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OmG what have I done? psycho me


Mollyanna

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this is the second time i have wrriten this because the first one was erased by a push of a button by accident.

 

this will be shorter probably.

 

drunk i will warn you of that now... taking a long time to type and correct.

 

OK, went out and had a fabulous time. then decided I would go walk on the beach by myself at night to think. went to said beach but lights and cars and people freaked me out so i didn't park. i turned into my ex's street and deciede to park my car there. he won't mind right, he wants to be my bestest friend, right? but once there i called to tell him so he wouldn't be mad if he saw my car (like he woudl be up!)

 

THEn tried to take a cigarette to the beach, but had no (grammar bad, i know) , light so... OMG OMG OmG i freakishly went in his back gate, into his house and to his room and popped up by his bed and told him I needed a light. He kept saying "my name< what areyou doing here?" 3 times. and suddenly i realized omg **** what thehell, and i sank to the floor cryng saying OMG I don't know. i just want toget out of here. please don't hate me, om g what am i doning here i am drunk and omg, and i Just cried and cried.

 

I left while he is arguing with me telling me not to go because there could be rapists on the beach or weirdos of something. actually met some people there and had fun, but now I am home amd wondering, what the ehll do i do now? i dont' thin, i have ever been so embarassed in my life. I called him from the beach too and i remember apologizing and him saying it was OK that I ws just drunk and horny, and me sayng, no i didn't want to see you, i just wanted a light and my car to park there.

 

Whil.e I was there, I stood against the wall in his room as far away as I could, and i even remember saying, see, i am not here to be with you, i am staying away.

 

OMG is there any way to gain my dignity bac,? I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. this is so screwecd up. oh wait i wrote a text message to him too at 4:30 ths morning before i lef t the beach. here is what it saidL

 

"What did I do? It was a series of events that i dont' understand. i honestly had no motive other than leaving my car and gettng a light. so ****ed up what I did. so ****ing unbelievable that i cannot show my face to us again. way beyond stupid. omg."

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haha thats kind of funny. Your lucky he didn't freak out at you! but he understood. I know your feeling embarassed right about now but those feelings will past just don't send him any more text messages explaining your self . How long have you been broken up?

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We went on a break a month a ago, but kept seeing each other anyway and it was leading to some problems. So 4 days ago, we agreed to not see or talk to each other for a while. Well, I broke that. I suck at NC!

 

Going there last night just made me start missing him all over again. Today I am back to square one missing him so badly that my heart aches. He called this morning to see if I was alright. He is not mad at all. He thinks it is pretty funny. I kept saying how embarassed I was and he said "Don't be, baby. there's nothing to be embarassed about. We will pretend it never happened." then he told me to stop hanging out with his friend because it was going to get me in trouble. (i had told him how the night went.)

 

him taking my behavior so in stride is why I love him. He is calm and supportive no matter what.

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AriaIncognito

It's sh*t like that that makes me mad. The fact that you 2 are broken up, and he's all "dont be BABY". Why do they use the pet names on us when we're broken up? I think mine dumped me, then called me sweetie within the same conversation. I said to him dont call me that it makes me think that you want to be with me.

 

Why must they muddy the waters with that kinda talk when they know we are all hurting and whatnot.

 

Ugh. Men.

 

Jennifer

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Mollyanna,

 

I've been following your threads. Have you considered getting some help with a therapist? I have been there myself and it worked wonders for helping me get back on my feet. I don't mean to sound harsh, but what you did is considered stalking by most people. It's good that he was calm, but if someone did that to me I would be seriously fraeked out by them. He asked you for space, now please leave the poor guy alone. And cut back on the alcohol while you're at it.

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I KNOW what I did was wrong. I know all this drinking is trouble. I KNOW I need to see a therapist. I'm mortified and humiliated and feel like I just chased him so far away now. I feel this sudden need to move the hell out of this state because I am so embarassed.

 

I am not stalking him. My friend and I have both entered his house many times since I have known him, and surprised him. He always liked it. It wasn't until I was already in there asking for a lighter that I realized, OMG you don't get to do this anymore. You are not together anymore! You aren't even speaking to each other! he said "What are you doing here?" 3 times. and I just sat there and said I don't know. and this flood of realization came over me and I just wanted to die right there.

 

He laughed and laughed this morning and thought it was all funny. But I KNOW I can't do that again. Next time there may be a girl in there and it wouldn't be good for any of us!

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It sounds like you might be drinking just a wee too much, we lose control of our emotions and our rational thought process when we drink to much.... Please cut back on the drinking, do that for yourself. I understand the urge to drink so that you don't feel anything but honestly all it does is make those thoughts more heightened. Therapy sounds good, it will give you someone to talk to and hopefully you can get this guy out of your heart and head and move on to a guy who deserves your love and who will love you the same. Please take care of yourself !!!

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Ah,

 

Well, if you can laugh about it...

 

I'm glad you guys are talking now, hey.

 

Ariadne

 

I don't think we are. He was just arriving at work when he called this morning, so after our 20 minute conversation about the evening and me spewing apologies left and right, he finally told me, hey I gotta go. We got to get working now. OK sweetie? You gonna be OK? and I said yes and told him to have a good day at work and he said "I will" and we said "Bye". no mention of us ever talking again. I don't think this conversation opened the doors to that. We still have the same unresolved issues that cause this "break" to begin with. He has always left it up to me to call him whenever I am ready.

 

Even though I miss him and hearing his voice made me cry, I am still not ready.

