Girlfriend interested in women?!

[loveratud]

Ok, I'm just... in shock here. See my long thread "A familiar story."

 

4 hours ago she updated her facebook to say that she's now interested in Women, and as for relationships "whatever she can get."

 

Needless to say I'm just extremely frustrated. I don't remember if I included this in my original post, but between ages 14 and 18, I thought I was gay. Since I turned 18 I figured out who I really was and just recently fell in love with this wonderful girl.

 

We discussed this sort of thing before when I explained my past to her. She experimented with girls when she was 16, and she just didn't feel any attraction. She was sure of this.

 

So I don't buy it. If she really felt that way, she knows she could have told me of all people, and I would have understood. Honestly, that would have made this so easy for me. I could have understood that. So I don't see her ending it over that without telling me.

 

So I'm thinking it's some kind of ploy, for one of the following reasons:

A) She's trying to get my attention after I've basically avoided all contact with her over the past week and a half.

B) She's trying to keep away the guys that are trying to move in in my wake.

C) She's trying to send a message to me to give up all hope

D) She's so confused about why things didn't work with what she called "the perfect guy" that she's questioning her sexuality.

E) She's trying to make me relate to her, so I will be her friend, which I've refused to do thus far.

 

That's all I've got. I plan on continuing my regularly scheduled no contact, leading up to the card I have picked out for her (it says "I wish I was holding you in more than just my heart.... I miss you.) I plan to write in it that I'm sorry for how the breakup went, and that I'll wait for her as long as it takes, because she's worth it. I also went to great lengths to get these special brazilian chocolates that she loves, but are now unavailable locally. I plan on having the card and the chocolates delivered a few days before Valentines day (which is my birthday.)

 

Anyone? I'm just like, shocked here. I thought this couldn't get any harder or more confusing. There's not really a sad country song to listen to that accurately captures this.

[notmakingsense]

Grow some balls man! She's publicly proclaiming her lack of interest in you, and you are going to write her some sappy note and send her chocolates?

 

Go ahead and do that if you want to make sure she never has any respect for you at all.

[loveratud]

Grow some balls man! She's publicly proclaiming her lack of interest in you, and you are going to write her some sappy note and send her chocolates?

 

Go ahead and do that if you want to make sure she never has any respect for you at all.

 

My expert advisors are indicating that she's still holding onto me. That's why she's doing this.

 

As for respect... ego and pride must be sacrificed at the altar of love. I'm past all that. I'll do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, because she's worth it.

[notmakingsense]

My expert advisors are indicating that she's still holding onto me. That's why she's doing this.

 

As for respect... ego and pride must be sacrificed at the altar of love. I'm past all that. I'll do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, because she's worth it.

 

Respect has nothing to do with ego or pride. People who associate with those who don't respect them are destined to be pissed on their whole lives, and people who don't respect someone won't fall in love with them.

[polywog]

I dunno, I feel like you are making it all about You. Maybe she IS interested in women, too, not just to make a point about your past relationship.

 

You just admitted that you had issues at one time with your own sexual identity. I have had bi friends who were attracted, unbeknownst, to other people of the opposite sex who had feelings like this, so this does not surprise me. Let it be.

[loveratud]

Respect has nothing to do with ego or pride. People who associate with those who don't respect them are destined to be pissed on their whole lives, and people who don't respect someone won't fall in love with them.

 

You're entire argument hinges on your assumption of what this new development really means. If you look at my lettered points, you'll see that your assumption is but one of five possible that I've come up with so far.

 

Even if you're right, I'm not just going to give up. That's respectable. Tenacity. Dedication. Loyalty. Vigilance.

[loveratud]

I dunno, I feel like you are making it all about You. Maybe she IS interested in women, too, not just to make a point about your past relationship.

 

You just admitted that you had issues at one time with your own sexual identity. I have had bi friends who were attracted, unbeknownst, to other people of the opposite sex who had feelings like this, so this does not surprise me. Let it be.

 

She's made every effort to be places she knows I'm going to be. She went to the comedy show I announced I was going to a week in advance. She showed up to bring me tea at a petition that I was advertised to be at. She signed up to go to a party that I have to be at.

 

She's sent me facebook messages asking why I didn't say hello at the comedy show.

 

I and my advisors believe that my NC is working. She's becoming increasingly desperate to solicit a reaction from me.

[notmakingsense]

You're entire argument hinges on your assumption of what this new development really means. If you look at my lettered points, you'll see that your assumption is but one of five possible that I've come up with so far.

 

Even if you're right, I'm not just going to give up. That's respectable. Tenacity. Dedication. Loyalty. Vigilance.

 

I'm actually not paying much attention to the different theories you posted. She made a post that disrespects you -- regardless of the reason -- and she's willing to risk pissing you off. This shows she doesn't much care what you think.

