Its been more than one year...

[deepimpact]

Hi guys,

Its been more than one year since i broke up with that girl. It was a weird break-up for a 3 years old relationship. We just stopped contacting each other. She came to my house one day and collected all her stuff and in the morning i dropped her at her work and that was it.

NC for a few months and then she contacted me via msn asked me how i was. After another few months, i invited her to a dinner and she told me she was seeing somebody else and they are planing to get married and she cant see me. That was six months ago and she blocked me on her msn that day and we had NC since then.

Well, i felt very bad six months ago, my friends and you people on this forum told me that time will heal and i should do some new stuff like working out and that i did.... I lost like 30 pounds and built a lot of muscle. Btw thanks guys, i really look great now. Meanwhile, i was trying to forget her and not to think about her but i cant say i am very successful with that. In that six months, i didnt feel like meeting new women, i was even ignoring women checking me out openly. I just dont have heart to flirt with them i dunno why.

Suddenly, last friday she comes online on my msn with a display picture of her and her new boyfriend (btw i look way better way cooler than him which was a little relief ). She checked my new display picture and stayed online for hours no messages though. Im now asking myself what the hell that appearance after six months means. Im also asking myself why i cant move on... I dont feel like meeting new women because i still love her or i just miss her company or what?? Thats a dilemma i cant come up with a clear choice. Time was supposed to heal, but my last weekend was terrible because of that friday appearance and i havent even seen her for more than one year.

And why the hell she intentionally unblocked me and showed me that picture of her and her boyfriend?

 

Thank you all for your time...

[Diver012]

Maybe in a weird sort of way she is trying to get you to move on. Or maybe she thought you had and it was ok for her to initiate contact again...

 

I do have to ask one question though, why do you still have her on you MSN list? My opinion only, I would block her. I would also get rid of any memories you have together, pictures, what ever they may be.. that might help.

[BrandonBP]

In that six months, i didnt feel like meeting new women, i was even ignoring women checking me out openly. I just dont have heart to flirt with them i dunno why.

 

Im also asking myself why i cant move on... I dont feel like meeting new women because i still love her or i just miss her company or what?? Thats a dilemma i cant come up with a clear choice. Time was supposed to heal...

Oh crap man. It's only been a little over a week for me and I'm scared to death that in six months I'll be exactly where you are now. Especially when I tried to get her to tell me whether or not she wanted me to give up and move on, and she said, "I can't tell you that we'll never be together again because I don't know what'll happen in 6 months or a year."

 

I was like, "Holy crap!" Six months?! A YEAR?! The last 9 days have felt like 9 months without her. I can't imagine feeling this way every hour of every day for several months. They'll have to put me in the nuthouse.

 

I feel your pain concerning not having eyes for any other woman. This girl is my entire world and I know that no one will EVER come near to meaning what she does to me. Everyone tries to tell me that there's always another girl somewhere that will be just as good and that time will heal the way I feel for my girl now. But I know damn well that that's a bunch of crap. I know that they are probably right in most cases, but not in this one. This girl is the most beautiful and most wonderful girl that I will ever find anywhere in this world. I know it in my heart. It's all I've thought about for the last 9 days. She's the only girl I ever fell madly in love. I knew on our first date that she was the one girl in this world that was created just for me. Love at first sight.

 

Oh, I'll definately be hurting real bad for some booty in three months, but I can't imagine finding anyone that means anything to me emotionally.

 

Damn brother. I'm sorry for you and know how you must feel. You scare me to death knowing that I may very well be in your same shoes in a few months still suffering every hour of every day. Take care and good luck getting by.

[deepimpact]

Maybe in a weird sort of way she is trying to get you to move on. Or maybe she thought you had and it was ok for her to initiate contact again...

 

I do have to ask one question though, why do you still have her on you MSN list? My opinion only, I would block her. I would also get rid of any memories you have together, pictures, what ever they may be.. that might help.

 

You are probaby right but those little things are the only things left of her. Its too hard for me to get rid of them. May be i dont want to lose her, yet i lost her already... Im usually very realistic logical person but i really screwed up this time...

[Bogun]

Meanwhile, i was trying to forget her and not to think about her but i cant say i am very successful with that. In that six months, i didnt feel like meeting new women, i was even ignoring women checking me out openly. I just dont have heart to flirt with them i dunno why.

You wanna know why? Here's why....

