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What does she mean? and ?'s


eatmydust87

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eatmydust87

A few weeks ago, I broke up with my gf of a few months and friend of a few years because she was leaving to go 8 hours away. I thought it was the smart thing to do at the time because less than a year ago, my ex totally destroyed me in a ldr so I have been dreading one for a long time. This new girl is amazing, I doubt she would do anything like the other girl did. She is older, more mature, and has a good head on her shoulders. We were broken up for 2 weeks and in these 2 weeks, I got text messages telling me she loved me and missed me, she asked me if i miss her, etc etc. 2 weeks go by and I write her a letter, saying that I thought about everything thoroughly and that I know I can do a LDR. I dont get any answer, instead she says she needs to explain stuff in person. She comes over to my house, and we begin talking about me and her. She was really hurt by what I had done (understandable), and said that she wouldnt allow herself to go back out with me. She said that she still loves me, cares about me, and misses me, but cant go back to me, at least not right now. Before she leaves she even tells me that she has been with someone else in the past 2 weeks. I told her that if she really wants me to get over her and if she really wants me to be her friend, she needs to give me space and time to let the emotions slip away. Since then I have gotten a text almost daily.

 

It doesnt make any sense either. When she left my house that night, I was pretty broken up, and when she got home, she texted me telling me that she is sorry. and that maybe in time her heart will be open to a relationship with me. and that she just cant do it right now. She also said that she is lost without me. And to please stay in her life. The next day I get a text that said "seeing me again has broken her heart again, and that she has to force herself out of bed. its not that I dont wanna be with you, its just that I am being heldback by fear. Its hard because I think we belong together." She even heard some dumb rumor started by this ******* i know that ive been hooking up with one of my coworkers. She wrote me a text about it saying that it made her sick to her stomach when she heard it. i reassured her it wasn't true, but it just doesnt make any sense. For one, she threw the fact that she slept with someone in my face to make me not want her, but just a rumor makes her sick to her stomach? I honestly dont know what to think. I told her if she wants me not to be with her and to be her friend to not contact me and give me space. She knows that I am going to try until I get a flat out no. Do you think she is ****ing around with me? Maybe she is just testing me out to see how far im willing to go to be with her? since those texts of still loving me and what not, stuff has gotten kind of dry. No more texts of love, missing me, nothing. I broke down and called her a few nights ago before going out to the bar, and told her that I just wanted to call to say hi, and to hear your voice and tell you that i miss you and that i love you. She called me back while I was at the bar so I went outside to talk to her, and everything seemed ok. I forget exactly what had happened but somehow I said something about me and her being together and she says "i dont know whats going to happen with that", and I said no, you do know, im the one who doesnt know, im just hoping it lands in my favor. We got off the phone saying that I was going to call her later, and she said she was going to sleep so she might not answer. I get home really late and didnt want to wake her up so I did not call. The next day I got a text asking if "i was ok?", I answered yes and she said what happened to the call. and i apologized and she said she was worried, but I feel like she is going to put this in her arsenal of reasons to not be with me.

 

Ok so, what does everyone recommend as far as, being the dumper who wants the dumpee back? I have tried to not be pushy, the first 3 days I really couldnt help it because of how emotional and strong her messages were to me, I couldnt help but ask for her back again, it felt like the right thing. But it didnt get me anywhere, it got me "im not ready". So, do i stay in her life hoping that in the near future I can be with this girl, or should I just cut my losses and move on and find another girl? Also, If i stay in her life and attempt to earn some trust in her, how do i know I am being too pushy? I feel like calling all the time, like I did when I was with her, but i have a feeling she will get annoyed rather quickly. I honestly dont know where to draw the line, I feel like calling her and telling her I miss her and love her, I just dont know how she will react.

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eatmydust87

No one has any suggestions or input? Anything helps....

 

Well, since posting this thread, I talked to her once again, I tried talking to her and explaining myself again but to no luck. I talked to her the night I wrote this post, and she once again told me no matter what I say its not going to change her mind. She is so hot and cold when it comes to me, over text or myspace I always get I love you, and want to be with you but I cant right now etc., but in person or on the phone, its very firm and distant. No hinting toward the future or anything. She says she wants me to get over her and that life goes on and that it'll get better in time. Sunday night I asked for NC, I said that my feelings are just too strong to be only your friend right now, and that I wouldnt be much of a friend in the future if I was to stay feeling like this. I want to be friends with her now in hopes of being with her in the future, but that is just plain wrong, both for myself and for her. For one, I shouldnt do that to myself and for two, she doesnt deserve a friend who is going to drop her if she finds someone who makes her happy. She claims to not want to be with anybody, she is content being single and wants to keep it that way. She wants to be alone and go back to being an island for awhile. She didnt date for a long time (several years) before me because of her past relationships, so I believe what she is saying. Her last message to me was over myspace, she said that it was her last time contacting me until I want her to contact me. And still ended it with love, xxxxxxxx.

 

So here come the questions...

 

Should I take this as a blessing and move on with my life? I still want to be with her, but she said if it was to ever happen it would be in time.

 

During this "time" should I try to be her friend? And will being a friend to her make her get over me easier, or will it in time show her that I am trustworthy and there is nothing to fear.

 

Should I do NC, or maybe only talk to her once a week? I wrote a reply to her last message, but I don't know if I should send it or not. maybe if someone reads this thread and wants to help, I can send them the message and they can tell me their thoughts on it?

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I wouldn't call her. Go NC. How old are the both of you? Here's what I did in your situation: Go out and find some other chicks. They will take your mind off of her and you may even get laid out of it. I know you still have plenty of feelings for your ex, but if you keep going the way you're going, you're gonna be a wreck. Go out with your buds, look and talk to other women. You're gonna be surprised at what's out there.

 

If you're ex wants to get back with you, then make her ass earn it. And screw that friends b.s. Maybe down the road but not right now. You gotta get tough, on yourself!

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eatmydust87

I am 21, she is 26. I have been keeping out of the house since I gave her the letter, bars, clubs, parties, whatever it takes, even just sitting at someone else's house doing nothing, its better than sitting at my home doing nothing. I am the one who wants her back, she says that she wants me back also but won't do it now, and that if it is going to happen it wont be for awhile because she fears that I will break up with her in a few weeks when i get comfortable. Which is understandable. It's not the other women thing so much, hell, I've got one girl who is dying to get with me, I just can't bring myself to do it without knowing for sure whats going to come of this. I guess maybe I should just get with her and say **** it? I dunno. Thanx alot for the reply.

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