Can't get her off my mind - can I get her back?

[Gravedigger]

Hi all

 

I have been reading lots of posts here on LS lately and also posted a few topics myself under "coping". Long story short: I was dating a girl for a couple of months this spring. Everything was going fine, I had really fallen for her and I think she was into me too. All of a sudden, after not having heard from her for a couple of days, she decides that she can't do this, and she says we shouldn't see eachother anymore.

 

We are both around 30 yrs. I divorced my ex-wife about three years ago, and she has been in a relationship for 7 yrs when we met (she had broken up with him 6 months prior to that and dated a few other guys before we met).

 

I was truly devastated. I know we had only been together for a couple of months, but I had fallen terribly in love with her. She contacted me again after about 4 months of NC, and we were chatting on MSN. I have also visited her a couple of times since then, but I don't think she feels as strongly about me as I do for her.

 

I recently erased her from my MSN list, because my heart stops a few beats every time she logs on and I really have to fight the urge to write to her. It's been about 8 months now since we broke up, but I still think about her every day. I am dating another girl at the moment, but I just can't involve myself with her. Am I losing my mind here, or is it just the holidays that make you seem so lonely? - I mean, why can't I just let go, especially as we were only together for a short time? Is it any idea to contact with her again, I know she is going through a rough time for some personal reasons related to her family, and that's one of the reasons she couldn't get involved with me.

 

Any thoughts / experiences to share please. Stay in NC, or break it and write her (knowing that ultimately I want to be with her again).

[s_n_d]

I think that if you care about this woman THIS MUCH, you should let her know.

Alot of women hide their feelings towards someone they like, when that person already has a woman in his life.

[Gravedigger]

snd, thanks.

I will give it a thought. Only thing is that it feels so awkward to contact again after such a long time of NC and erasing her from my MSN list. I mean what do you write without seeming to desperate or lonely? I guess I will have to sleep on it, but yes, I care immensely about her for reasons unknown...

[s_n_d]

From personal experience, I refused to erase my ex off my msn list(despite what my friends told me). This was because the way i look at it, I have to learn to resist the urge to talk to him. Now, We talk a little. I keep our conversations to a minimum. Nothing will help me get over him..especially deleting him off my msn list because We're really close and even if it is as a friend, I NEED to have him in my life.

 

Perhaps you should start talking to her casually on msn again. After i started talking to my ex on msn again, it got easier for ME..I miss him less.

But in the end its all up to you.

 

In my opinion, If you like this woman this much, you should work things out with her and end things with the woman your with at the moment. Its just not fair to the woman your seeing right now.

[lovesparis]

i second SND; not fair to the new girl to be 2nd fiddle

[Gravedigger]

s n d, lovesparis. thanks for your comments.

 

i already told the girl i am seeing now, that i am not looking for a serious relationship, which was fine with her as she isn't either. we just enjoy eachothers company, that's all.

my ex has moved to another part of the country, about three hours away from me. i haven't heard from her in two months. i also found out that she dated another guy while seeing me, but things didn't work out with them and she is now alone again.

i can't even believe why i want her back after this, but i keep thinking about her. my logical sense tells me, that this is a very selftormenting attitude, but my heart tells me different. i still care immensely about her and really want to write her and ask how she is doing. deep inside i fear that it will amount to nothing and that i just keep hurting myself. anyone else feels like this, and is there a cure?

 

thanks

[s_n_d]

I sure as hell feel that way right now. I want to just see him(Its been two months since I havent seen him). And theres the hope That ill get through to him that ive changed and i wont argue over the stupidest things anymore and to work out our differences. But theres also the hope that i could ruin our relationship even more.

I feel so hopeless. I get that my ex and I are over but at the same time i just cant stand here and let our relationship go down the drain.

[s_n_d]

And I doubt theres a cure to any of this. Everyone feels hurt and pain at some point in their life and especially during the aftermath of a breakup. I WISH there was some kind of cure that would get me what i want(the ex back) but unfortunately, that involves the risk of being hurt and back in the same place you are right now again.

