pantheralum93 Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 Hi everyone, if you've read my other posts on here you know my story. So I won't bother to repeat myself. Well, after implementing NC pretty strictly since me and my gf broke up a little over a month ago, I finally broke down and wrote her a letter. Apologizing to her for my faults in our relationship and letting her know essentially that I care for and love her very much. I mailed the letter several days ago so I'm sure she has received it by now. I wasn't expecting a reply to be honest, but I felt the need to just write her a letter from my heart. I do not plan to try to contact her anymore. I figure the ball is in her court now. Any suggestions if any on what I can do to get her back at this point? I really miss her. Link to post Share on other sites
Aliddy Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 Hi there I read your post, and felt terribly sad................ If I am completely honest, you wrote the letter, broke N/C and now she is back in control. I am on day 15 of N/C and I know how hard it is, but I have been reading these threads over and over again, and I have not really seen anyone who when they have broken N/C has achieved anything other than more hurt. You ask what more can you do to get her back, I dont think there is anything .................. what you must do, is go straight back to N/C.....if she wants to contact you she will, you cant force the issue. It is very true that " you dont know what you have, until its gone " that may apply to you ............. but also to her, so try it and see. Suzanne :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author pantheralum93 Posted July 21, 2007 Author Share Posted July 21, 2007 Well after I mailed the letter I let several days pass and then I tried to contact her. I sent her a text asking her to call me one night last week and when I didn't hear from her I tried to call. No answer. I just don't understand why she has to be like this. First off, the cold distant conversations during the I think I need a break phase, then the break up text message and now she's cutting me out of her life. It's as if she doesn't care about me one bit. People say it's because either she still has feelings for me but due to differences in personalities is distancing herself or that she's met someone else. Or that she's just cold hearted. Man why couldn't she just do it in person or over the phone. I gave her an opportunity and she didn't take it. I just don't understand why she is being like this. Each day has gotten a little easier. I'm having a weak moment right now I guess. I just don't understand why she has to be like this. I've deleted her from my phone...trying to delete cold hearted from my memory! Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 Oh jeez man, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. This is exactly what my ex has done to me. The only sure thing I can tell you is that the resolve to contact her will weaken and you'll want to. But, rest assured if you contact her, you're going to feel like this every single time. She doesn't have the answers you need. She walked away from you. The person she was to you, is gone. The person you thought you were in love with, does not exist any longer in any place other than your memory. Let her go now. I've said this elsewhere and I'm going to keep saying it to anyone who needs to hear it. Someone who loves you does NOT walk away from you. Someone who loves you stays and works things out. Someone who respects you and treats you with compassion, does not ignore your very existence.Someone who loves you, holds you in as high regard as you hold them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pantheralum93 Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 Thanks, Chinook. I really am just trying to make an effort to be her friend. I am not looking to necessarily get back with her. She has a full plate right between a new job and her daughter being pregnant. I realize I failed her miserably in the relationship by not being an available emotional support to her at times plus I failed to spend time with her on a few occasions which didn't make her too happy. She hasn't responded to any of my attempts to contact her thus far. I'm just really wanting to be her friend and let her know i care about her and would do anything for her despite the failure of our relationship. I have thought of sending her a text message saying something to the effect of "Hi_______. Sorry things between us didn't work out. Sorry too if I was rude. I was really more mad at myself for failing you then anything. I just want you to know that I care about you and that i would like to be your friend. I am here if you need or want to talk. This will be my last attempt contact you. Hope to hear from you soon". Please let me know what you think. Should I just leave things alone at this point. I know I failed and probably hurt her. It just hurts me that we spent some wonderful times over together over the last several months and we can't atleast be friends" Link to post Share on other sites
