visotech Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 We've been broken up for 6 weeks, she has met a guy over that time, nothing serious, but hes visiting family in town and staying with her this weekend. My ex and I still hang out alone and more also share the same friends. We were both invited to a hangout on friday - I said to her its not up to me whether or not she comes or doesn't come to the event with the 'new guy'. But I also expressed a few weeks ago that if I saw them togather I would probably feel like puking. Am I being childish in that I would rather not see her with this guy, or hangout with her while this guy is around? Sure 6 weeks is decent time, but in my opinion its almost insulting that shes moving on this fast from the 3 years we had, she feels shes ready, thats her opinon. Im relying on her good judgment, and what kindness she has left to spare me from having to be around this guy so soon - is that too much to expect from my ex? Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 Im relying on her good judgment, and what kindness she has left to spare me from having to be around this guy so soon - is that too much to expect from my ex? yeah...... apparently.... SFX's Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 You'd feel a lot better if you quit hanging with the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Big_A Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 Do not go anywhere that you will see them together. In fact stay away from her all together for a while. As West said, you'll feel much better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author visotech Posted May 26, 2006 Author Share Posted May 26, 2006 We were good friends before the relationship, and we intend to remain good friends after the relationship. I know no-contact is ideal, but after we broke up I realized I had 9 weeks left of being like a mile away from her so I thought I'd just ride them out. I won't see her for nearly 3 months this summer and that is when I'm going full blown no-contact. Maybe it was a stupid move, but I sent her this email just to let her know why I feel like I do: I understand your position, I just need a little more time to catch up. It's not that I'm against you finding someone, I truly want to see both of us happy in the end reguardless of who its with. Also, its not that this guy in particular or when you met him that bothers me, it would be the same with any guy you met. I admit picking on the things you've told me about him is/was childish, but thats only a natural response. Even though we're not together, like it or not, I still feel very protective of you - and I don't want to see you get hurt. I understand we both need to get out there, live a little, and move along, and I wish I could do it with the snap of my fingers, its just need a little more time to catch up to where you're at. So please don't take it as insult that I feel uneasy about seeing you with another guy. If anything, I look forward to the day that I can be genuinly happy seeing you with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 You feel guilty about feeling bad having to see your ex of three years with a guy six weeks after you broke up? Are you nuts? I'm surprised you can deal with even the idea of her being with someone else, much less hang out out with the two of them. This sounds pretty self-destructive. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 Personally I agree that it's not healthy to be hanging out together. It's not allowing you to move on. From the sounds of it, she was moving on while still in the relationship, so it that much further ahead of you. It must be horrible to deal with, and in an ideal world she wouldn't put you through this. But she is clearly moving on and not particulary worried about sparing you feelings. It's ok to ask her not to take the guy, but don't rely on her not too. She does still have her own life to lead. You both sharing friends is always going to make this change difficult for you. I think you need to take responsibility for staying away from them, rather than keep asking her to stay away, or not come with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 Yes, I agree with the others. It's really not your place to ask her to NOT bring this guy. If it's so difficult for you to see her with him then you need to not go to the party. I mean if you two are REALLY just friends now and nothing more, it wouldn't matter to you, right? Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 ...we intend to remain good friends after the relationship...if I see them together I would probably feel like puking... I don't think it's realistic to expect to maintain a friendship when you still have that puking feel. Just think about it... Even if there weren't a past relationship involved, the fact that (your thoughts about) her companion make you physically ill means you really should avoid her. Not out of hatred or scorn, just out of concern for the carpet. You probably need to start developing some new friends as well. "I don't want to see you get hurt" You know, it's really typical for the male partner who was not desirous of the breakup to tell the female partner who is leaving (or who has left) that she will likely attract only predatory males who are interested in using her briefly and then leaving her in the gutter. Therefore she should stay with him, who treats her better than anyone else could or would ever do. Or similar. You were more restrained, in implying that she was likely to get hurt. I've heard this line of argument, and I found it to be 100% false. You may be sincere in thinking that you are concerned for her, but deep down, it's your fear for yourself that is driving your feelings. I'm curious...what was the driving force behind the breakup? Link to post Share on other sites
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