[Gravedigger]

s n d

 

thanks for sharing your thoughts. yes, getting back in contact with your ex increases the chance of getting disappointed/hurt once again. it already happened once with my ex, who i went out with once again in september after she dumped me in april. i can't even believe i spend this much time wanting her back.

let's take this chance to promise eachother not to contact with our ex in the first month of 2008. after that, the next month will be easier and so on. if one of us breaks this, let's keep eachother posted.

 

btw, and totally off topic. i see you are from canada. i am planning a ski-trip to banff around february or march 2008. do you go skiing, and if so, are there any places you can recommend other than banff. i've heard it's absolutely awesome there.

 

happy new year to everyone

[s_n_d]

let's take this chance to promise eachother not to contact with our ex in the first month of 2008. after that, the next month will be easier and so on. if one of us breaks this, let's keep eachother posted.

 

btw, and totally off topic. i see you are from canada. i am planning a ski-trip to banff around february or march 2008. do you go skiing, and if so, are there any places you can recommend other than banff. i've heard it's absolutely awesome there.

 

 

First off.. I dont think Id be able to go A MONTH without talking to him. But ill definitely try really hard. I just want to see him SO bad right now. And considering he works about twenty minutes from my university, I think itd be too hard. Plus we established that were friends....apparently..

Its SO hard!!! Im too attached to him!! I wish i wasnt..... Gah. Ill need another year to get over him. Haha.

 

&& In regards to the best ski slopes over here. I really cant tell you because Im not into skiing but other than Banff Ive heard great things about Blue mountain. Actually strange coincidence..My ex just left for Blue mountain today.

[Gravedigger]

s n d - how's it going with your NC. I haven't broken it, and it is really hard. I go to work every day feeling/looking like a zombie. Study every night for my CISSP certification and generally feel miserable - I find myself listening to sad songs on youtube every night just to make the tears roll and get the lump off the chest. I still wonder why the #¤¤# i spend so much time thinking/missing someone who obviously wants none of me. It's a mystery !

[Lee725]

I still wonder why the #¤¤# i spend so much time thinking/missing someone who obviously wants none of me. It's a mystery !

 

For the same reason all of us do Gravedigger, they come into our lives and touch us in a way that other people have not, therefore when they leave a part of them stays with us.

We have to purge that remnant of them in order to say:

"Yep, i have moved on - I'm over it".

 

I could say so many things in regards to NC, moving on Blah, Blah, but sometimes no matter how much you read it or in my case how much i write it to others here, some days you don't want to hear it, read it or believe it.

 

Up till today i have been very strong, I am NC and I do not pine for the EX himself although i have thought about him today, rather i pine for companionship.

 

I am lonely & because of that i am thinking of my EX's (all of them AARrrgghh ).

 

I am big and strong on my own, i don't need someone to fill voids in my life, rather I feel Lonely & left out for not having someone to share my life and laughter with.

 

Sorry for overtaking your thread

[s_n_d]

s n d - how's it going with your NC. I haven't broken it, and it is really hard. I go to work every day feeling/looking like a zombie. Study every night for my CISSP certification and generally feel miserable - I find myself listening to sad songs on youtube every night just to make the tears roll and get the lump off the chest. I still wonder why the #¤¤# i spend so much time thinking/missing someone who obviously wants none of me. It's a mystery !

 

Hey Gravedigger.

Well I fell off the NC wagon again..

I started again. And its almost two days now.

So far, its good. I havent had many urges to text message or call him and whenever i do get those urges, I have been able to fight them so far.

Ill keep you posted. Like ive told people before, the longest ive been able to do the NC thing is three days..So anything more than that will be an accomplishment for me. Hopefully Ill be able to do it for a month or so though. I have a lot of supportive friends and Im so thankful for that.