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"Best friends"?


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Old 7th June 2006, 6:33 AM   #1
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"Best friends"?

My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me 4 months ago.

We got on amazingly well and had wonderful times. We broke up because I didn't want to move out from where I was living with my ex - I couldn't afford it and didn't want to give up the security. She was never really sure what the score was with the ex and it really hurt her. I terribly regret that. I want to prove to her that I am a changed man and to make amends.

When we broke up, I said I would move out and come to her city but she said she didnt want me to do it for her but for me. She has maintained that she wants to be "best friends" and has been really hurt when I cut off contact. In the end, I said I couldn't be friends and said some harsh things that I regret. I said that I was back with the ex, which is not true.

We are 1 month into NC. I miss her really, really badly.

I am finding it really hard to let go, because I know there was only one thing wrong with us, and that we never got to have the proper relationship so I don't feel that its "done". I also feel like - if we are "best friends", as we both feel, shouldn't we be together? I want the girl I am with to be my best friend in the world and thats her. I feel she understands me in a way that no one else does.

I am still at the stage of thinking there might be a way we would get back in the future. I have never been friends with an ex and I can only interpret that as a way to bide time and see if I get my act sorted properly. I am really tempted to break NC and take back what I said about not being anything in the future. I have no idea what she is feeling right now but I know that I will be very hard for her to replace in terms of what I gave her.

I don't know what to do. I want to try to make it work but chasing her made it worse. I want the hurt to heal but I can't see how that will happen while I still cling to the possibility of a future reconciliation. I want to have a proper go at it.

Should I send her a note saying I am open to being friends after a period of NC? Will she miss me more feeling that I really am not there? Can lovers go to being best friends? Is that what she really wants or is it about keeping me in the picture for a possible future go at the relationship?
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Old 7th June 2006, 11:20 AM   #2
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man, I'm bewildered how you let your ex get in the way of your relationship, and then let your ex seal the fate of your relationship. You gotta make up your mind what the raw deal is. It's hard to understand your situation from the little that you've written, but my hunch is this.... log yourself out of LS, take that chance, and give that girl that you like a call.

Screw the NC cuz it should never have been an NC had you been honest with her. It's a 50/50 chance whether she'll take you back IF you try calling her. That ain't too bad considering that your chances are zero if you continue to stick around LS.
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Old 7th June 2006, 6:10 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elijahBailey
man, I'm bewildered how you let your ex get in the way of your relationship, and then let your ex seal the fate of your relationship. You gotta make up your mind what the raw deal is. It's hard to understand your situation from the little that you've written, but my hunch is this.... log yourself out of LS, take that chance, and give that girl that you like a call.

Screw the NC cuz it should never have been an NC had you been honest with her. It's a 50/50 chance whether she'll take you back IF you try calling her. That ain't too bad considering that your chances are zero if you continue to stick around LS.

My ex gave me a place to live for free while I tried to get my business off the ground. I had a lot of setbacks and got seriously depressed plus I am really insecure about moving and change because of a traumatic childhood. It was lots of things really - I never decided I didn't want to move, I just put it off for too long. The city where the girl I love lives is one of the most expensive in the world and I knew it would be really harsh.

I was totally honest with her at first, I tried to get her back really hard for a couple of months and she just backed off. I told her I would get my act together and she just said no, it was too late and she was too hurt. She refused to let me know what was going on in her head, I couldn't work out if she was just biding her time to see if I got my act together or if she genuinely wants to move on. I ran into her in a club with some guy she had picked up that night - he was just some fat bloke, not even her type so I'm not sure what that was about?!

She told me she loves me and I am her best friend. I don't know what she is thinking at all after 1 month of NC. I would like to think that she misses me. I really want her back but I honestly don't think she wants me. She told me no enough times but then she broke down completely when I said I wanted to do NC so....?
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Old 8th June 2006, 9:25 AM   #4
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wow, I don't know what happened between you two, but it must've been quite somethin' for her to be so firm about not wanting to see you no more. From the additional info that you've given, I think she's really moved on. Sometimes the hurt is just too excruciating for someone to wanna risk it happening to him/her all over again. I think it's time for you to move on too. Let it be another page in your life. Start afresh dude.
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