Update from Friday

[101NEO]

Ok so for any of you who have been reading the posts i have putting up i'm going to give an update.

 

I asked for opinions on what to do friday if in the event she stayed the night.

 

Well exactly what i anticipated happened only neither of us were really drunk. we came back to my house as neither of us wanted the night to end. we came back and i put on the Simpson's movie. we got a little high and then got tired and wanted to go to sleep by about 1:30 am. I told her to take the bed and i'll sleep on the couch. she said "Really?" and i said yes that i wanted to respect her space and let her know that i didn't want to do anything that would make her think anything other thn that.

 

She said "Well, i want you to come lay with me." So i figured there's nothing wrong with that. so i went in the bedroom with her and we cuddled all night. i couldn't sleep because i was amazed that a dream of mine came true and that was that she and i could share one of these moments with each other again. But alas, no sex! i knew i could hold out...

 

the next morning we got up and were still cuddling and being all cutesy. i started kissing her after we made a take out call for breakfeast. i quickly get up and off of her and say ok lets got get the food, she kinda laid there like "um... hello... finish what you start" and i put on a shirt and shoes and say lets go. we got back and ate and then dozed off for about another hour. we got up and i started kissing her again. this time there was no holding out, also i wanted to see if she wanted me to go further.

 

so i did. we ended up having one of those moments/experiences that was amazing that you want to live over and over again every day of your life. it was nice. we ended up spending the rest of the day together or at least until like 5-530 pm. We then decided that we didn't want the good times to end but it was about time that for the moment we go out and do our own thing with our other friends.

 

So three months after we split up we are really back on track to getting our lives back together with each other. Now i have to say that all the pain and frustration that i experienced trying to have her in back in my life has finally started to pay off.

 

thank you to all of you who have helped me throughout the course of this entire thing. i appreciate you all. even though my situation is finally leveling out i will be on the site still trying to return the favors all of you have given to me.

 

Thank you LoveShack.org and all your fantasic members who were there for me when i needed it the most!

[heartoutside]

101neo, I'm glad to hear you had the amazing dream day with your girl...I'm in a very similar situation, and had very similar replies here on LS of cut her loose and move on etc etc.

 

I'm not sure if you know my story but I was looking for a little advice maybe from you in terms of how you handled your situation. My ex asked for space, and stated she was confused about 2 months ago. We lived together for 3 years and were talking about getting married and looking at rings about 2 weeks prior to the break. I kind of forced her to say we were breaking up because i was blind sided by the whole thing.

 

Anyway, in the weeks that followed I gave her her space and she ended up calling me saying she loved me a missed me...anyway long story short, I did nc, but she would constantly contact me, and took her time moving out (I had to drop the remaining things off at a friends house).

 

As of right now, I haven't seen her in almost 2 months. I saw her for the first time last week at a company meeting but we didn't talk. I sent her a text later that day telling her it was nice to see her (the first time I've contacted her in a month) and I didn't think she would write back, she did and we texted a little more..

 

Now she is back to texting me every few days with just random questions. Such as have you seen my school id, and I replied to that later in the evening and again we texted back and forth and she asked again how I was doing (Which she has done in every convesation we've had in the past week). I let her get the last reply in and didn't reply again.

 

I figured I wouldn't hear from her again for a week or so, but last night while I was out with some friends I get a text from her asking how our plant is doing....

I didn't reply until I got home but asked her which plant she was talking about? And I haven't gotten a reply.

 

So that kind of brings it up to date. But I'm just curious how got you ex to talk about your relatiionship? She and I talked a few times in the week following our breakup about our relationship, but we were both a emotional wreck. Now I know for a fact that I'm in a better place, I'm not any where near the wreck I was in the month following. But I'm not sure if I should ask her to have another talk or ask her to hang out and go that route and see how she handles that?

 

Any suggestions....again I'm happy to hear that you got back with your ex. I wish I was in your shoes. I don't want to rush anything with her, but at the same time, I want some kind of progress either way......

[101NEO]

I'm going to be honest with you. her an i getting back to where we are right now is either a miracle or it's just fate...

 

we have separately gone to psychics and both recrived the same message from the psychic. you are his/her soul mate, do not let him/her go.

 

I am a firm believer in fate. now i do not believe that any one person is "meant" for another. i do not believe the whole "if it was meant to be it was meant to be".

 

I'm a big believer in one knowing what they want and going for it no matter the cost.

 

now i put myself through 3 months of hell trying to show her that i love her and that i'm dedicated to her. now i never cheated, i never gave her reasons to think otherwise, but i did on the other hand break her trust. she trusted me to never hurt her and i did. i went to relationship therapists and read a lot of books. i then determined, what it was that was most important to me. for me it was that i missed her and i know that i had damaged the most beautiful thing that's ever came into my life.

 

she helped me through a HUGE maturing and learning time in my life. she was there for me and i was there for her. but i wasn't being the man she needed me to be in the long run. i was being a boy in a man's body.

 

i have learned some lessons about myself and "Us" as a couple.

 

now as far as your situation, i don't know what ended the relationship, i don't know what your problems are/were, and i don't know how much advice i can offer without knowing these things.

 

what i can tell you is that if you had a strong, loving, good relationship with the woman in question, it's not over yet.

 

you have to answer for yourself, what's most important to you. for me it was i had realized that i was being a "jackass" and needed to appreciate more what was going on right now, not so much what will be there tomorrow.

 

Living for today has shown me that you have to know how to appreciate what you have each and every single day of your life and not always worry about tomorrow.

 

My philosophy now is live each day for today, if you do it right tomorrow will be better.

