matwithonet Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 We met in highschool and starting dating our senior year. We were together till May 7th 2007. She left me stating that she was unhappy. She also was talking with this guy named Charlie who is over in iraq and she used to work with. We have had our ups and downs. Never broke up in the 6 years we were together and have lived in a very small room in my parents house for almost the entire time of the relationship and never killed each other. The worse time in our relationship was probably when I was addicted to World of Warcraft because she said she felt neglected. Which I did do and I just didnt notice I was doing it. I felt horrible once I realized I did it. But after a couple more months it drew me back in. Now since we broke up, I have sold every single one of my video games, got a gym membership(Im a little over weight and diabetes runs in my family and I think that scares her), and Im back in school and have an awesome job. Also the reason i really think she was unhappy was because she is working 2 jobs, going to school fulltime, played softball, and never goes out because she is always doing homework. I really dont blame her for starting to have feelings for this other guy because she spent 6-8 hours a night with him at work then came home and went to sleep because she had to be up early for the next day. So we never really got time to hang out like we used to. Well we have had many talks over the past few weeks and she said the only reason we arent back together is because she is scared that Im going to go back to messing around with school and not keeping my job and such. So basically Im wondering if any of you have had similiar experiences and maybe some advice because right now Im not even talking to her because I feel used right now. I mean a 6 year relationship just cant be thrown away can it? I truly love this girl and even though she has completely neglected me to school and work I still love her even though I want to hate her for the pain she has caused me. I was just wondering if also any of you have seen people in this situation get back together. Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 Hmm maybe you guys should take a break with no contact to see how you feel. If it was'nt for the other guy, id say cool, but just the fact that she is interested insome1 elses could mean that shes not in love with you. Sometimes time apart with no contact will help you both to see things clearer and if the relationship has run its course. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matwithonet Posted July 14, 2007 Author Share Posted July 14, 2007 Thanks man. After reading these forums for a couple hours, I was going to ask if the "NC" thing would be a good idea. She hurt me really badly on my bday July 2nd and I havent talked to her since. And I guess all I can do it pray that she takes off the damn blinders and sees that I wasnt the one that made her unhappy, that it was infact her busy life. Also if anyone can awnser this, we had sex till the day we broke up and not even a couple weeks before that I had made a comment like, "lets do it" just messing around and she said I dont like it when you say it like that, its making love. So I asked her a couple weeks after our break up if it was sex we were having or making love, and she says making love. So hopefully that means something. Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 Hmm you make love to some1 your in love with, and its often better and more meaningful than just a shag. I think its good sometimes to wait in a new relationship, as when you get to know someone, and deveope an emotional bond, and start to fall in love, its often a better exp, than just plain sex, lasting longer, and more intimate and more intense. if that makes sense. (but then im 41!!) I would still stay in n/c as she is interested in another chap, and i would leave it to her to get intouch with you. If she really hurt you bad, she has to come to you, and you should take nothing less than im sorry for what i did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matwithonet Posted July 14, 2007 Author Share Posted July 14, 2007 Thanks man. Those words mean alot to me. And yes I have decided that no matter how hard it is, I'm going to wait for her to call me. And the whole makinig love thing is the thing I guess I hold on to, to know that she does still love me. And another thing I forgot to add was that me and her are firsts for everything besides she kissed someone before we got together. So maybe she is curious and needs to see this other guy isnt me. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 Well we have had many talks over the past few weeks and she said the only reason we arent back together is because she is scared that Im going to go back to messing around with school and not keeping my job and such. So basically Im wondering if any of you have had similiar experiences and maybe some advice because right now Im not even talking to her because I feel used right now. I mean a 6 year relationship just cant be thrown away can it? I truly love this girl and even though she has completely neglected me to school and work I still love her even though I want to hate her for the pain she has caused me. I was just wondering if also any of you have seen people in this situation get back together. You've been together since high school and in the six year span, people change. Maybe she does want to see what else is out there or simply doesn't want to be with you anymore. And yes a six year relationship can be thrown away. Any year together can. Sometimes time apart with no contact will help you both to see things clearer and if the relationship has run its course. I agree. In the meantime I'd continue to focus on yourself and not what she's doing. Who knows, maybe this breakup will turn into a good thing and you'll met someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matwithonet Posted July 14, 2007 Author Share Posted July 14, 2007 Well I've been doing just what you said. I'm just about to start dating one of my good friends, and whats worse is my ex wants everything her way because when I told her this she said "If it's who I think it is, its going to hurt alot". And the whole thing behind the sentence is that I had a crush on one of my best friends before I met my ex and now she's trying to make me feel bad for dating. I shouldn't feel bad at all right? So I don't understand whats going on in her head but it just seems like she wants everything and doesn't want me to have anything. And one other thing is about how you said people change over time. Well she has never seen me really in the past 5 years since we've been in school because of both of us going to school full time and working. So I really don't think it's that. I still think we are perfect together because we love all the same things. She has more in common with me then ANY of my male friends besides the fact we have different genitalia. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 Well I've been doing just what you said. I'm just about to start dating one of my good friends, and whats worse is my ex wants everything her way because when I told her this she said "If it's who I think it is, its going to hurt alot". And the whole thing behind the sentence is that I had a crush on one of my best friends before I met my ex and now she's trying to make me feel bad for dating. I shouldn't feel bad at all right? So I don't understand whats going on in her head but it just seems like she wants everything and doesn't want me to have anything. And one other thing is about how you said people change over time. Well she has never seen me really in the past 5 years since we've been in school because of both of us going to school full time and working. So I really don't think it's that. I still think we are perfect together because we love all the same things. She has more in common with me then ANY of my male friends besides the fact we have different genitalia. It's not your Ex's concern who you date nor do you have to tell her. If she doesn't like it tough. She'll get over it. You have a lot in common with other women as well. Not just her. You may feel this way about her but does she about you? Link to post Share on other sites
EricOnTheWeb Posted July 14, 2007 Share Posted July 14, 2007 I'm not really qualified to make any advice,but just that this must really suck...I guess I'm afraid something like this would happen to me...I don't think I could cope with it. Hope it works out and sorry I couldn't give solid advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matwithonet Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 Well its been 2 weeks with NC. It's been a little hard, but I have a good friend and I've been spending alot of time with her (the other good thing about hanging out with her is my ex doesn't like her because I used to have a huge crush on her). Just kind of sucks not knowing wether or not she is missing me or not. When we were talking for the first 2 months after we broke up she would call me and say she missed me. But on the 2nd of July I basically told her I almost hate her for what she has done. So maybe thats why she hasn't called. I've also been thinking wether or not Im going to awnser the phone if she does call or not. I get to go to UoI all week and get completely trashed, so that will help with the NC lawl. I apprieciate everyone's advice and if you want to keep giving more advice, I can't say that I'm opposed to it. Just trying to keep you updated while keeping myself sane and strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matwithonet Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 Don't know what I should do right now. I got back today from my little visit to UoI and saw that she had called from the restuarant she works at (she called like 15 minutes before her shift). Don't know if I should call her back or not. If anyone has an opinion, I would love to hear it. 3 weeks NC and she broke it. Not sure if it's a bad thing or not. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 You really need to grow up and start acting like a man. The reason why she was away was because she had legitimate reasons. Such as work, school, etc.. You were away because of a video game. She just got tired of YOUR neglect, so you throw a tantrum and decide to date another chick right away. Real smart move there, sparky. Not only are you continuing to hurt your ex gf, you are hurting this other woman and cheapening your friendship with her. You are intentionally using this other chick to get at your ex gf. Your ex is afraid you are going to go back to your old self and she has every right to feel that way. Good chance you haven't treated your ex gf good in a long time. Seems like everything is about you and what you want/feel. Only people who have this teenager mentality feel this way. If you want to work on things with your ex gf then you need to start taking responsibility and start showing respect towards her. Not living in your bedroom of your parent's house for the rest of your life. You also need to tell this other friend of yours the truth. Continue the way you are and you will be a very lonely man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matwithonet Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 whoa whoa, before you start making judgements, maybe you should ask questions. Because I havent played that game in a really long time. I quit doing that crap a while ago. I changed my entire life to make her happy. And its almost been 3 months, so I dont think its too soon to start another relationship. Plus at this point, I dont think I would take back my ex. Ive just been wondering if I should awnser the phone or not. