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I'm stuck in a psychotic cyclone


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Wow. Not sure where to post this. For anyone that's been following my story, this will be fun.

 

So, I go to the deli where my ex works. Go with a good friend of mine. Order what I want, as does my friend. She refuses to acknowledge me, even when she says hi to my friend. Then, when I'm about to walk away, she says she wants to tell me something.

 

I decide not to talk to her as there's nothing left to say. I'm over her (as promises in previous posts). Psycho grabs me as I'm walking out and asks me to come talk with her in a back room. I go. Psycho starts balling me out. For the first time I can remember, I give it back to her in spades. I'll spare the ugly details, but suffice it to say, she knew I wasn't happy. Told her if she didn't want me, there were plenty of women who did. Suddenly wants to show me her pictures??? I look, say they're nice, and walk out.

 

Went to the gym later, she was there. Stared at me constantly. I did not acknowledge her. Walking out, she passes by me. I lift my hand in a half-hearted effort to defer the uncomfortable moment. She waves back. I look away.

 

Remember that this is the same woman who screamed at me that there was no way anything would ever work between us. I'm not saying that she's begging for me back, but this is a heck of a change in attitude.

 

Don't want to give false hope to those who were in more stable relationships, but all this has happened since I went NC for 1 month. When I finally gave up, suddenly I have much more power than I did before. Feels really great.

 

Best,

 

GB

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destination_unknown

Hi GB, I'be been reading all your threads and this WHOLE thing must have been a total rollarcoaster ride for you. You must be exhausted!

 

From the sounds of it, your ex has serious emotional problems. A rhetorical question for you is: do you know where these problems come from?

 

It just seems like she isnt pulling all the 180's because she intentionally wants to screw with you, it sounds like she doesnt have control over her own actions. I think she is in as much turmoil, even if it is self-inflicted, as you. I dont mean that makes it excusable, she obviously isnt in a place where she can have a relationship until she fixes her issues. (I think thats gotta be done outside a relationship for her)

 

I just think if you see her weakness and confusion it might make it easier to keep strong yourself.

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Thanks Destination.

 

You're absolutely right. She really screwed me up for a long time, but at least I finally came to some finality in my own mind. She must have some serious skeletons in her closet. Ironically, other than mild jealousy, I really never saw any warning signs from her when we were dating. To be honest, I think she's now been out dating a bit and is beginning to realize that there are many more mismatches than there are matches. I think she just wants to continue to string me along, but fortunately, I'm past that point now.

 

GB

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You don't sound stuck in the cyclone anymore. It sounds to me like you're doing just fine. I hope that she gets the hint and leaves you alone instead of things getting worse.

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rather than letting go, you are engaging her MORE. of course if feels good to break NC because NC is a pain in the but. it hurts to WITHDRAW. Naturally giving in feels good. the good feelings you feel is the feeling of getting your "fix" of her. there is this undercurrent going on where not much is being said, but MUCH is being communicated. you still have a lot of mental construction tied up in this relationship my guess you are very angry with her. You could avoid her but you don't want to. I don't think you are over her at all. I think there is plenty of raw emotion still to be worked out. I would be surprised if you don't get more engaged in drama and pain from this point. Perhaps another go round. keep us posted.

 

regards

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Thanks All. I appreciate your thoughts. I must admit that I still like her in some way, however, I have not intention of taking her back. Actually, I'm enjoying being unavailable to her. I'm enjoying sending her a message. In the past week, she has gone from having ALL the power to probably 50%. It feels great. Had a date on Tuesday and it went well. Going out with her again this weekend and have another date this evening. Ya, I may not be entirely "over" her, but I realize there is simply no future with her, so I have no intention of getting emotionally tied up in her again. Think I've gotten tough enough that I put up a pretty good front even if I do still have some interest, and any interest that does exist is fading FAST.

 

Best,

 

GB

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Carlthecoffeeaddict

GB

 

this wknd i am giving you an assignment

 

1) take a long hot shower

 

2) get your best attire on, look your best

 

3) call your boys

 

4) get together

 

5) do an all night bashing of exes, and share with your friends and laugh your ass off!

 

6) flirt with the girls sitting at the table on the opposite end

 

7) then on the wknd, go hit some golf balls at the drivng range, picture your psychotic ex on each ball and whack the s*** out of the ball lol

 

8) repeate 1-6 on sat night and 7 on sunday/optional =)

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wow I just read the backstory. this gonna be FUN!!

So you go to her place of work and thus prove

your "unavailability" to her? ;)

you are "sending her a message" by going to

her place of employment thus proving you can't be

NC with her? ;) Is this the message?

You had "nothing left to say" to her and then proceed to rip her a new one? ;) I thought you had nothing to say to her?

 

She has ALL the power. You NEED her.

She uses you. That doesn't sound 50/50 to me.

You are wrapped around her little pinky.