You are probaby right but those little things are the only things left of her. Its too hard for me to get rid of them. May be i dont want to lose her, yet i lost her already

Clean out her crap mate. It ended last year and she's with another guy. Holding onto things related to her is like carrying around dogs*** in your pockets. It just holds you back. You said you've got a decent bod now, so go use it on some lucky girl.

[dprelz]

Same thing here, man. I can't get over her and it's been almost a year. I lost 20 pounds, have a nice 6pack and look great. Girls flirt with me all day long but I.. I dunno.. I don't want them.

 

It's so easy for some people to reply and just say to move on. But its hard when you've went your whole life trying to find that girl and now she's gone. I just can't pretend it didn't happen but I have to move on. The only thing that will fix this problem is meeting a girl that makes you forget about her. But if you openly reject girls because you are still hung on this one then you can't meet her.. Now I don't know what I'm saying:sick:

 

theres no advice here that will help you. Just gotta move on man:(

[Bogun]

It's so easy for some people to reply and just say to move on. But its hard when you've went your whole life trying to find that girl and now she's gone. I just can't pretend it didn't happen but I have to move on. The only thing that will fix this problem is meeting a girl that makes you forget about her. But if you openly reject girls because you are still hung on this one then you can't meet her.. Now I don't know what I'm saying

 

theres no advice here that will help you. Just gotta move on man

 

Most of us have been through what you and the OP are going through at some point in our lives, so the advice given is usually what others have learnt the hard way.

 

There is a very important piece of advice not just in my first post but the others are saying it as well, and that is to get rid of the links to his ex. Keeping an ex on msn is the same as keeping their number in your phone, or keeping their email address. GET RID OF THEM, you dont need them anymore.

[destination_unknown]

Hi guys.

 

You know you had a special close connection with your exs. Now, you have been hurt badly by what transpired, so naturally you are defensive when you meet new girls. Maybe you resent them a little because they arent your ex?

 

Of course there wont instantly be a profound connection when you FIRST meet other girls but if you give it a chance then one will develop. Your first few dates might be a little disappointing, you may have a few false starts, but persevere and you will begin to build a connection with a girl you like. You might enjoy it alot more than you think but you have to find your way through the mental block you have. Nothing will take away what was special about your relationship with your ex, having something special with a new girl wont wipe out your fond memories, so why be afraid?

 

Hmm, the msn thing. Its a bit unfair for your ex to do that dont you think? I'm not sure what to make of it, but considering the pic is of her and her boyfriend I would not read anything into it. When somebody wants you back they will make it known. I would block her hun, if she has something to say, she can call you.

[Brittanyjean06]

It's been a year for me to, and I really feel like crap some days still, I meen I really don't think a year is a realistic time to get over someone, because in the begining you have hope, and than you have relapses and so on and so on

 

I think it takes a long long time, and in my case It will take a really long time, Having hope really is bad, but we all have it subcounsly so I guess we just have to go with the flow of things, and let time heal us.

 

to those of you who have gotten over people in your past, and it took a reallly long time..I'm sure you all KNOW that it is possible to get over someone. We need more people like that discussing their situations so we can have hope for that.

[bendit]

sorry you are still feeling bad. unfortunately you are one of these folks who can't quite go NC with the X. I see this over and over and 99 times out of 100 the result is the same. That you can't move on and you can't figure out why. Well its because you are still in contact. I know I know. You will tell me to the end of days that you HAVE been NC and it didn't work. Well here you are 1 year after breaking up and you broke no contact a number of times. It sounded like you were going pretty well with NC only you didn't block her MSN and now you are hurt again. NC man. It couldn't be simpler; yet it is resisted more than any other suggestion because its the TOUGHEST man. People will go get a six pack and lose 20lbs but they won't block her MSN. The people who are hurting now on LS after so long have all been in CONTACT. Sorry but its the plain truth.

 

regards

[In Sync]

Hi guys,

Its been more than one year since i broke up with that girl. It was a weird break-up for a 3 years old relationship. We just stopped contacting each other. She came to my house one day and collected all her stuff and in the morning i dropped her at her work and that was it.

NC for a few months and then she contacted me via msn asked me how i was. After another few months, i invited her to a dinner and she told me she was seeing somebody else and they are planing to get married and she cant see me. That was six months ago and she blocked me on her msn that day and we had NC since then.

Well, i felt very bad six months ago, my friends and you people on this forum told me that time will heal and i should do some new stuff like working out and that i did.... I lost like 30 pounds and built a lot of muscle. Btw thanks guys, i really look great now. Meanwhile, i was trying to forget her and not to think about her but i cant say i am very successful with that. In that six months, i didnt feel like meeting new women, i was even ignoring women checking me out openly. I just dont have heart to flirt with them i dunno why.

