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Sometimes I feel like just giving up


mr.gerbick

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mr.gerbick

Sometimes this all gets so hard. Tonight is one of those nights. My ex is willing to give me a second chance, but she wants to take it slow. I am really trying to take it slow for the sake of I do want to reconcile with her, but nights like these where I know she is out a bar and I have nothing to do, but go crazy...these nights are the worse. I don't know why, I don't know why I can't take control of myself. She knows I feel like crap more then half the time, and she says things like don't feel bad, I am here for you, but you need to start loving yourself. Which I agree, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. I don't know why.

 

I tried to see a counselor at school, but there was one point where we had a session and told him, waiting a week until the next session seems too long, and asked him to call that thursday. He said no problem. Thursday came and went, no call. So that monday when it came time for my next session, I just didn't go, then another monday passed and didn't go again, he never called or anything. I went through the school because it is free, now I see why. I cannot afford a therapist, I lost my job and looking for a new one, but it is even hard to focus on that, because my ex is always on my mind.

 

I can barely eat, and ever since I found out she slept with someone 6 weeks ago I have been sleeping in like one hour spurts. My days and nights consist of thinking about her, since I have no job, so I am home all day. I really have no distractions from all of this, because I have no money, so I can't go out and do stuff. I really have no motivation for anything. I sent my resume to a few places, but its not like I have been out "hunting" for work, most of the time I am not motivated to.

 

Sometimes I feel like I don't even want her back. Just because of the fact that I let her control and consume my life with this thing she has done. I do love her and do want to work things out, but it is hard to deal with all of this at one time. Sometimes I just feel like ending it all and giving up on life. I have disgusted myself with the way I have been acting and letting it control me. Logically I am fed up, but emotionally I feel like I can't control it. I have never had emotions like this before, never! I have been in two other long term relationships and they both cheated and I just let it roll right off of me....I guess third time is a charm, and she didn't even cheat.

 

She keeps telling me I am crazy over and over again, she said I need to work on myself before I can work on us, that is why she wants to take it slow. Hearing that I am crazy over and over again isn't a real ego booster either. I want to be better, I really do...but this feels like it will never end. Like I said, sometimes I feel like it will only end if I make it all end.

 

Why do some allow other people to control and consume our lives, and others have no problem with moving on like they are perfectly fine?

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lovelorcet

You are depressed and it sucks, I know how it feels but you are the only one who can do anything to change your situation. You have all the answers to your problems right in your post so let me break them down for you.

 

You are not crazy, you are depressed and there is a big difference there. Your problem is not really so much your girl friend but it is yourself. It is time to start to prioritize some things in your life. Take care of yourself and get yourself back on track. Sitting at home and doing nothing will only make things worse for you.

 

-Get a job

-Get busy

-Take care of yourself

 

You are damn lucky that your girlfriend is willing to consider a second chance. If you read around here long enough you will realize how rare that really is. But that’s the thing, if you get yourself back on track it does not really matter how things will work out with your girlfriend. You will be in a better place no matter what. So why don’t you get healthy and make your own decision if this is really the girl you want to be with.

 

It is all in your hands you just have to kick yourself in the ass and get out and do it!

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Gerb,

 

I'm sorry you're in such a rough spot. And being jobless doesn't help. I think everyone at some point has been consumed by someone else. I suspect it's because the relationship is unhealthy or you need her validation entirely too much.

 

Either way, there's a way out. Your ex is right. You need to work on yourself and take this thing slowly. You're an addict right now and jumping back in will not be healthy for either of you.

 

Look for a job. This should be your first priority. When you find one it'll help boost your confidence.

 

Seek counseling. You need someone to talk to right now. They have sliding scale fee counseling centers for each county. Take advantage.

 

Exercise. You'll have to do this on your own since you can't afford a gym right now. Run. Do situps and pushups. You need to get the seratonin back. It'll help you with everything else. I PROMISE YOU.

 

Find hobbies. Right now everything may feel bleak but you have to get back into life. There are hobbies that don't cost any money. Free poker at the club. It's social and fun and you don't have to spend a dime. It'll distract you even if you can't possibly have fun.

 

Eat well. Don't just eat a lot. Get good nutrition. You need to take your health seriously right now. The depression has a way of really hurting you and without exercise and a good diet, you will prolong it.

 

The sooner you start, the better. I was there once before and I never thought I'd get out of it. My ex husband had cheated on me and he was my first boyfriend. I had plans but thank god I never did it over that loser. My life is a million times better now than it was back then when I was so short sighted. Life is too beautiful to waste it over someone else. One of my best friends did it and it was horrific. Don't give up.

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