Should I have ended it?

[kayliejenika]

I recently dumped my boyfriend of over two years, mainly because he wants to join the military. He is from a military family and it's always caused some tension between us because I'm strongly anti-war. I always assumed I could convince him not to join, I convinced him drop out of his military prep club in high school, and he implied he wouldnt join for a long time.

 

I graduated a year ago and am attending university in Canada (he lives in the US), he only graduated this year and wants to be a doctor. We always planned to attend the same university, but when time came and he realized he would need loans, he decided not to go to university, stay in the US, go to community college (because it's free) and join the military, so he wont have to pay for any of his education, instead of getting a 5 grand loan, which is all he would have needed. He refuses to get loans because of his parent's debts and because I didnt need to get any. However, instead of saving his money he blows it all on useless things.

 

Not only am I extremely against war, which just seems like a pointless waste of money, ressources and people, but I also strongly value work, I work 60-80 hours a week to pay my education, he has never worked more than some 20 hours, and generally works much less. I really feel like he's taking the easy way out, not to mention risking his life. I'm terrified he'll die just to save a bit of money, he wants to be a doctor, meaning he'll be more than able to pay off his loans.

 

He's always known I wouldnt support him if he were to join the military, when I mentioned I was scared he's die, he replied he'd be dying for something worth it - I hardly consider war worth it.

 

I love him beyond words, and I'm not sure if I'm simply overreacting about him joining the military and should just suck it up and accept it. We really have different idealogies regarding the matter.

[sao2]

This is your decision. I understand the difficulty you have with making this decision, but it is yours to make.

 

Idealogy can be a killer in the longer run. Because not only do you not understand his decision but you are actively opposed to it, this will cause serious problems anytime he runs into difficulty or doubt with his decision(and he will). You will want to be supportive but you won't be able to simply because in your mind he got himself into this. Eventually this could drive you two further apart because he will see you as an adversary rather than a partner. Even if you trying your hardest to be supportive.

 

I was in a similar situation and if I could go back I would be there as a friend but put off the romantic relationship until the time of service was over. This time while he is in the military will cause many issues that can break the relationship forever.