twit Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 I've been with my life partner for 14 years. After a few straws, the camel's back broke and I entered an affair with out mutual best friend. I fell insanely in love and subsequently destroyed my life and I have no friends anymore. My partner was relentless in not losing this battle. Of course, i lost it first and I am back with my partner. He has been supportive but understandably holding this enormous stuff-up as a measuring stick against me. I feel stupid and rejected. My former friend/lover is obviously hostile and now believes drastic untruths that have circulated about me and it has now become more than obvious that he used me as a self esteem vehicle during some trouble in his life. But it became obvious that he was lying terribly to his wife and me but seemed to have that knack (or I had the self protection barrier working over-time) to put me at ease when he visited despite the conflicting information I was dealing with. We had been great friends for well over a decade but neither my partner or myself got along with his partner. The affair started as a result of his lamenting the inevitable end (and non existence of his present relationship). I was stupid, drunk on love and ultimately, drunk on alcohol. Since the breakup he has been "out of the picture" and any contact has been hostile (to the max) from his point of view. I have not had any nasty breakups/divorce etc. which have ended in nastiness, let alone hatred. I feel totally gutted and it's been two years and I am still unable to shake the emotions good/evil that seem to have eaten away my self esteem and part of my humanity. I feel like a teenager stuck in a fantasy about my own self worth combined with an adult struggling with a total combustible opinion of myself full stop. I have struggled with prescription drugs and alcohol since and wouldn't recommend an affair to my worst enemy. I know I need to get out and start some new interests, but I feel like a failure of a human being, not even being able to maintain my own household. I don't and have never chased him since the end but his partner and mother of his children has persisted with a slur campaign which seems to be abating. I really think I need an institution to lock me away and give me a few electric shocks. Suicide is an option I avoid for my loved ones - definitely not me. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Get some professional help for your addictions and for your emotional well-being. No person is all bad or all good. Yes, you've made some mistakes, but you don't have to pay for them for the rest of your life...even if that means leaving your partner and getting your head back together while on your own. You can have a fresh start, but you need to forgive yourself first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author twit Posted January 6, 2007 Author Share Posted January 6, 2007 Thank you so much for reading my horrible post. I really appreciate your input mainly because you showed some care and sympathy towards my stupidity. I am in recovery in relation to this friend/lover - horrible person <--- the hardest thing to deal with. I know I am getting slowly better emotionally, but I know I need help and having posted here, is testimony to this. Thank you again for caring, because that is what I need the most Link to post Share on other sites
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