Decision of my life!!!

[gemanet]

Well to start I am 29yrs old with a 7y/o son. This may be long but I really could use some advice...

 

I met Eric a year or so before I had my son. I actually had a boyfriend at the time but Eric was persistant and waiting till I was out of that relationship, which I ended up having my child out of. My son's father cheated on me repetitively at least 6 times, before, during and after my pregnancy. He kicked me out of his house when I was three mos pregnant. (get this I was too moody... well of course, I was pregnant) Well I finally started dating Eric. He was so great, he rubbed my pregnant belly, spoke to my belly and trully wanted to be in my life.

 

But I was young at 21 and felt that baby's daddy was the best thing for my son and I. Boy was I ever wrong... so I broke it off with Eric... and started it back up again and over 2-4 years the same thing going off and on back to my baby's daddy, who led me on... and cheated... and then led me on... and cheated again. (I was a stupid 21y/o)

Well now here it is 5yrs later and we have reconcilled. I was suppoused to move in with him and we were going to give ourselves the true chance that we deserved. He proffesed his FOREVER love to me and his want to have children and grow old together. We knew it would be hard at first as we are both very dominant people. My way or the highway people, but we wanted to give it our all.

 

So then the problem occurs. On Friday, 3 weeks before I was to move in, he calls me and tells me his X-girlfriend, a 22 y/o girl is saying she is pregnant. Eric is the same age as me. He still said he wanted me there and trully loved me. So I told him I had to think about it if I wanted to come still or not... I wasn't exactly sure... he told me he never loved her and the first time she said she loved him was in the same e-mail telling him she was pregnant.

 

I cried my heart out Friday and Saturday, it was so horribly painful... and then a little bit more on Sunday, when I decided I wanted to be with him, and that we could work through this... I didn't want to loose my chance for true love and happiness with him (if she is trully pregnant, which still to this day we are not sure of, she was suppoused to fax papers from the doctor's office but still hasn't) So we made arrangement again on taking day's off to move and I put in my 2 week notice at work.

 

On Monday night... we spoke again, him saying the same things he said all weekend. We were meant to be with each other forever. He wanted to be my son's father, he wanted me as his wife... But for some reason, some how I ended up asking him, if he had been with anyone since I had been with him when he decided we should be together, in love, forever... and he said yes.

 

He had been with the pregnant girlfriend on Saturday. (I asked him to go over there with pregnancy test's to check for sure if she is pregnant, We still don't know because he brought here ovulation tests instead.) He said he didn't stay the night but had intercourse with her. He also mentioned he called her by my name, but I don't know if he was telling me that to make me feel better. He said he was confused... He is 29 now, not 21 like when I made this same mistake with my son's father.

 

My question is do we try and work through this for the possibility of forever? Do I move down there still? I live 6hrs away. I don't know what to do and have no one to ask that can be honest with me. Please help me with advice... PLEASE!!!!!!

[MalachiX]

Why did he have sex with her AGAIN if he wants to be with you?

[gemanet]

He said he was confused... because she is suppousedly carrying his child.

[justine4]

Well to start I am 29yrs old with a 7y/o son.

So then the problem occurs. On Friday, 3 weeks before I was to move in, he calls me and tells me his X-girlfriend, a 22 y/o girl is saying she is pregnant. Eric is the same age as me. He still said he wanted me there and trully loved me. So I told him I had to think about it if I wanted to come still or not... I wasn't exactly sure... he told me he never loved her and the first time she said she loved him was in the same e-mail telling him she was pregnant.

 

I cried my heart out Friday and Saturday, it was so horribly painful... and then a little bit more on Sunday, when I decided I wanted to be with him, and that we could work through this... I didn't want to loose my chance for true love and happiness with him (if she is trully pregnant, which still to this day we are not sure of, she was suppoused to fax papers from the doctor's office but still hasn't) So we made arrangement again on taking day's off to move and I put in my 2 week notice at work.

 

On Monday night... we spoke again, him saying the same things he said all weekend. We were meant to be with each other forever. He wanted to be my son's father, he wanted me as his wife... But for some reason, some how I ended up asking him, if he had been with anyone since I had been with him when he decided we should be together, in love, forever... and he said yes.

 

He had been with the pregnant girlfriend on Saturday. (I asked him to go over there with pregnancy test's to check for sure if she is pregnant, We still don't know because he brought here ovulation tests instead.) He said he didn't stay the night but had intercourse with her. He also mentioned he called her by my name, but I don't know if he was telling me that to make me feel better. He said he was confused... He is 29 now, not 21 like when I made this same mistake with my son's father.

 

My question is do we try and work through this for the possibility of forever? Do I move down there still? I live 6hrs away. I don't know what to do and have no one to ask that can be honest with me. Please help me with advice... PLEASE!!!!!!

 

You need to be really careful here. What he did is completely wrong. How could he be in love completely with you and even think, let alone go, with the other girl?? They're also going to have a baby (if it turns out she is telling the truth and really is carrying his baby), so they'll have something to connect them for the rest of their lives. If he slept with her now, its always going to be at the back of your mind if hes going to be in contact with her because of the baby. Can you deal with that??

 

Is it possible he maybe likes the chase - after all, he got together with you when you where 'taken' and now its gone to another level, he is doing something to deliberately hurt you?

 

Maybe though he was looking a shoulder to cry on whilst you where deciding what to do?? I'm not excusing his behaviour at all though - he was completely out of order.

 

Do you feel able to trust him? Thats the crux of the matter now.

[Tormented]

My question is do we try and work through this for the possibility of forever? Do I move down there still? I live 6hrs away. I don't know what to do and have no one to ask that can be honest with me. Please help me with advice... PLEASE!!!!!!

 

My honest opinion?

 

Leave this jerk in your dust and NEVER look back. As you stated, he was 21 when this game started. He is now 29, eight years later, and the game STILL continues. What makes you think it won't continue on for the next eight, ten, or twenty years down the line? History has a way of repeating itself, especially so when it's a repeated occurrence...as in this case.

 

I know you love him. I know you believe that returning to him is the best for your child. But is raising a child in a atmosphere thick with lies, deceit and cheating healthy? I think you know the answer to that. And is it healthy for you to be in a relationship where there is no trust...where there is constant fear of the next betrayal, where there is no real security, and the perpetual distress/strife as a result? Is that the way you want to live? No...I didn't think so.

 

You are still young. Don't waste your years of youth on a bum that will let you down repeatedly, until the time comes when you are 50 or 60 years old finding yourself waking up next to a man who you have grown to loathe/resent but now too old to start over. This is not to say it's ever too late to start over...but it gets harder with age.

 

I think the best route for you to take right now is to remain where you are, provide as good of life as you can for your child, and keep the door open for a man who will love you both enough to treat you with the respect you both deserve. Do NOT settle for a man who has done everything under the sun to prove he is unworthy of your love, and most certainly your life.

 

Also, if he isn't paying child support (and my strong hunch is he most likely is not), take him to court and get an order for him to pay. If he's this hell-bent to create babies, then it's time for him to face the consequences and step up to the plate. You didn't have this child alone...he had an active part in it, so why should you shoulder the entire financial responsibility of raising him/her? He owes it to both you and the child, regardless of how involved he is in your lives.

 

I guess it boils down to this question...

 

How masochistic do you want to be in this relationship? Because, deep in your heart you KNOW what the future holds for you and your child should you choose to return to this man, don't you?

 

Yeah, I know...it sucks.

 

But not as much as a life spent with a man who will spoon-feed you a steady diet of pain.

 

Good luck!

 

~T~