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Three months is nothing. You need to worry about first getting a good enough job to stop living at your parents. You need to get your priorities straight. You need to look down the road. Where do you see yourself in a few years? Where do you want to be? If you don't want to be with your ex, just tell her and then stop answering her calls. She will get the hint and allow her to move on. I can't see how you can be over someone in 3 months, someone you were with for 6 years. That's called a rebound relationship and it won't last. Use this time wisely to start working on yourself. Keep this other chick as a friend (ie. no sex, etc..). Don't break her heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matwithonet Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 I agree it could be a rebound and I also agree that I shouldn't be over it, but if my ex is going to be over it and start another relationship, why cant I. Also I don't think it would be a total rebound because I have had feelings for her even before I met my ex. So maybe I'm not over my ex completey but I think I'm ready for another relationship Oh and the whole job thing, I have a new job and am moving out with my best friend right before school starts. So I have my priorities set, I'm going down the good road right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matwithonet Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 Don't know how to edit my last post, so I have to post again. So should I call her back or just wait to see if she calls again. Because like you said, I might be hurting her and despite home much she has hurt me, I don't think I want her to hurt. I'm just wondering if I call her, would that be breaking NC and I just need to wait for another phone call. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 So maybe I'm not over my ex completey but I think I'm ready for another relationship This does not make any sense. If you are not over someone 110% then you are NOT ready for another relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matwithonet Posted July 27, 2007 Author Share Posted July 27, 2007 Ok lets say I'm not ready fro a new relationship. SHould I call her back because she tried to call or should I just wait for another call or should I just ignore her all together? Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted July 27, 2007 Share Posted July 27, 2007 Ok lets say I'm not ready fro a new relationship. SHould I call her back because she tried to call or should I just wait for another call or should I just ignore her all together? Mat, I would wait. One call attempt means nothing imo. See if she trys again and even then depending on what your doing you may not want to answer.Maybe the call back a bit later. Your posting here so i think that you might still want a shot. Good luck. Good work with the job and the moving thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matwithonet Posted July 28, 2007 Author Share Posted July 28, 2007 Any other advice on being able to get another chance? Because when it comes down to it I love her so much, and she even said to me yesterday that she loves me. She said it without me asking her, so I'm guessing she is either confused or just messed up in the head lol. Link to post Share on other sites
soconfused2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Share Posted July 31, 2007 hey mat... I'm in a similar situation...after 6 years completely out of no where my girlfriend decided that she needed to find herself... it's been just over 4 months now since all this happened and I continue to hear from her... she tells me she loves me... she tells me she misses me... she tells me to be patient with her... she tells me she wants to do things with me...but they usually never pan out... so what the heck am I to think? Yeah it gives me hope and seems to make me feel worse because I don't understand...if you miss me why are you doing this? *Sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Author matwithonet Posted July 31, 2007 Author Share Posted July 31, 2007 I feel you man. I want to hate my girlfriend so badly but for some reason I just can not. I love this woman so much and I have almost too much in common with her. I know there are a lot of fish in the see but the only, ONLY difference in her and I, is she has a vagina and I have a penis. So I guess thats why it is so hard for me to hate her, even though everything she has done. Link to post Share on other sites
Hazy Posted July 31, 2007 Share Posted July 31, 2007 This does not make any sense. If you are not over someone 110% then you are NOT ready for another relationship. I don't necessarily agree with that. I have met a guy when I wasn't really over my ex yet, and he helped me realize that he was BETTER than my ex and he helped me get OVER my ex. So...I disagree, it's never too early to get out there and get back on that proverbial horse! Link to post Share on other sites
Author matwithonet Posted July 31, 2007 Author Share Posted July 31, 2007 Hazy I agree with that too. Even if I do ever want to start anything, I might never be over my first love. Is there any other suggestions on how to get someone back that still says they love you. I've been trying not to think about it and just work out and go to school and my job. But here it is, 430 am and I can't sleep because all I do is think about her. It's almost been 3 months and I still can not get her out of my head. I just don't know what to do anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matwithonet Posted August 1, 2007 Author Share Posted August 1, 2007 I did the dumb thing and called her again. And she says she loves me but is scared. I don't know what to do. I'm so sick and tired and feeling like this and I know I shouldn't have called her. She says she thinks about me everyday and gets sad. I just don't understand women. Link to post Share on other sites
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