 

The first thing you have to do is start working on your

denial. The denial that you are not still hopelessly addicted

to a tragically flawed person. Why? Start thinking about why you are so attracted to a person who could never ever in a million years be a loving partner to you. Again. WHY?

 

I will make a prediction. Being in contact with her, ANY contact, is going to keep you in a living HELL.What is the longest you have gone before you broke NC? How many days? This will tell you a lot.

 

Please keep us posted so that all the good love shackers can learn from your continuing saga.

 

regards

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2020vision

I think in order for you to really get over her...you need to find another deli to eat at and another gym or a different time to go to the gym. Seeing her is giving her the sick attention she craves.

 

-2020

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I personally cant stand seeing my Ex. AT ALL. My Co-worker things this is weird, but ya know what, Less I have to deal with her the better. It just upsets me when I have to deal with her at work, and it just seems like ive been doing that a lot lately. I dont think anyone is playing games on purpose, just bad luck.

 

I would incourage you to stay away from this girl. Wouldnt life me much nicer without the thought of what she did in your mind? Thats my goal. If I could wave a magic wand and make her dissappear for good.. I would.

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Wow. I'm so glad that bendit knows me better than I know myself. I didn't realize that I "needed" her. Thanks for filling me in.

 

I refuse to change my life for her. Believe me, I've been through a number of breakups and I'm just fine with this. Had a date tonight and a date tomorrow with another girl, but you're right, I do need her. I'm doing just fine, thank you very much. For all of you NC fans, seeing her was the best thing I could have possibly done. Hadn't seen her for a month, and NC was beginning to make me build her into something she wasn't. Seeing her reminded me that I am quite fine by myself, thank you very much.

 

While I appreciate your lack of faith, believe it or not, some of us are not so tormented by a broken relationship that life actually goes on! I'm actually quite happy that I broke NC. Don't know why it worked, but for what it's worth, which isn't much, I'm actually feeling like I AM in control. Whether I am or not is of no consequence since I don't want her back. What may not be the right thing if I wanted to play games worked great for me! She's the one telling me she'd like to date someone like me again. My reply to her was "well, make sure to treat him better than you did me". Ya, I need her.

 

If the purpose of healing is to feel better about yourself and your position, than this has worked great for me! I'm feeling more confident, more in control, and stronger than I have in months. This was the most productive week in all regards that I've had in months. I'm back to my old self.

 

Oh, and bendit, it only took one month of NC. I know it's hard to believe, but I'm NOT in a "living hell". I feel great. And as for denial, sure, I'd love to have sex with her again; she's got a great body and is really good in the sack. That's about the extent of it. Actually, I'm pretty damn fond of the girl I'm going out with tomorrow night. She asked me out which was quite an ego boost. Would definitely take the new woman over the old. Yup, I'm fine, thank you very much.

 

In any case, thanks for your support. Sure am glad I have more positive people than you around me daily. Talk about a "living hell", anyone as negative as you must really need a good therapist to deal with their life. It must be tough to always look at the negative side of things.

 

XXXOOO,

 

GB

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gb, so sorry that I didn 't say what you "wanted" to hear. I call em as I see em. I am happy for you that you have gone from being an out of control mess to being a fully evolved integrated male who has his schit together in a matter of days. Best of luck to you. But keep us posted on your progress anyway ok?

 

regards

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Oh, thanks bendit. If that's the way you see it, I really appreciate your attempt to tear me down. Last I checked, LS was intended to lend support. While your petty judgement doesn't do more than annoy me, there are likely others on LS that might not need to be ripped apart at this point in their lives.

 

If your self-esteem is so low that you feel the need to bring others down to your level, perhaps this is the wrong forum for you. You will note that while others likely share your doubts, they chose to offer their thoughts in a constructive way. I can certainly respect that, and some even made me think. Your comments are not only not constructive, but clearly intended to tear down whatever progess I might have made. I am happy to report that you have failed.

 

BTW, I am a very well adjusted male. I hurt like anyone else when someone is no longer a part of my life, but I find a way to deal. This particular strategy worked for me. The same strategy that most psychiatrists would recommend. Look your fear in the eye and move past it. Others may or may not agree, but it worked for me.

 

Please, if you're going to be sarcastic, make it witty sarcasm. Nobody likes childish drivel.

 

Love and Kisses,

 

GB

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gb, I am sorry. I guess I just took the title of your thread "I am stuck in a Psychotic Cyclone" at face value. It was actually just a sick joke on all us Love Shackers, as obviously everything with you is Hunky Dory.

 

As for my post; yes it was direct. But its exactly what I felt needed to be said. You have to remember that you are posting on a public internet forum ASKING for input. You are going to get a variety of responses IF YOU ARE LUCKY, so that you will be able to pick and choose the ones that are of value to you. You should be thankful that you got a VARIETY of responses, rather than just the ones you would have preferred, telling you all seems just peachy in your world. The more input the better right? And what do you do in response? You shoot the messenger and go on like an ATTACK DOG at someone who was only trying to offer advice as he saw fit.