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It sounds like you might be drinking just a wee too much, we lose control of our emotions and our rational thought process when we drink to much.... Please cut back on the drinking, do that for yourself. I understand the urge to drink so that you don't feel anything but honestly all it does is make those thoughts more heightened. Therapy sounds good, it will give you someone to talk to and hopefully you can get this guy out of your heart and head and move on to a guy who deserves your love and who will love you the same. Please take care of yourself !!!

 

I only ate like half a sandwich yesterday and on antidepressants too. It didn't even dawn on me till today that I should not be mixing alcohol with prescription medication.

 

I do need to go to therapy. It is just so hard because they never want to talk about what is going on now, first they want to know my whole history and I cannot take "re-living" all of that again.

 

I don't want to get him out of my heart though. Last night I felt real hope for us and then I had to go and destroy that. My friend just told me last night that she knows he cares about me more than anyone he has dated and it scares him to death. She said if i just wait for him to come around, she really believes we will be together. She is his best friend! She told him just 2 days ago that he would be an idiot for letting me go and he said "you are probably right on that one".

 

then I go out and try to sabotage it. just like what he was doing.

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Ok, don't go to therapy but do two things: Stop drinking (I totally agree with the other posters on that one) and stop contacting him.

 

If you do those things you will get your dignity back. You might even get HIM back. But do it for you, not for him.

 

You said you're not good at NC. It's hard at first but it gets easier. Some days will be harder than others. Just come on here instead and post.

 

So why don't you commit to doing those two things starting TODAY! I guarantee you'll feel better about yourself. Forget the past. We all make dumb mistakes. Look ahead to the future now.

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Hey,

 

Jesus. He's though.

 

Well, at least he is nice and sweet too, and as long as you see him.

 

I think that it's good that you went to his house. As long as he doesn't get mad. Next time you can kiss him too.

 

Ariadne

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Next time? I don't think she wants to humiliate herself like that again. He will end up losing all respect for her. It sounds like she's already lost respect for herself.

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I agree, she doesn't need to lose any more respect for herself. Don't let there be a next time, you need to figure out what you want and how you feel. Don't be afraid to be alone for a while, it's tough sometimes but you might actually get to know yourself and figure out what it is that you really want... without the alcohol of course :)

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Oh no,

 

Everything is good for love.

 

Ariadne

 

I beg to differ Ariadne. Everything is NOT good for love. I think you're trying to be Molly's friend but you're giving her advice that will hurt her in the end. I don't think you want her to be hurt do you?

 

They're not speaking. Her ex is just being very diplomatic now and doesn't want to hurt her anymore. What if he decides to NOT be so nice next time and calls the police? What if you had a girlfriend whose ex did that to her? Wouldn't you tell her to call the police if he breaks into her house next time? Or would you tell her that "everything is good for love"?

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When I told him what I did was psycho, it said it wasn't. He knew how drunk I was and how I handle alcohol. (i do some really silly things, like go to the beach by myself, sleep outside, take walks in the woods). He said if I had done it sober, THEN that would be psycho.

 

I have no intention of ever doing this again. I am so lucky right now that he handled it the way he did. He was joking with me. He laughed at me and said how silly I was. But, he also said he was worried about me.

 

I can't promise I will stop drinking, but I am definitely staying away from hard liquor. no more shots, no more mixed drinks. simply beer from now on. I never get too messed up from that. And I am not partying or leaving my car anywhere near his house, just in case...

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I agree, she doesn't need to lose any more respect for herself. Don't let there be a next time, you need to figure out what you want and how you feel. Don't be afraid to be alone for a while, it's tough sometimes but you might actually get to know yourself and figure out what it is that you really want... without the alcohol of course :)

 

I was alone for an entire year before I met him. Was trying to get over the last ex. I am almost 34. My clock is ticking. I can't afford to take time off to be alone again.

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I did my best:(

 

Oh, P.S. switching to beer won't help. You have an alcohol issue that will ruin your life if you don't get help or stop. Mark my words. You say you have no intentions of doing that again but if you dont' stop drinking, you more than likely WILL do it again...whether it's beer or liquor. It won't matter.

 

I hope you don't think I'm being mean. I'm really not. I just know what I'm talking about.

 

I know you and Ariadne are buddies and she thinks you're not doing anything wrong but trust me..you're doing a lot wrong. You can fix it though. You're stronger than you think.

 

Good luck, Molly. I mean that sincerely.

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burning 4 revenge
I was alone for an entire year before I met him. Was trying to get over the last ex. I am almost 34. My clock is ticking. I can't afford to take time off to be alone again.

Me neither. PM me

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I did my best:(

 

Oh, P.S. switching to beer won't help. You have an alcohol issue that will ruin your life if you don't get help or stop. Mark my words. You say you have no intentions of doing that again but if you dont' stop drinking, you more than likely WILL do it again...whether it's beer or liquor. It won't matter.

 

I hope you don't think I'm being mean. I'm really not. I just know what I'm talking about.

 

I know you and Ariadne are buddies and she thinks you're not doing anything wrong but trust me..you're doing a lot wrong. You can fix it though. You're stronger than you think.

 

Good luck, Molly. I mean that sincerely.

 

I don't think you are being mean AT ALL. But I don't have an alcohol issue yet, but I can see where it is getting out of hand. i am very seldom ever drunk, but when I get drunk, i get rip-roarin drunk. I just need to really SLOW it down and stop staying out all hours of the night. I have been living like my college days again. not good.

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Hi,

 

Just a note in general.

 

People are just paranoid.

 

Mollyanna was drunk and went to get a lighter. The guy laughed it off.

 

You guys are saying that the next time the guy is going to call the police. It seems like the most minimal thing is a reason for stalking, harassing. Relax people.

 

I think nobody means harm when they do those silly things, and I wouldn't want to see romanticism gone.

 

Ariadne

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