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I'm having a tough day...


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I hope you'll forgive me for moping online, but I'm having a tough day after doing so well for so long.

 

It's been about 1 month of NC, though we did speak once about business (no relationship chat). She called me once because she wanted something about a week ago, but other than that, nothing. We've actually been broken up since just after Valentine's Day, but only one month since the coming back/not coming back games stopped.

 

I find myself so depressed on the weekends. I remember the things we used to do, and I know that now she's doing them with someone else. Particularly this long weekend, my mind is racing with what she's doing. Unfortunately, I really pushed her away with my pursuit, though she certainly egged it on. I like to think that at some point she'll come knocking on my door crying (unlike the past insincere time she did that) and I can tell her what she has done to me rather than take her back like I did before.

 

Now I'm sitting here alone, writing on the computer, and feeling sorry for myself (I guess). I don't know why in the world I would want this woman back. She was mean, manipulative, lied, and toyed with me. Nonetheless, for some reason, I still love her. She's made it clear there is no future for us, and actually, that's probably best, though I really miss her companionship. I just can't wait for these depressed moments to pass. I'm so tired of feeling like this. I suffer from "trust". I really let her step all over me because I believed her and thought she was adult enough not to manipulate me. I couldn't have been more wrong.

 

I'm actually trying not to date anyone right now, as I think I really need to get in a better state of mind. Meanwhile, she's been with 2 guys in the last 3 months which makes it so much harder. Oh well, don't know how someone can do that, but in my mind, it must be a pretty shallow person with low self-esteem.

 

Well, I just wanted to vent and let all the others out in the world that they're not alone tonight. Thanks everyone for your continued support.

 

Best,

 

GB

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Walking away

Funny.

 

I was feeling melancholy all day today also.

 

Must be in the water.... :)

 

Hugs

WA

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May I suggest something...too often including myself we spent time dwelling and venting about the ex's and feeling down. Perhaps in between these moments we can interject it with brief periods of positive reinforcement.

Afterall we can go back to the moping..I'd like to suggest you actually get a pad and paper. Don't type it on the computer but with pen and paper and commit yourself for one hour and write about everything from the smallest to the biggest things in your life today that you are grateful for. It doesn't necessarily have to be major events.

Today I bought myself a foottub spa and in 5 minutes I'm going to plop my DVD in my computer while soaking my feet! That is my brite moment. It's small but it makes me giggle. :)

 

You can't change the past but you can fight for your periods of happiness.

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Your situation sounds almost EXACTLY like mine. As far as im concerned I want NC with this woman. I too feel lied to and manipulated. BEtrayed. I also know shes running around with another man. I have no desire to contact her. I want her as far away from me as possible. I hate people that wreck somoene elses happiness for their own kicks, intentionally or not. I wish I didn't have to work with this freak. :( That makes it harder

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I got torn in two by a woman who acted like she was totally into the relationship then does a 360 and says it's too much too soon (yeah right!)Now this all happened a month ago and it still hurts in th pit of my stomach as I type this..........god she was hot though:rolleyes: and I miss sex maybe that's what I miss the most:eek:

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At least you know tht you don't want her back.

Take one day at a time and remember tht in life you must have something tht you are grateful for...family, friends etc.

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I got torn in two by a woman who acted like she was totally into the relationship then does a 360 and says it's too much too soon (yeah right!)Now this all happened a month ago and it still hurts in th pit of my stomach as I type this..........god she was hot though:rolleyes: and I miss sex maybe that's what I miss the most:eek:

 

 

This post struck a chord. sometimes I think we actually find ourselves missing the sex AND really not the person. I'm not trying to be a prude but maybe this is where some of our problems lay, we get caught up with people who generally don't deserve our love and we tolerate their crap because of the sex. When I think about my ex, had sex not been the pull his character was so awful I would not have stuck around and wouldn't have stayed longer in the mess with him than I had.