 

Obviously your emotions are still very raw. You are still very much in denial about what you have been through and what is still in store. You are still in an emotional CYCLONE. You have very thin skin and are ultra sensitive and ultra defensive. You appear to me to have your own sense of low self-worth, as evidenced by how often you remind us that you are IVY educated, own your own home, and make over six figures...and well, SHE DOESN"T. Guess what? That matters not one bit on this FORUM where we are all just trying to recover from our very HUMAN hurts. Its not a place to compare the size of our wallets.

 

Be that as it may, I have this strange feeling that your story is not over. IN fact it may just be getting good. I only hope that you have the courage and integrity to post YOUR REALITY and not the image you want to project, that of a strong, in control man that has his personal life together, just days after going through a truly horrific decoupling, including a breaking of NC (originally dishonestly portrayed as ACCIDENTAL) when your own stated goal was to get through June at least.

 

For the sake of the integrity of the forum, I hope you have the courage to come back and keep us honestly informed of your progress. I sincerely hope you are through this but experience and insight into human nature leads me to believe otherwise.

 

At this stage you have told all copers that breaking NC, after not being able to maintain NC for more than a few days at a time, has been a fantastic wonderful experience. That runs counter to the vast vast majority of experiences had by copers I have encountered, including right here on LS.

 

Its common knowledge that all who break NC feel great just after caving in (because of the high), but after a few days, the reality of the situation begins to bite and the pain rears its ugly head again. Unfortunately we who read the forum don't often see the portrait of the downside of breaking NC due to shame, pain, and embarrassment attendant.

 

I hope you do keep us honestly updated, but, now having witnessed your pained overreaction, I have my doubts. I think appearances may be more important to you than the truth.

 

regards

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BTW, I am a very well adjusted male.

 

Love and Kisses,

 

GB

 

 

Excuse me, but what exactly doe that entail?

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I go to a chiropractor twice a month, and the love and kisses are a show of affection.

 

Ah I see. So the 'well adjusted male' that you are, who goes to a chiropracter twice a month got bent out of shape because of bendit's comments regarding NC earlier, hmmm... that doesn't seem to reflect flexibilty.

 

kisses back.

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I don't recall saying I was flexible???

 

Ya, I get a little bent out of shape when someone goes out of their way to insult anyone on LS. Don't really see the need or the purpose.

 

If bendit, or you for that matter, feel so strongly, perhaps you should start another thread about the value of insulting people on LS. I'd love to comment.

 

Oh, and I don't really go to a chiropractor. Sorry the joke was above your head.

 

Don't worry, I really don't get too upset about what people say. I like to hear others opinions, but take it all with a grain of salt. Thanks for your feedback and insightful humor. Hard to believe ANYONE would dump you or bendit.

 

GB

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I don't recall saying I was flexible???

 

Ya, I get a little bent out of shape when someone goes out of their way to insult anyone on LS. Don't really see the need or the purpose.

 

If bendit, or you for that matter, feel so strongly, perhaps you should start another thread about the value of insulting people on LS. I'd love to comment.

 

Oh, and I don't really go to a chiropractor. Sorry the joke was above your head.

 

Don't worry, I really don't get too upset about what people say. I like to hear others opinions, but take it all with a grain of salt. Thanks for your feedback and insightful humor. Hard to believe ANYONE would dump you or bendit.

 

GB

 

Are you so angry that you need to vent defensive diatribe? If anyone is dishing out insults take a look at your reply.

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Yes, I am that angry. I'm breaking things in my house right now. Kicked the dog about an hour ago. Don't worry, I still care you for a great deal.

 

Talk to you soon.

 

Love,

 

GB

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Yes, I am that angry. I'm breaking things in my house right now. Kicked the dog about an hour ago.

Talk to you soon.

 

Love,

 

GB

 

lol I had to laugh at that..anyway why are you so sarcastic?

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Well, thanks Apathetic. Sorry to make a joke out of the boards, but while I did feel that bendit's comments were hardly in line with the purpose of the boards, I, of course, take this all very much in stride. Just trying to lighten things up a bit.

 

Best,

 

GB

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Well it is sometimes difficult to tell if someone is making a joke or just being completely sarcastic,especially if they dont add 'lol" or "j/k";)

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Honestly, I think Bendit does belong to the group of bashers that takes it a little personally when someone gloats over having a moment of power. Perhaps your post does reflect anger and a little negativity but crap, whose here doesn't?

 

The fact is, most of us have wanted revenge at some point, particularly when the ex was crappy to us. I'm not saying that it looks pretty when we feel and show our pettiness but they're just feelings. My mistake if the forum is for support. I guess I try to limit my bashing to those that are actively hurting other people and clearly don't care.

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