I get worse.

[Philipek]

I feel like such a leech. I think I’ve offered my rather limited advice to one other person on this site, and here I am starting a third thread. I hope that one day my brain reaches a level of stability where I can step back and objectively say to someone “Hey, do this.” But not now, so it seems.

 

For once I wish that I were normal. I wish that I could just mope around for a few months ignoring my ex and just wander off into a bar a healed man and pick up a new one. If it were only that easy. But no. I have to be Mr. Extreme. I have to go mental. Let me fill you in on the week’s events:

 

On Tuesday three of my ex-girlfriend’s (girl) friends came around to see me. Great. Actually they just wanted to make sure that I am ok and not sitting there with a razor blade to my wrists and drinking ethanol. Sweet, but a bit too late… I’ve gotten past the killing yourself phase thankyou very much. All I want now is quiet life. Anyway I made drinks, smoked some (a lot of) cigarettes and then after a few hours they invited me to the pub on Saturday…

 

Question 1: Is this a really bad idea? If nothing else it stuffs the NC ideal down the pan, because whatever I do or say is going to get relayed back to my ex by proxy. She’s in another city, in another country.... and whatever I do is now going to be divulged in glorious Technicolor. So if whether I behave as happy as a pig in sh*t, or down a liter of vodka and burst into tears its all getting back to her one way or another… should I go? It’s not like I have a million friends in this country. And the ones I did have happen to be them. And why are they coming to see me? I don’t really get that. Women, explain yourselves.

 

Question 2: The ex’s mother phoned me up to invite me for dinner on Saturday. She’s worried that I am not looking after myself. Oddly we’ve always gotten on. I am sure that I am supposed to hate her, but I don’t. She’s a nice, well educated lady and has done nothing to me. It’s not her fault, after all, that she spawned a bitch. Shame that she’s her only child. Question is am I being set up? These seem two events seem too coincidental for my liking.

 

Has anyone read Herman Mellvillle? There’s a line from Moby Dick that I think best sums up my present feelings for the ex: “From Hell’s heart I stab at thee. For hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee”... I loved her, but the way she destroyed me conjours up only feelings of abject hate. And now I feel as though I am being maneuvered back to her. Maybe she is having regrets? I wouldn’t be surprised; she always was a capricious cow.

 

Question 3: Am I being played here?

 

Question 4: I met two Polish girls last night and we went back to my place for a few drinks… well, we drank a lot of vodka. And we ended up in bed. Why am I now indulging in drunken gangbangs when a few weeks ago all I wanted to do was give my heart to one woman from then till eternity?

 

Question 5: I also met a rather nice American girl. She’s interested in me but I think that she is suffering from homesick syndrome like me and the only thing we have as common ground is the English language. Plus she’s from America. Jesus, why can’t I meet anyone who lives where I bloody live? Am I doomed to wander the earth, roaming from country to country… I’ll end up meeting a bloody Mongolian next.

 

Question 6: I also met another Polish girl named Kasia. We have a date tomorrow night. We've met a few times... she works in a shop on the ground floor of my apartment block. What the hell is wrong with me?

 

Question 7: I repeat: What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I turning into a male slut? Is this normal? Is this some rebound back from a dedicated but flawed love? I don’t want to be a male slut. All I wanted was to get married, settle down, have kids, a house….

 

And now? Jesus. Are all of these the signs of a diseased mind? Maybe I should run away to Mount Athos and live amongst men? I think that I am really going crazy. People here tell me that I am not ready for a relationship, and yet I ignore their sound advice and set up not one but many. Has anyone else done this? Or is the start of a full blown nervous breakdown?

 

Well. I hope that makes some sense. I've had a bit to drink tonight.

[Tim'sAngel]

Wow, that was a long post, but I made it through

 

Q 1. Yes it is a bad idea to hang out w/the ex's friends. NC means exactly that, NO CONTACT and you yourself said everything that happens will be reported back to ex in vivid color!

 

Q 2. Again, NC. Why would you want to keep in contact w/these people? Do you see yourself inviting them 10 years from now to tea or a christmas party? I think not

 

Q 3. I wouldn't know if you are being played since I havn't read any of your other posts. I wouldnt' rule it out though.

 

Q 4. Way to go on the polish girls!! Jk. You are lonely after a break up and its natural to want companionship, however, IMO, this is an unhealthy way to get it.

 

Q 5. Maybe Mongolia is the place for you

 

Q 6. Again, your just lonely

 

Q 7. Read Q 4, 5, and 6

 

Get a grip, this isn't the end of the world. The very best thing for you, IMO, is to take a break from the ladies. Get a hobby. Go to the gym. Get a dog!! Keep your mind occupied. You will pull though eventually and then be ready to meet the women of your dreams!!

 

Good luck!!

[Philipek]

Maybe Mongolia is the place for you

 

Sain uu Mongolia

[riobikini]

Well, Philipek, -you do write well when you drink.

 

That's good, at least, -and you've also managed to make a few men reading your posts jealous about the gang-bang.

 

So, really, -you should be happy. (Smile).

 

OK, -not 'happy', *proud*, then. Maybe both.

 

Now...where were we?

 

So many questions. You should write a book. But we already discussed that in one of your recent threads, didn't we?

 

And as far as some of those questions go, -the one about being set up- I don't think so. Go to your almost-mother-in-law's house this Saturday, sit down, be nice, and have dinner. Nothing like a home-cooked meal in a foreign country to persuade the homesickness to fade momentarily. It'll be good for you. And drink if it's offered, -but don't get drunk; you may have to spend the night, and if girlfriend is there, you'll be thinking of sneaking down the hall all night.

 

At any rate, you'll be well-fed.