Author pantheralum93 Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 Does anyone have any comments regarding my last post in this thread? I really would like to be friends with my ex. She lives about 85 miles away so we're not likely to see eachother unless she agrees to get coffee or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 You are begging and making a fool of yourself. Sorry to be so blunt but that's what you are doing. a) you broke no contact by writing a letter b) you called her Then you state after writing her the letter that you didn't expect a reply, the ball is in her court and then proceed to question how you can get her back. My guess is she is not replying to you so that you get it through your head she doesn't want you in her life anymore - even as a friend. My guess is also you couldn't deal with just being friends and would be pushing, pushing, pushing for more. Just walk away. Don't contact her again (after all you've already told her twice you aren't going to and broken it). Yes, it hurts. Yes, there were good times. Yes, it's over. Start working on you. It's not going to do you any good to ask yourself why, why, why. You are not going to get an answer from her. If it helps you to think of her as cold-hearted, a beeatch, or whatever - do so. I'm truly sorry you are in this situation and hurt but I think it is time to face the facts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pantheralum93 Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 I never told her I wasn't going to contact her. I'm not acting desperate and needy. I simply wrote her a letter to let her know I was sorry for the mistakes I made. You can interpret however you want, but that was not my intent. Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 I never told her I wasn't going to contact her. I'm not acting desperate and needy. I simply wrote her a letter to let her know I was sorry for the mistakes I made. You can interpret however you want, but that was not my intent. I dont know your story, but what i have read here, you cant be her friend really, and yes your right to let her know how you feel, but now you have to let her go, and start working on yourself. I know that at the mo, every time you make contact, you feel that your still in her life, even without a reply, but then she wont reply, and it will wind you up, then you will send another one etc. You have to stop it, and walk away. you cant do any more. I had the same, but 7 weeks ago, i made 1 last call to her (never told her that, in fact at the end she said ill speak to you soon) but then i posted all her stuff back, and havent contacted her since. It takes all your strenth, and you have to dig deep in your soul to do it, but it will get better. Tonight i was reading 4 emails that i wrote but never sent..oh my god, i can see how needy they would have been, and un dignified, and lack of self respect. The best thing you can do to show her that your a man is walk away from her and let her be. If in a few months you want to be frieds then maybe send a non emotional email, but to be honest, everyday you stay in n/c the harder you will find it to break the habit, and the days become shorter. You will go through about 3 weeks of hell, but then the fog clears, and you will find self respect flowing through your veins again, and you can be sure that your ex will c u in a different light, although you may never know it. Link to post Share on other sites
Cioriel Posted July 25, 2007 Share Posted July 25, 2007 I never told her I wasn't going to contact her. I'm not acting desperate and needy. I simply wrote her a letter to let her know I was sorry for the mistakes I made. You can interpret however you want, but that was not my intent. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but you are acting desperate and needy....I do understand why and that from where you are at, you feel like you are just rationally telling her how you feel and you want to know what she thinks about what you have said. That may have been true for the letter, but now it is getting to the point where it is just desperation on your end. You have tried contacting her a few times now with absolutely no response - there really is nothing you can do. She knows how you feel and I'm sure she will remember that if she ever changes her mind, but that is something you have no control over. I agree that you need to start focusing on yourself and what you need to start doing right now in order to live a happy life without her. If you really feel like you are leaving things too open, then text her or email her very shortly saying that you are sorry if you annoyed her but you felt like you needed to let her know how you felt. Leave it at that. And you really need to not expect a reply - the point in emailing her one last time is that it would be the last time, to let her know that you won't be doing it anymore....and keep that promise. You need to understand that she knows how you feel about the situation and you telling her over and over again is not helping. You really are just going to push her away even more if you keep trying to contact her and tell her how you feel - she knows already b/c of the letter you sent. If you don't stop contacting her, she's really going to start seeing you as the weird ex boyfriend who won't stop trying to contact her, and you don't want to be that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pantheralum93 Posted July 26, 2007 Author Share Posted July 26, 2007 Thanks, Cioriel. Yes, I do agree that perhaps my initial attempts to contact her were maybe needy (lame text message). However, the letter was written from my heart and had planned to be my last contact. However, i was talking with a friend who suggested that I contact her to tell her how I felt about the way she broke it off (disrespectful). Anyway, yes that was probably a stupid move on my part. Mind you it's not like I have tried to contact her. The times when I broke NC were 1.5 weeks, 1 month and just less 6 weeks after the break up. I don't consider that desperate or needy. If I were desperate or needy I would be begging which frankly I have no desire to do and will not do. I did that when I was younger and hated myself for it. Anyway, I'm done contacting her. I don't have any desire to speak to her anymore. She's the one who's made the mistake. If I ever did hear from her again I am not even sure i would respond. I can and will do better! Link to post Share on other sites
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