 

I put myself through hell and back to try and regain her trust, for yourself you have to determine whether not to you if she is worth it. it's a very TOUGH road to chose, but if it's right for you and you truely believe that, it'll be worth it later.

[heartoutside]

The only thing that was wrong in our relationship was that we got to comfortable, maybe lost that "fun" because we lived together and every day became routine. That is all I can think of. Honestly, everyone and myself included was blown away by her asking for some space. She is in her 2nd year of college and is 24 so maybe she wanted to enjoy that, and experience that rather then being stuck with the routine of us. And I can understand that. I lost track of my goals with my career and myself and just got stuck in a pattern of "us".

 

She knows how I feel about her. The 2 or 3 times that we talked I made it clear how I felt about her, and she made it clear that she felt the same way, but was just really confused. Her constant contact after we broke up just tore me apart, because she said she need space, but wouldn't give it to herself.

 

I just don't know how to approach her without pushing her away. Right now, I'm just giving her her space. I don't contact her, but she contiunes to contact me with silly questions (asking about the id, and asking about our plant, both seem like poor excuses to talk to an ex boyfriend you broke up with).

 

And as for myself, I'm actually excited about what my future holds. I have a much more clear idea of what I need to do with my life. I'm going to the gym every day, I'm getting more freelance work (something I never really applied myself too while dating my ex or at all really).

 

Our realtionship was great, everyone was jealous of it, we never fought, did everything for each other, even up to the last day. (She made me breakfast and I drove 3 miles to drop off her wallet.)

 

I don't know if I lost her trust, I don't know what I lost or what we lost....the excitment that she found attractive when we first were dating maybe.....?

 

How to do i gain that back?

[heartoutside]

Well she ended up replying to the text message's she started. She once again asked how I was doing (this is the 3rd time), and I told her I'm doing ok, and she wrote back saying she was doing ok, but was really tired. She also asked if I was going to our friends party next week. I'm not sure why? Maybe she want's to see me, maybe she wants to make sure I won't be there so she can bring her new guy friend (they aren't dating, I guess he's just there to fill the void). Who knows. I told her I would be out of town (which I am, another vacation, the best thing to do when a girl breaks up with you, is have fun on vacation, it's soo much cheaper!)

 

But I actually saw her today, I got called in to work a last min shift this morning at my part time job where she works as well. And I thought her schedule was the same it had been in the past, so I figured she wouldn't be there. Well she ended up being there and she really didn't say anything to me. I said hey when she walked by, but when I was in the back room we both walked back and she didn't say a word. I then left and said see you guys later (to her and my co-worker), and the co-worker said "see ya" but she didn't say a word. I didn't feel awk around her at all, which maybe is a bad sign? But she totally felt awk and was quiet with everyone not just me......

 

anyway, that's that. I'm curious to see if she'll text again. Probably not....

[101NEO]

heartoutside...

 

man i feel your pain. i was going throught the exact same stuff. she was confused, didn't want me out of her life, but didn't want to be with me. like i said i went through three months of hell and every last second i stuck right by her side and for the first time in three months, she kissed me first without me even making an attempt.

 

it felt good. i've missed it sooooooo much.

 

tonight i finally let her know how i was actually feeling. o told her the 100% the honest to god's truth. i hate to admit it because i promised msyself i would never let her see me cry over her again but i did.

 

i actually let her know how her actions throughout the course of this whole thing has REALLY affected me and i'm not sure but i think it opened her up a little.

 

I DO NOT RECOMMEND you do the same. it was along shot for me and it paid off which means everything i have done up to this point has been spot on the right thing to do.

 

my best possible advice is let her go out and realize how well you treated her. let her date someone else, you should do the same. you don't have to sleep with someone if yo go on a date. you don't even have to kiss someone. but on the other side of that, call her at least once every couple of days to make sure you let her know that you are thinking about her and that you care. don't pour it on all the time but keep it positive and brief. keep going to the gym, she'll love that later trust me i did the same thing and got exactly the reaction from her that i was looking for.

 

i've learned that **** happens. people grow distant sometimes but that's when you find out what your relationship is made of. be honest with her and let her know that you care, but don't be a needy. be there for her in every way you can, but don't be at her becon call. if she loves you, she notice it soon. my girl justsaid tonight, "when things get in a rut or routine you sometimes have a tendency to forget that you love that someone..." and i couldn't agree more.

 

Love her, cherish her, and be ready and strong, the road ahead is a difficult one.

[heartoutside]

I know it will be tough. I was talking to my father about this, the one person I haven't really talked to about this, I never really talk to him about personal things. And he said it really doesn't matter what other people tell you, you have to do what you think is right, what your heart and your gut tell you. He also told me to take my time, to not push things and when I feel comfortable I should ask her out for a cup of coffee or something....

 

SO we'll see....

 

Right now I'm really batteling with what to do. I know I can't let my emotions lead totally. I learned that the first few weeks when I was a total mess. But at the same time I know that she is contacting me because she doesn't want to let go.

 

It's crazy because when I went to south america for a week and didn't tell her she got horrible pissed off and felt I was hiding it from her. She even said "you expect me to be cool with you after that". She said she would have the rest of her stuff out the next day. That was 2 weeks ago maybe alittle more. I got back from my trip and her stuff was still here....anyway I told her nicely to get it out and she got pissed off. I thought after those two events she would never talk to me again. And I've been wrong ever since. On all occassions afterwards. That is why this is so strange, her contacting me like this and asking me pointless questions to start off the conversation. If you told me 2 weeks ago that she would be contacting me like that, I would have laughed.

 

I'm thinking i should return the contact in a sense. She has maybe contacted me about 80% of the time since we broke up, took a break whatever we want to call it. It seems to be working so far...