I want to be friends with my ex

[pantheralum93]

Hi everyone. If you've read my posts you know my story so I won't bother to repeat all the details. Basically, my ex gf and I split up now over 6 weeks ago and although my initial hopes were that we would reconcile it appears that is not likely as she has not returned any of my attempts to reach out -phone call, text or letter. I pretty much tried to stick to NC initially but broke down a few times. My last attempt to contact her was to leave her a vm and text after having sent her a letter expressing my feelings to her. My letter came from the heart and was just an attempt to let her know I was sorry for my failures in our relationship and that I do love her. No begging, pleading for a second chance at all in the letter. Just came from the heart. Anyway, I have decided pretty much that I will not attempt to contact her anymore since she is not responding. I really would like for the two of us to be friends though. We live an hour and a half away from eachother and we had some wonderful times together. The fact alone that we live that far apart would make it somewhat difficult to just pick things back up again. She even said before breaking it off that she wasn't telling me to get lost, have a nice life type thing. So my gut tells me she did want to maintain a friendship with me. She has maintained a friendship with her ex husband and she just doesn't strike me as the type that would hate me so much as to not be friends. Although her latest actions would make me wonder. None the less, I am wondering if it possible for the two of us to be friends. I am thinking I should just pull back and let her come to me but is there anything I could do to break the ice as it were? Should I send her a message saying "sorry for all the calls, texts and letters. I would like to be your friend. Call me if you just need someone to talk to". Please give me your advice.

[pantheralum93]

So, I guess no one has any thoughts on this. Hindsight being 20-20 I probably didn't put forth the effort to make the relationship work, but I did tell her that I wanted to make the relationship work and would give her 110 percent. For whatever reason I guess she felt it wasn't going to work and ended things. I just don't see why we can't be friends even if she felt our personalities were too different for a romantic relationship to work.

[nittygritty]

I tried doing this and it just made it more difficult to let go of hope for getting back together.

 

Even when I was in another relationship, thoughts of missing my ex were still there because we were still in contact as "friends".

 

I also would have a sense of dread at the thought of him someday telling me about having a girlfriend or being in love with another woman. He never did but as time passed my fear grew that the chances of that happening were becoming more likely.

 

The friendship line was always blurred. On a couple of occassions it became FWB and when we talked on the phone or IM, it was like we were still together rather than just friends. It kept me stuck in it for well over 2 years after the break up. A couple of months ago I told him not to contact me anymore.

 

Your not going to able to heal and move on from this relationship if you don't let go, for good. You can't just be friends with someone your romantically in love with, IMO.

[sonyjay999]

the reason why she is not responding is because the relationship is over and she doesnt want to give u the wrong impression or lead u on

 

now it seems to me u still want this person and by asking to be her friend is ur way of having a connection with her with hopes of getting back together

 

now ur approach was from the heart and it was genuine but in this situation it was used wrongly

 

dont get me wrong it was a nice gesture

 

but u need to approach this in the opposite direction

 

 

u need to stop expressing ur feelings u need to act perfectly fine of what happen and agree with any negative feelings she may have for u

 

easily go along with her dont try to argue ur way it will only make matters worst

u need to get to her good side in order for her to return the favor

 

stop pressurin which u r doing stop complainin or whining

 

and just simply accept everything she throws at u

if she doesnt want to return calls fine

its all good

[pantheralum93]

Thanks, everyone. That's fine. I've learned to accept it. She had some communication issues in my opinion that would have been difficult to overcome, so it may have not worked out in the end anyway. But to just treat me the way she did...frankly I don't deserve it. Does she not care about me? Two weeks prior to the end of the relationship she seemed to have strong feelings, so i just don't understand how you can go from that to what seems like not caring at all. Even though things maybe didn't/won't work out doesn't mean I don't still care for her. So that is why I don't see us being friends as out of the question. For goodness sakes she lives an hour and a half away so it's not like I'm going to stalk her or anything.

[pantheralum93]

How can someone who supposedly loves you, someone who supposedly cares about you, just walk away and want nothing to do with you anymore. It pains me that my ex ended the relationship, yes. But I can accept the fact that it didn't work out. We both contributed to it's failure. What I don't understand is how she can tell me one minute that she wants to take a break, tell me that she's not telling me to get lost, and then a few days later do just that in a manner of speaking? The fact that she has not called to apologize for how she handled things, or to try to be friends shows me that she doesn't care. I don't know how she can just turn her feelings off even if she cites personality differences. I can't do that. Ok, just needed to vent.

[sao2]

6 weeks is still way too soon to try and be friends with someone you cared about. Give it some more time, maybe friendship will be in the cards someday down the line, but not today.