 

Respect, tenacity, dedication, and loyalty are only meaningful when they are directed at people who deserve it.

[loveratud]

I'm actually not paying much attention to the different theories you posted. She made a post that disrespects you -- regardless of the reason -- and she's willing to risk pissing you off. This shows she doesn't much care what you think.

 

Respect, tenacity, dedication, and loyalty are only meaningful when they are directed at people who deserve it.

 

Chalk it up to me knowing her better than anyone. I don't think this is for real. I think this is her trying to get a reaction out of me. I think we're both extremely stubborn, proud people, and she's already said, "I don't think I'm going to come crying back this time." Referring to a 6 hour break before new years after she freaked out after kissing her ex boyfriend. I immediately forgave her, but agreed to the break, telling her I knew things weren't over. I left town for about 6 hours before she called me crying, apologizing, asking me to come back, that she was just emotional and didn't really want to be apart.

 

I think she's feeling the same way now, but things have progressed so far that she's too proud, stubborn or afraid to admit it.

 

Thus I think my appropriately time show of love and affection in a week or so might "break the ice" as it were, and let her know that I'm still very interested.

 

Of course, I could just be making this all about me while in reality my girlfriend likes girls. I guess we'll find out. Either way, my friends all agree this has gotten MUCH more interesting.

[notmakingsense]

Chalk it up to me knowing her better than anyone. I don't think this is for real. I think this is her trying to get a reaction out of me. I think we're both extremely stubborn, proud people, and she's already said, "I don't think I'm going to come crying back this time." Referring to a 6 hour break before new years after she freaked out after kissing her ex boyfriend. I immediately forgave her, but agreed to the break, telling her I knew things weren't over. I left town for about 6 hours before she called me crying, apologizing, asking me to come back, that she was just emotional and didn't really want to be apart.

 

I think she's feeling the same way now, but things have progressed so far that she's too proud, stubborn or afraid to admit it.

 

Thus I think my appropriately time show of love and affection in a week or so might "break the ice" as it were, and let her know that I'm still very interested.

 

Of course, I could just be making this all about me while in reality my girlfriend likes girls. I guess we'll find out. Either way, my friends all agree this has gotten MUCH more interesting.

 

Do you really want to be with someone who is so proud and stubborn that she is willing to risk losing you? Is it going to be your permanent role in life to be the one that struggles to make a long-term relationship work with her?

 

In my opinion, however wrong it may be, is that there is a woman out there much better for you. A woman that doesn't cheat, a woman that doesn't cause you to have to work so hard at earning her respect, a woman that will be with you through thick and thin....

 

Well, good luck. I know I can come across sounding harsh, but I just felt like you needed a bit of a jolt to get you back to reality -- but I failed.

[bubbalump]

I think you should stop checking the facebook/myspace etc. and stop worrying about what shes doing, as it isnt very productive. You just over think everything she does now. Work on yourself.

 

And she kissed her ex? Thats not respecting you atall. Tell her to kick rocks, move on.

[loveratud]

I think you should stop checking the facebook/myspace etc. and stop worrying about what shes doing, as it isnt very productive. You just over think everything she does now. Work on yourself.

 

And she kissed her ex? Thats not respecting you atall. Tell her to kick rocks, move on.

 

Myself is fine. I'm a good looking guy, in good shape, attractive. A lot of girls have tried to move in on me in the last few weeks. She told me during the break up that she found me very attractive, and that she felt that I had a harder time finding her attractive. She also said on several occasions (both during the relationship and the breakup) that it was the best sex of her life. We've both got numbers a bit above 20, so we both know what we're doing, and what we want in bed. We were very compatible in bed.

 

I'm still going to the gym 4 times a week, eating right, just like I was before. I don't need to work on me. I never "let myself go." I couldn't, for her.

 

And yes, I'm willing to work every day for the rest of my life to make this keep working. Love takes work. No one said it was easy. But it's worth it. Maybe I just understand that better than some of you.

[Am4Real]

Do you really want to be with someone who is so proud and stubborn that she is willing to risk losing you? Is it going to be your permanent role in life to be the one that struggles to make a long-term relationship work with her?

 

Well, good luck. I know I can come across sounding harsh, but I just felt like you needed a bit of a jolt to get you back to reality -- but I failed.

 

Hey NMS,

 

I’ve had several exchanges with LOVERATUD along the same lines, especially at trying to distance himself from this girl. He insists he is trying to save this love yet many of the observations he has posted seem to indicate she is not interested in him and lacks respect for his feelings. I’m here for him but not sure what else can be said about the realities and perhaps denial.

 

Loveratud, try to get away from her, stop checking her Myspace and wherever else you are snooping, go NC for a couple of weeks or a month and see where you’re at when this time concludes.

 

Good luck!