Suddenly, last friday she comes online on my msn with a display picture of her and her new boyfriend (btw i look way better way cooler than him which was a little relief ). She checked my new display picture and stayed online for hours no messages though. Im now asking myself what the hell that appearance after six months means. Im also asking myself why i cant move on... I dont feel like meeting new women because i still love her or i just miss her company or what?? Thats a dilemma i cant come up with a clear choice. Time was supposed to heal, but my last weekend was terrible because of that friday appearance and i havent even seen her for more than one year.

And why the hell she intentionally unblocked me and showed me that picture of her and her boyfriend?

 

Thank you all for your time...

 

Sorry that you are having a setback...but why on earth did you reopen a wound? You were doing well and then you (and this was your doing by not blocking her e-mail PLUS she gave you the answer you needed for closure long agao when she went off with another dude. And now you are hurting after you've been working out and was feeling better?? Sometimes I think that people do like the feeling of suffering, because just when things are going well..you are not secure with that feeling and welcome mini-dramas that keep you emotionally down. What do you care about this girl and pics of her bf...Get rid of that crap and get on with your own life!

[deepimpact]

Thank you guys for sharing your ideas and experiences with me here. It is really helping. I had my first decent sleep last night since that friday incident. I agree with Britanny here about hope... Having it is really bad. Without hope, it would be so easier to phase her out of my thoughts. We have been living together for 3 years before break-up, so its hard to get rid of everything that make me remember her. Well, all of you who are mad at me for not blocking msn so i blocked her now. It is true if she has something to say she can call. I don't need to get hurt with this kind of meaningless stuff.

I have realized something today. The last night, i knew we would never contact again. We didnt talk, we didnt eat together in the same house, it was obvious.

I didnt care that time. However, in time all her flaws have faded in my mind and i just remember everything i love about her.

Now, may be if i can try to think about her flaws, would this be helpful?

Or should i try not to think about her at all??

 

Thanks again for all your help here...

[dgiirl]

Now, may be if i can try to think about her flaws, would this be helpful?

 

Yes, for a short period, this is helpful. Read "Uncoupling" and it'll explain to you what tends to happen in relationships. One interesting thing is the dumper tends to focus on all the negative traits of the partner and then dumps them. They cant focus on anything positive because it doesnt lead to what they really want, to breakup. The dumpee tends to focus on all the positive traits because that falls in line with what they want too, to stay together. So the dumper is saying all these negative things about the dumpee, and the dumpee is saying all these positive things about the dumper. Over time, in order for the dumpee to accept the break up of the relationship, they need to find reasons to break up, thus they need to focus on all the negative things. It's like trying to convince yourself that the relationship wasnt worth it and that the breakup is a good decision. The trick is to focus on it for a short period, but also realize you ARE doing this and not to get so bitter towards people. Too many people get hurt, focus on the negative and then get so bitter that they lash out at innocent bystanders. This is why we have so many people hating the other gender and throwing out stupid stereotypes. They wallowed in their anger and sadness for too long and didnt draw any boundaries.

 

As for getting over a relationship, it does take time. But time alone is NOT going to heal you. You need to make an effort to get over them. You can think of her 24/7 for years, wishing and hoping and reminiscing about the past and planning what you want your future together to be like. If you did all that, do you think time alone is going to heal you? No! Your actions are keeping you in the past and until you let go of all that, you'll never move on. You need to make an active effort to refocus your thoughts and do things that will help you heal. Blocking her on MSN was a very good thing! Although it hurts and you were reluctant, it was in YOUR best interest to do so. Any contact with her is still creating pain for you, and you have a choice of either inflicting pain on yourself or coming up with ways to prevent that. The less you know about her, the better off you'll be. If she REALLY wanted to come back to you, dont you think she'd knock your door down to get back with you? Dont you think you deserve atleast that?

 

As for dating, dont worry about that just yet. There's no rules saying you have to date right now, and if you dont feel like it, then dont. That's just one less pressure you have to deal with for the moment. And the less stress you have, the more relaxed you become. The more relaxed you are, the more confident you seem and the more attractive you'll become anyways. You dont need to date, but DO get to know new people! Making new friends is a great way to get over a past relationship. All these new people dont know you as the bf/gf of so and so, they know you as the single you! And they like the single you! Knowing people like you for who you are, not because of the people in your life, is a great way to boost your confidence. And as time goes on, and as you do more and more things, you'll start to replace those old memories with new ones.