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Hi Everybody,

I've been feeling kinda of down as well. My gf and I broke up just over a month ago. She's going through a divorce and did a 180 on me. I was devastated. We had 2-3 emails with the last being 3 weeks ago (about personal effects) and that was it. I'm pretty strong willed and after being on LS decided NC was the best thing to do. At first everyday was a struggle. Now it seems I can make it throught the weekdays O.K. but as GB said, the weekends are extremely tough. I've been trying to keep busy excercising, playing golf etc.. but it just isn't filling the void. I thought things would get easier as time went on but, it seems that's it's becoming more difficult to endure the NC. I've gone so far as to not frequent a bar/restaurant where a friend of ours works. I ran into somebody from the restaurant on Friday night and they asked where I've been, they've missed me. I said I wasn't going in there anymore. They seemed a bit upset that I was not going in anymore. Things have been tough...Life seems pretty miserable right about now but, I'm going to try and remain strong. Hang in there everybody.

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Crazy day. I am having the same problems. I know that my ex is with her new bf (that she left me for) and I am sitting around remembering how great it was to be with her.

 

All I can say is this: Stop making anything in your life about your ex. Make it about you. Avoid dwelling on the "what she/he did to me..." and start concentrating on making new memories that don't involve the ex. As you create new memories that don't involve the ex you will think about them less and less.

 

Good luck everyone

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Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. It really does make a difference.

 

As for the NC, I'm giving myself another month (June) than I'm not going to avoid her any longer. She goes to the same gym, and works at a place I (used to) frequent. It may still be tough after a month, but I sincerely believe she's the one who's missing out.

 

Ya, I miss the sex. It was great, but actually, I find myself really missing her company. Oh well, I've been through this before, and I'll get through it again. I wish I could just take a pill and have it all be in the past (reminds me of Unbearable Lightness of the Spotless Mind), but of course that's ridiculous.

 

You know, I'm really a very nice guy. Never cheated, never abused, no drugs, successful career, nice home, etc., etc., yet I just can't seem to meet the right woman to fall in love with. I am so blessed in every other regard that I'm angry with myself for getting so upset about something like this. Nonetheless, it is difficult when you really open up yourself to someone. I don't WANT to be more guarded with my heart, so I guess this is the price I must pay.

 

Wishing you all (in the United States) a great Memorial Day. Remember those who fell so we could have our petty problems...

 

Regards,

 

GB

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GB..

 

I feel very similar to you. Sucessful career, new home, new car.. These things really dont mean squat to me though in the grand scheme of it all. Careers change. House get sold, cars break down, and so do relationships. The only part of your post that I dont agree with is you dont Want to guard your heart. As far as im concerned, mine is under lock and key. If I were to meet someone, believe me, that wouldnt change. Ill be damned if Im gonna hand my heart over to some perfect stranger. Im mad at myself for letting my ex slide into mine... stupid valentines day letter she wrote..

 

Anyways... Theres nothing wrong with being protective of your heart...

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GB..

 

I feel very similar to you. Sucessful career, new home, new car.. These things really dont mean squat to me though in the grand scheme of it all. Careers change. House get sold, cars break down, and so do relationships. The only part of your post that I dont agree with is you dont Want to guard your heart. As far as im concerned, mine is under lock and key. If I were to meet someone, believe me, that wouldnt change. Ill be damned if Im gonna hand my heart over to some perfect stranger. Im mad at myself for letting my ex slide into mine... stupid valentines day letter she wrote..

 

Anyways... Theres nothing wrong with being protective of your heart...

 

Nope..nothing wrong with being "protective" of your heart. But when you completely close it off, then you only cut your own nose off to spite your face.

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Nope..nothing wrong with being "protective" of your heart. But when you completely close it off, then you only cut your own nose off to spite your face.