[notmakingsense]

And yes, I'm willing to work every day for the rest of my life to make this keep working. Love takes work. No one said it was easy. But it's worth it. Maybe I just understand that better than some of you.

 

loveratud -- you are very young. It seems you haven't yet learned that love does take work -- but it takes work from both people involved. When one person works and the other doesn't, the person not working begins to subconsciously lose respect for the person who does all the working. While standing up for yourself might seem like it is counter-intuitive at first, it is probably the best chance you have left at forging a quality relationship.

[notmakingsense]

Hey NMS,

 

I’ve had several exchanges with LOVERATUD along the same lines, especially at trying to distance himself from this girl. He insists he is trying to save this love yet many of the observations he has posted seem to indicate she is not interested in him and lacks respect for his feelings. I’m here for him but not sure what else can be said about the realities and perhaps denial.

 

Loveratud, try to get away from her, stop checking her Myspace and wherever else you are snooping, go NC for a couple of weeks or a month and see where you’re at when this time concludes.

 

Good luck!

 

loveratud -- we are all here for you, and wish you the best of luck. You are, in many ways, like me -- I had to learn the hard way -- I didn't listen to advice. I feel that it will take months or years of her disrespect for you to learn the lesson. That's Ok -- we'll be here supporting you anyway.

[loveratud]

I think we've already covered me being stubborn and proud. I like to be right. And I'd damn sure like to be right about this.

[loveratud]

She backed off the crazy train after I didn't respond in any way to the change. Today she changed her profile to interested in men and women, but looking for friendship.

 

She was also tagged in a couple photos by some brazilian guy that goes to our school. I've never heard of him. She's cooking lunch somewhere in the pictures. She's wearing a guy's tshirt over her sweater as an apron. The captions he put on them are things like "What a cute chef" and "she's very pretty." I got irrationally angry about this. Went to the gym, assaulted a punching bag for about 15 minutes.

 

Then I went to my first salsa dance class.

[burning 4 revenge]

If there is a heaven I'll someday be a lesbian

[RecordProducer]

So I'm thinking it's some kind of ploy, for one of the following reasons:

A) She's trying to get my attention after I've basically avoided all contact with her over the past week and a half.

B) She's trying to keep away the guys that are trying to move in in my wake.

C) She's trying to send a message to me to give up all hope

D) She's so confused about why things didn't work with what she called "the perfect guy" that she's questioning her sexuality.

E) She's trying to make me relate to her, so I will be her friend, which I've refused to do thus far.

Ever thought of studying psychology? You have an analytical mind.

[loveratud]

Ever thought of studying psychology? You have an analytical mind.

 

I'm not interested in helping people. And I'd like to have a job after college.

[RocketMan2]

And yes, I'm willing to work every day for the rest of my life to make this keep working. Love takes work. No one said it was easy. But it's worth it. Maybe I just understand that better than some of you.

 

Thats my view at times. Of course it takes work, but my ex just didnt want to

 

She's stringing you along by the looks of it. She probably knows you'd do anything and is just keeping you in the background.

 

 

Rocket

[Road Rage]

loveratud

 

You seem to know a lot for sure. And I am probably wrong. But that idea you have for Valentines Day seems to be defeat. I think you should just keep holding out until you get the behavior, loyalty, etc., that you really want and then reward her.

 

Don`t miss the obvious, your no contact is getting results. Don`t cave until she falls completely in line.

 

I don`t know why I am bothering to respond to this post. It is all pure b*llsh*t anyway.

[loveratud]

loveratud

 

You seem to know a lot for sure. And I am probably wrong. But that idea you have for Valentines Day seems to be defeat. I think you should just keep holding out until you get the behavior, loyalty, etc., that you really want and then reward her.

 

Don`t miss the obvious, your no contact is getting results. Don`t cave until she falls completely in line.

 

I don`t know why I am bothering to respond to this post. It is all pure b*llsh*t anyway.

 

That's actually a very interesting argument. Wait her out more.

 

I plan on maintaining NC after the card\chocolate idea. I just want to assure her that I'm still around. Plus delivering it a few days before Valentines day\my birthday will give her the opportunity to make a grand gesture that day; and that's something a romantic like me can't resist.

[RocketMan2]

That's actually a very interesting argument. Wait her out more.

 

Thats my only doubt about NC...

 

What if you're both NCing, waiting for the other....

 

How sad would it be to let something go because noone said anything...

 

 

Rocket

[notmakingsense]

Thats my only doubt about NC...

 

What if you're both NCing, waiting for the other....

 

How sad would it be to let something go because noone said anything...

 

 

Rocket

 

There is always a dumper and a dumpee. Usually, the choice is obvious: The responsibility of reconciliation lies with the dumper. Dumpees can break NC and convince the dumper back, but I'd bet that if you did a study on the success statistics of these types of second chances, you'd find that they don't look so good.