing things together and i honestly thought we were special and would be together forever. i was stuck in my own bubble that i thought i had it all, now i am having panic attacks at work and am so depressed that i have let down myself and this amazing girl.

 

she always said she would want me to fight for her if we broke up and i know shes worth it. does anyone have advice for me. all i want is to show her i care and she means the world to me.

 

i dont think there is any other guys in the picture and i think maybe at first she broke up with me to show me what i will loose. now im sure she thinks im a piece of crap that has hurt her.

 

thanks for listening.

[Exl]

You did well taking the test. If you have the chance mail a copy to her, even if it's not worth anything. Her main issue is probably that you lied to her, but I think she already told you that. Depending on the person and the issue they can REALLY be unforgiving. I didn't ever lie but held out information once from my ex (about having a 10 minute coffee with a previous flame who happened to drop by in town, totally unimportant for me at the time) and even though I came forward and told her a couple of weeks later because I really needed to be honest with her, but I think she never forgave me and once, while drunk in a fight, over a year after that, she threw it to my face and made it sound horrible. I never lied or held information from her never again, because she really meant something to me. Was an honest mistake. And I am proud to consider myself an honest person.

 

I think I never realized it until now, but my ex mentioned very vaguely (now I should know that's when she means it) a couple of times something about me getting tested (generally, but I assume she meant it to include STDs too). She didn't pursue the issue because she doesn't get into any kind of even remotely possible conflicts. I didn't value it much at the moment because I knew and she knew she was only my second partner and I've always taken the care to use protection and I'm in perfect health. Never used drugs nor had blood transfusions. Perhaps I was too sure (and still am) of myself but she wasn't. I wonder if it ended up being part of the problem in the end. Had never thought of that. I think I'll just do the tests too, even if it doesn't mean anything and we won't end up meeting again. Your situation opened my eyes on this, so I have to thank you too.

 

Damn her for not being able to be straightforward when she needed to. She screwed so badly...

 

Sorry for going offtopic but in a way the similarity of the situation may bring up some comparative answers or examples for you. Other than my first words, really haven't got much to say. Send her the results, tell her you're sorry and that you weren't aware it meant so much to her and you'll never do it again - and mean it. And be prepared, if things happen to work out, to get it thrown at your face over and over again while in possible future fights. Besides that, I wish you the best of luck..

[method]

got a text this morning ( 4 days after the bust up on msn) saying

 

" hey hows you? i went to the clinic today. did you get your results? "

 

told her i was clean and she said thats good but apparently even tho im clean i can still be a carrier and she will have her results in 2 weeks (dunno about this nonsence). then we sent 9 more messages back and forth about what we have been up to over the past week. she ended it after a text saying she is out buying new clothes and hopes i have a good weekend. i wished her a good weekend too and sent the final text.

 

dunno what to think i know she wanted to know my results and thats the reason she contacted me but why go into conversation about what shes been up to, i asked the questions tho so do you think shes just being nice?

 

will leave the NC for another while or so and see if anything happens. her birthday is in 2 weeks. my friend said send a card and flowers (she always likes to get flowers) but im thinking just a card. any ideas?

[freedom8]

Method I think and I could be wrong, that this could be a situation where she needs to know in herself that she can trust that you won't basically abandon her again for your friends. The lying part yes, but in the end you don't sound like you gave your relationship enough or much of a chance to move forward. Women like security and to keep progression in any relationship and now she is basically confused about whether you can man up to your responsibilities and keep her happy. For some reason I feel you may have a chance to win her back if you changed yourself. Question is, are you willing to change yourself and do you want it enough to change and adapt to her needs? If the answer is no then obviously, but if it is yes and you are sure about it, then give it a shot by showing her now that you want to fight for her. Have at the back of your head that if the signals are not good to back off and stay with NC and really give her some time. Either way, you have to know right? And at least you gave it a go. I'm not too sure if the signs are there for you to do that yet but staying NC when both of you are still kinda in it is just playing another game to see who calls, sms's, msn's first. Then when you don't hear from them a while you get frustrated. In the end and I hope not, but if things don't seem to have a chance then NC is a blessing in the long run. Good luck buddy. If you choose to fight for her, card and flowers - just a suggestion.