 

Agreed...... :)

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Hey GB111,

You've been doing a great job with NC. I like reading your posts as well. I had talked to my college professor about relationships when mine fell apart. I brokedown yesterday but emailed him for advice and called my best friend up last night -him and I went through breakups the exact same time. I was "better off" first, but have had momentarily relapses. He was worse off in the beginning. His advice for me was to let go (how we wish it was so easy!) and accept that pretty women will always see the world as being optimistic and available to them. Guess what, sooner or later they'll get burned and they'll realize what a great guy and years of happiness they threw away.

 

There is someone else out there at the same time looking for a great guy but can't find him.

 

I wish I could remember what movie this is from, (no racism meant LS members!!) "Smile, you're white." :D The point is, you sound like you're in a great point in your life and that woman (new one or old ex) is about ready to come back in. Just give it 2 more months. Push yourself the extra month. Take Care!

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It's funny but I had a really tough day yesterday too. His mom called me and I thought that would help me get some closure but it only made things worse. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that feels so heartbroken and alone. I've been trying really hard to keep busy but find I'm having the same problem as you GB. No matter what I do, something reminds me of him. I can only hope it gets easier from here.

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I hope you'll forgive me for moping online, but I'm having a tough day after doing so well for so long.

 

It's been about 1 month of NC, though we did speak once about business (no relationship chat). She called me once because she wanted something about a week ago, but other than that, nothing. We've actually been broken up since just after Valentine's Day, but only one month since the coming back/not coming back games stopped.

 

I find myself so depressed on the weekends. I remember the things we used to do, and I know that now she's doing them with someone else. Particularly this long weekend, my mind is racing with what she's doing. Unfortunately, I really pushed her away with my pursuit, though she certainly egged it on. I like to think that at some point she'll come knocking on my door crying (unlike the past insincere time she did that) and I can tell her what she has done to me rather than take her back like I did before.

 

Now I'm sitting here alone, writing on the computer, and feeling sorry for myself (I guess). I don't know why in the world I would want this woman back. She was mean, manipulative, lied, and toyed with me. Nonetheless, for some reason, I still love her. She's made it clear there is no future for us, and actually, that's probably best, though I really miss her companionship. I just can't wait for these depressed moments to pass. I'm so tired of feeling like this. I suffer from "trust". I really let her step all over me because I believed her and thought she was adult enough not to manipulate me. I couldn't have been more wrong.

 

I'm actually trying not to date anyone right now, as I think I really need to get in a better state of mind. Meanwhile, she's been with 2 guys in the last 3 months which makes it so much harder. Oh well, don't know how someone can do that, but in my mind, it must be a pretty shallow person with low self-esteem.

 

Well, I just wanted to vent and let all the others out in the world that they're not alone tonight. Thanks everyone for your continued support.

 

Best,

 

GB

 

These lapses happen to us all the time, bro. And they won't ever completely stop unless we meet the right person to help break us out of the rut. The only thing that diminishes is the frequency of these lapses.

 

And believe me when I tell you - I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT BEING DEPRESSED ON THE WEEKENDS. It's like you don't know what the f-ck to do with yourself. It feels like such a hollow and empty void and yeah man - it's godd-mn depressing.

 

I still suffer lapses. But mine are more leaning towards anger and some sort of passive-aggressive drive for vengeance to make her realize what she did was dumb and at the same time screams- "HEY LOOK AT WHAT YOU F-CKED UP. YOU COULDA HAD THIS, BUT YOU CHOSE TO GAMBLE. F-CK YOU!"

 

As for breaking NC after a month - well - if you feel up to it and think you can handle the inertia of emotion that you'll inevitably feel, more power to ya. Personally, I'd advise against it.

 

In closing, the fact that she's gone through all these guys since the break...well two things:

 

#1) It's generally easier for women to pick up guys...the more attractive, the harder to magnetic pull.

 

#2) She's a total ho. Sorry, I know you had strong feelings for her, but c'mon dude...any self-respecting scumbag wouldn't be with 3 people right after a break-up. What a friggin' slut. You're better off not being with her.

 

You'll find a woman with some substance. Stick to your guns. Don't take anymore sh-t from her. She's dead to you. F-ck her.

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