 

Time alone is not going to heal you. You need to be active and in charge of your healing process. That means taking charge of your thoughts, breaking all contact with ex's (deleting msn, websites, phone numbers, etc), and getting out and trying new things. Once you start doing ALL of that, then in time, you will heal! You need to make a better life for you now, than what you had. So start doing it!

[bendit]

Trying not to think about her won't work. trying to think about her won't work. The mind is going to go where it is going to go. However, be advised that if you stay in contact, your mind will stay attached. If you can manage NC and let go of her, your mind will think about her less and less by the day. So put yourself in a position to get better. Let go, and your mind will calm down and you will heal. Stay in touch, and your mind will be a place of turmoil with regards to her, your relationship with her, and potential relationships with others. Good luck.

 

regards

[scobro]

Geeez people a year??? ?

Move on with your lives.I was dumped by my wife 8 months ago and within six months I found someone new, it only lasted a few months(rebound for both of us) but I now no longer pine away thinking about getting my ex-wife back.In fact we are friends I can actually hang out and talk with her about guys she dates and vice versa but it's only because I moved on and found another relationship.It made me see how bad my marriage was and how other people are what you guys need to see the same.Trust me I was in agony and would have given my left ball to get my wife back but as soon as I was with someone else I forgot about wanting her back in two seconds.

[Just Visiting]

Yes, for a short period, this is helpful. Read "Uncoupling" and it'll explain to you what tends to happen in relationships. One interesting thing is the dumper tends to focus on all the negative traits of the partner and then dumps them. They cant focus on anything positive because it doesnt lead to what they really want, to breakup. The dumpee tends to focus on all the positive traits because that falls in line with what they want too, to stay together. So the dumper is saying all these negative things about the dumpee, and the dumpee is saying all these positive things about the dumper. Over time, in order for the dumpee to accept the break up of the relationship, they need to find reasons to break up, thus they need to focus on all the negative things. It's like trying to convince yourself that the relationship wasnt worth it and that the breakup is a good decision. The trick is to focus on it for a short period, but also realize you ARE doing this and not to get so bitter towards people. Too many people get hurt, focus on the negative and then get so bitter that they lash out at innocent bystanders. This is why we have so many people hating the other gender and throwing out stupid stereotypes. They wallowed in their anger and sadness for too long and didnt draw any boundaries.

 

As for getting over a relationship, it does take time. But time alone is NOT going to heal you. You need to make an effort to get over them. You can think of her 24/7 for years, wishing and hoping and reminiscing about the past and planning what you want your future together to be like. If you did all that, do you think time alone is going to heal you? No! Your actions are keeping you in the past and until you let go of all that, you'll never move on. You need to make an active effort to refocus your thoughts and do things that will help you heal. Blocking her on MSN was a very good thing! Although it hurts and you were reluctant, it was in YOUR best interest to do so. Any contact with her is still creating pain for you, and you have a choice of either inflicting pain on yourself or coming up with ways to prevent that. The less you know about her, the better off you'll be. If she REALLY wanted to come back to you, dont you think she'd knock your door down to get back with you? Dont you think you deserve atleast that?

 

As for dating, dont worry about that just yet. There's no rules saying you have to date right now, and if you dont feel like it, then dont. That's just one less pressure you have to deal with for the moment. And the less stress you have, the more relaxed you become. The more relaxed you are, the more confident you seem and the more attractive you'll become anyways. You dont need to date, but DO get to know new people! Making new friends is a great way to get over a past relationship. All these new people dont know you as the bf/gf of so and so, they know you as the single you! And they like the single you! Knowing people like you for who you are, not because of the people in your life, is a great way to boost your confidence. And as time goes on, and as you do more and more things, you'll start to replace those old memories with new ones.

 

Time alone is not going to heal you. You need to be active and in charge of your healing process. That means taking charge of your thoughts, breaking all contact with ex's (deleting msn, websites, phone numbers, etc), and getting out and trying new things. Once you start doing ALL of that, then in time, you will heal! You need to make a better life for you now, than what you had. So start doing it!

 

That's very wise advice!

[sick of it]

Now, you have been hurt badly by what transpired, so naturally you are defensive when you meet new girls. Maybe you resent them a little because they arent your ex?

 

 

yup. thats exactly it...well...thats part of it "its not her" how do we get over that.

[chocolate_boy]

yup. thats exactly it...well...thats part of it "its not her" how do we get over that.

 

Time, and baby-steps.