Saw Her Today

[GB111]

Well, ran in to my ex at lunch today. She was absolutely unwilling to acknowledge me. I know why. She called a week ago and wanted to know something that could potentially impact her (won't go in to detail). I did not call her back, nor do I have any intention. Time for me to take care of myself. Anyhow, after everything she's done to me, she has the nerve to be mad at ME for not calling her back! She hasn't called or come by one time she said she was going to. Now that I'm finally taking care of myself, she's angry at me for not calling her back one time. What a *****.

 

Anyhow, the good news is I didn't cave one bit. She didn't want to acknowledge me, I didn't acknowledge her. This is a big change from previous encounters when I would always ask for forgiveness. She will never ask for forgiveness, so we're stuck hating each other. Oh well, I'm beyond caring. She can reach out to me next time. I'm done with it.

 

I hope she's happy with her new boy toy. She screwed up big time in losing me. :-)

 

GB

[Diver012]

Sometimes, theres a fine line between anger, and guilt. My Ex is doing the same thing. She dumped me, shes talking s*** about me now, blah blah blah, Makes no contact a whole LOT easier.

 

I am trying very very hard to put being treated this way into the proper perspective.... I dont need someone so shallow. Ive been broken up with before, and ive broken it off with women before... I do know its not easy being on the other side of things. A lot of guilt comes with it...

[KittenMoon]

Well, ran in to my ex at lunch today. She was absolutely unwilling to acknowledge me. I know why. She called a week ago and wanted to know something that could potentially impact her (won't go in to detail). I did not call her back, nor do I have any intention. Time for me to take care of myself. Anyhow, after everything she's done to me, she has the nerve to be mad at ME for not calling her back! She hasn't called or come by one time she said she was going to. Now that I'm finally taking care of myself, she's angry at me for not calling her back one time. What a *****.

 

Anyhow, the good news is I didn't cave one bit. She didn't want to acknowledge me, I didn't acknowledge her. This is a big change from previous encounters when I would always ask for forgiveness. She will never ask for forgiveness, so we're stuck hating each other. Oh well, I'm beyond caring. She can reach out to me next time. I'm done with it.

 

I hope she's happy with her new boy toy. She screwed up big time in losing me. :-)

 

GB

 

GB-

 

From your story, I'm surprised you are not carrying around a cross and a bottle of holy water for when you run into your ex.

[GB111]

You're great, Kitten. Your post brought a smile to my face! BTW, I know you're right. Why is it I still care about this person? Says something about MY self-esteem, I guess.

 

Oh well, still don't understand how someone you were with for nearly a year can turn in to such a nasty person, but I know whatever that line is, I'm WAY past it. I'm moving on, and frankly, running in to her while still in NC was actually quite therapeutic. Hopefully, I won't have a slip now that I've seen her. I hope her nastiness is really just a manifestation of her guilt or curiosity. I'm sure after everything I put up with she expects me to come talk to her again, but I can't. Can't say I've moved on yet, but I also cannot care about what this person thinks of me any longer. Would actually like to be civil with her b/c I will see her occassionally, but if we can't, we can't. The ball is in her court. I've done more than any person should reasonably be expected to do at this point.

 

Thanks again for your helpful posts. Will be interesting to see if this prompts any type of contact from her. I'm sure she'll be surprised that I'm not crying at her feet. Maybe she's beginning to get the message.

 

Best,

 

GB

[Diver012]

Maybe this is just wacked, and Im thinking about my own situation as well as yours, but maybe the attitude you are seeing is a result of no contact. You have taken some of her control of the situation away from her. By not resonding, or in my case, completely ingoring her when we are working close by, you are taking complete control. She no longer knows just what your thinking. She calls, you dont call back. She expects me to be polite and curtious, I am silent and indifferent.

[GB111]

Could be. Who knows. I hope she does wonder. She was legendarily cruel to me during the breakup which dragged me down to a new low in my self-esteem. I'm almost beyond caring whether she wonders or not. I do know that being nasty certainly means there must be SOME emotion there, even if it's negative. In my experience, when you are really "over" someone, there's no need to be nasty b/c you just don't care any longer. I don't mean to sound like I'm hanging on to hope. I know she's with another guy, and she's told me she does not love me any longer and that we will never be anything more than friends. I'm past that. She was no good for me anyway. I'm actually to the point where I wouldn't mind being civil, which is pretty remarkable considering what she did to me. She clearly hasn't made it that far.

 

I'd like to think I have a little power, but I don't think I do. From my perspective, there is nothing left to hope for, nothing left to hold on to, no possibility of anything in the future. That being the case, I really don't give a crap what she does or thinks. I'm going to go about my daily routine, which unfortunately brings me in to contact with her. So be it.

 

I just find it shocking that she can behave this way to me. She makes $9/hr. as a deli clerk, has an illegitimate kid, a mortgage she can't afford, and a chip on her shoulder the size of NYC. I'm a professional making well in to the six figures, have a beautiful house, no children, etc., etc. WHY DO I GIVE A DAMN WHAT SHE THINKS??? WHY DO I CARE IF I HAVE ANY POWER??? I CAN'T STAND CARING ABOUT HER. WOULD I REALLY WANT TO SUPPORT HER FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE ANYWAY??? AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Sorry, my anger surfaced again! Ha! :-)

 

Best,

 

GB

[Carlthecoffeeaddict]

just be grateful you didnt marry her and you let her take control of your finances. she would have married you and probally divorced you and put you into bankrupcy.

 

-she works in a deli. has a kid. she isn't going very far dude. Her good looks will eventually fade.

 

- you are successful, 6 figure earner, and she isn't on your level.

 

-how did you "run" into her? did you actually go to the Deli where she works? and why would you do that?

 

-as for you not calling her back, thats the way to do it, and don't give her what she wants. Give her a dose of her own treatment. Be a jerk, it works.

[GB111]

Thanks Carl. You're right, I know.

 

Truth be told, I went to the deli. I was so tired of NC. It was actually good for me to see her (I think). I was impressed with my own fortitude. I really did, for the first time since the break-up, feel superior. I'm really not that kind of person. I don't care if she cleans toilets for a living, I treat everyone the same. Having said that, I expect to be treated well in return. That certainly has not been the case and I allowed it to get me VERY low on myself.

 

I frequent that deli. I frequent the gym she goes to. I have no intention of modifying my life to accommodate her any longer. It's been 3 months of cruelty, and I'm coming out of it strong. Don't care about sending her a message, etc. I just want to get on with my life. She's going to have a miserable one. I wish her the best.

 

GB

[GW7147]

Sounds like you've adopted a healthy attitude GB. My gf broke up with me about 5 weeks ago. At first she said, "I hope if we see each other out, we can talk and have a drink together". I wasn't totally thrilled about the idea of being casual friends. Shortly after we broke up, we exchanged about 3 emails regarding personal effects. At that point, she seemed to get a bit cold in her responses. When her children were giving her problems I sent a response telling her to remain strong and they will pull through everything (my ex is finishing up a divorce). I told her if she needed a friend she could call. She mailed me some paerwork and with it she sent my business card that I gave her when we met. I thought that was childish and unecessary. I felt like she was really trying to snub me when she was the one that walked away. I don't get it. It still bothers me (it's only been 5 weeks) and I've not contacted her since (have no intentions contacting her either). I hope I can get to where you are sometime in the future. Good for you though!!! Great Job!!