DON'T Dig Around For Things

[WeaknPowerless]

Ugh!

 

I knew better, but I was curious. I just found out that my ex's dad passed away...the problem is I found out through a news report, and it happened on April 12.

 

She never bothered to tell me, which I suppose is good, but...I dunno. I just feel like garbage now. I don't want to hear from her, but at the same time, we were all extremely close, especially me and her dad. And from all the garbage relationships she's had, I'm the one guy who treated her right, and she's just vanished, just like when she left me.

 

I guess I should look at it as she probably doesn't want to risk adding drama on an already emotional time for her.

 

Argh, this is just a vent. I was doing so well too. These heartbreaking frustrations never seem to heal. I'm tired of all these tests on my emotions. How can one person become so deeply attatched to another???

 

For the sake of your sanity, don't look up anything about your ex, EVER!

[Brittanyjean06]

I'm sorry you had to hear it like that and not from her, especially since you were close with her father.

 

You are right though, never dig for things..because it will only hurt you, and your better off not knowing what their doing..Sometimes things feel like their never gonna heal, the pain is never going to go away but it will with sime I'm sure...

 

thats what they all say

 

I would call her if I were you, talk about her father and how that upset you that you didn't hear it from her, I know shes your ex...but you entitled to talk to her about it if you thing it will help you some..

[chocolate_boy]

 

I would call her if I were you, talk about her father and how that upset you that you didn't hear it from her, I know shes your ex...but you entitled to talk to her about it if you thing it will help you some..

 

Sorry, but I think she will be hurting a lot more, and have much more on her mind than an ex boyfriend.

 

Sure, call her if you want to be a supportive friend, but definitely don't call to help yourself or to put guilt on her.

[Art_Critic]

Don't call.. send a sympathy card

 

When my SterpMom passed away a few years ago I got a sympathy card from an ex girlfriend and it made me feel good..

 

It was someone that we had not spoken in about 8 months..We emailed back and forth later a few times and I asked her how she found out and she said her Mom reads the obits and saw it there.

 

Like I said .. it made me feel good and a call might have felt like it was a bit too much

[WeaknPowerless]

There's no way I can call her. I don't even know how I even feel anymore. I feel like I'm carrying this grudge some days, and others, I know I was coldly discarded with little to no discretion.

 

Admittedly, this post is a bit selfish. She contacted me in February looking for pictures and things I had of her dad, and then he passes and I don't hear about it from anyone. Without rehashing past events, our relationship was very serious at one point, and both our families (me with hers, and when she met mine) became very close.

 

It just seems like more icing to the cake. She's killing me with how this all went down. A total 180 from what I thought was the truth.

 

I don't even know if I can send a sympathy card, especially since it happened 2 months ago now. Sorta looks lame on my part. No one felt the need to tell me, I find out through the damn internet, and there I go again, being weak and trying to still be a part of our old life.

 

Another battle between my emotions and my self esteem seems to be building again. How fun! *sarcasm* Yay for self pity.

[Art_Critic]

A family losing a loved one grieves and needs support for months sometimes many months after the death..

 

So sending a sympathy card to her/her family months after the funeral falls in the okay zone as far as Etiquette.

[jerbear]

I never really had to deal with a family member dealing with death till now.

 

This is something I read from Guiliani, Weddings are optional, Funerals are a must.

 

Funerals are when all hatchets are buried or put to rest for that time.

 

Send a card, follow their guidance, if you read about those instead of flowers send donations to XYZ c/o family member. I would follow that to show that we are human.

[In Sync]

Send a sympathy card and flowers to her family. Can you do that without getting all wound up about it? If not leave it alone. Right now she needs comfort, not drama and rehashing what happened between you two.

[Art_Critic]

Send a sympathy card and flowers to her family. Can you do that without getting all wound up about it? If not leave it alone. Right now she needs comfort, not drama and rehashing what happened between you two.

 

Only condolences need to be said..

[In Sync]

Only condolences need to be said..

 

 

faux paw;)

[WeaknPowerless]

Yeah, I have no desire to talk about the past. That wouldn't happen at all. Mostly because, through this six months, I've realized there isn't a single word/sentance/paragraph/novel...that she could say that would make me feel good about what happened.

 

Funerals are when all hatchets are buried or put to rest for that time.

 

That's it right there. Or at least it should be. I have become so incredibly selfish about myself over the last few months, that it might be crossing over from "focusing on me" to becoming a problem. It's not towards others. I am still a nice guy. Just selfish in regards to her, even though we don't speak.

 

I'm thinking, with this half hour of posting, I'm seeing a bit of an underlying issue here, my inability to forgive and forget. I can't comprehend the loss of a loved one, it's never really happened to me yet, so here I am, taking my NC and my "me first attitude" into more self turmoil...and all it does is hurt me. It's pointless and useless.

 

My brain is telling me to do the right thing. My stupid heart, scarred and broken, likes to interfere.

 

Thanks for the replys. I tend to get a little self indulged when I get on here. I don't want to come across as really self absorbed or attention seeking from my problems. Just more rambling from my head then anything.

[Diver012]

Yeah, I have no desire to talk about the past. That wouldn't happen at all. Mostly because, through this six months, I've realized there isn't a single word/sentance/paragraph/novel...that she could say that would make me feel good about what happened.

 

 

 

That's it right there. Or at least it should be. I have become so incredibly selfish about myself over the last few months, that it might be crossing over from "focusing on me" to becoming a problem. It's not towards others. I am still a nice guy. Just selfish in regards to her, even though we don't speak.

 

I'm thinking, with this half hour of posting, I'm seeing a bit of an underlying issue here, my inability to forgive and forget. I can't comprehend the loss of a loved one, it's never really happened to me yet, so here I am, taking my NC and my "me first attitude" into more self turmoil...and all it does is hurt me. It's pointless and useless.

 

My brain is telling me to do the right thing. My stupid heart, scarred and broken, likes to interfere.

 

Thanks for the replys. I tend to get a little self indulged when I get on here. I don't want to come across as really self absorbed or attention seeking from my problems. Just more rambling from my head then anything.

 

I dont think your being selfish, I think your being realistic. It always hurts when someone you care about, suddenly doesnt care back. SO whats the natural instinct, to hurt, to cry, to get angry, and eventually, you dont care back. They have moved on with their life, they may actually be happy that you are moving on with yours.