 

Oh, one more thing: I wouldn't say much about my recent personal life, if I were you, -the gang-bang thing won't go over well at dinner.

 

On the other thing, about going out with one (or all) of those ex's, -probably not a good idea, judging by your track record. It would be just another night of wild sex -possibly, with multiple partners. And you'd have to post the results here. Again, making many others jealous of your rampant and free-wheeling sexual escapades. Go figure.

 

However, if you're up for a night on the town, -why not?

 

I'd just avoid going with ex's, -that's all.

 

And, yes, I've read Herman Melville. Enough said there (all the really good commentary has already been said).

 

The cigarettes...hmmmmm...I do have a comment on them....stop smoking....!!!

 

About the American girl: American girls are not too bad, -but maybe it's just that I'm not capable of being impartial about that seeing as how I was born in the "Laaaaand of the Freeeee!!!". (You may now wave the flag.)

 

The Polish girl, Kaisa, though, will probably turn out to be alot of fun (at first) -then, alot of trouble: she's going to be waaaaay too close to you (working on the ground floor of your apt.), -but she *would* be close enough to come up and do your housekeeping for you. I'm sure you'll make a decision about that soon after you've slept with her.

 

And about all your closing questions: no, (Smile), -I actually don't think you have a diseased mind -not by a long shot- I, rather, think you are highly intelligent, but you *do* have a lot of complicated, and very thought-provoking dilemmas and problems and -generally- just alot of horsesh*t you just can't seem to sidestep without stopping to play in it...and it takes a little more to plow through your barrage of seemingly 'important' questions and literary skill to light right on top of who you really are at the core (a task that's somewhat difficult even for me, and, believe me, I *try* to understand).

 

I don't know if I have a plow big enough (a shovel is out of the question) -but I'll stick with your posts until one of us gets to the bottom of something.

 

(Smile)

 

Take care.

 

 

-Rio

[Philipek]

And about all your closing questions: no, (Smile), -I actually don't think you have a diseased mind -not by a long shot- I, rather, think you are highly intelligent, but you *do* have a lot of complicated, and very thought-provoking dilemmas and problems and -generally- just alot of horsesh*t you just can't seem to sidestep without stopping to play in it...and it takes a little more to plow through your barrage of seemingly 'important' questions and literary skill to light right on top of who you really are at the core (a task that's somewhat difficult even for me, and, believe me, I *try* to understand).

I am good at horsesh*t. It's now 7:30 in the morning and have the detrious of a night's binge strewn before me. So my brain is not exactly at its best anymore. But horsesh*t is a skill I have developed. Call over it indulgent self-pity. Writing in the midst of an alcohol induced Euphoria is not a good idea. What seems profound after 10 beers soon appears to be idiocy when the Nescafe and the shakes kick in. But horsesh*t I am good at. A rampant imagination I guess.

 

I am going to sleep now. I will probably add something guilt ridden and shame filled in about 8 hours...... something like an apology. To whom or for what purpose I don't know. But I do get the impression that I am going to get an inbox full of regret when I wake up....

 

Refer to question 7: What the hell is wrong with me???????

[Philipek]

So many questions. You should write a book. But we already discussed that in one of your recent threads, didn't we?

 

You really don't want to know the depths that my mind can sink. Really you do not. That's a really bad idea. Catharsis is one thing, but what I write scares the sh*t out of me.

[Mary3]

I feel like such a leech. I think I’ve offered my rather limited advice to one other person on this site, and here I am starting a third thread. I hope that one day my brain reaches a level of stability where I can step back and objectively say to someone “Hey, do this.” But not now, so it seems.

 

For once I wish that I were normal. I wish that I could just mope around for a few months ignoring my ex and just wander off into a bar a healed man and pick up a new one. If it were only that easy. But no. I have to be Mr. Extreme. I have to go mental. Let me fill you in on the week’s events:

 

On Tuesday three of my ex-girlfriend’s (girl) friends came around to see me. Great. Actually they just wanted to make sure that I am ok and not sitting there with a razor blade to my wrists and drinking ethanol. Sweet, but a bit too late… I’ve gotten past the killing yourself phase thankyou very much. All I want now is quiet life. Anyway I made drinks, smoked some (a lot of) cigarettes and then after a few hours they invited me to the pub on Saturday…

 

Question 1: Is this a really bad idea? If nothing else it stuffs the NC ideal down the pan, because whatever I do or say is going to get relayed back to my ex by proxy. She’s in another city, in another country.... and whatever I do is now going to be divulged in glorious Technicolor. So if whether I behave as happy as a pig in sh*t, or down a liter of vodka and burst into tears its all getting back to her one way or another… should I go? It’s not like I have a million friends in this country. And the ones I did have happen to be them. And why are they coming to see me? I don’t really get that. Women, explain yourselves.

 

Question 2: The ex’s mother phoned me up to invite me for dinner on Saturday. She’s worried that I am not looking after myself. Oddly we’ve always gotten on. I am sure that I am supposed to hate her, but I don’t. She’s a nice, well educated lady and has done nothing to me. It’s not her fault, after all, that she spawned a bitch. Shame that she’s her only child. Question is am I being set up? These seem two events seem too coincidental for my liking.

 

Has anyone read Herman Mellvillle? There’s a line from Moby Dick that I think best sums up my present feelings for the ex: “From Hell’s heart I stab at thee. For hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee”... I loved her, but the way she destroyed me conjours up only feelings of abject hate. And now I feel as though I am being maneuvered back to her. Maybe she is having regrets? I wouldn’t be surprised; she always was a capricious cow.

 

Question 3: Am I being played here?

 

Question 4: I met two Polish girls last night and we went back to my place for a few drinks… well, we drank a lot of vodka. And we ended up in bed. Why am I now indulging in drunken gangbangs when a few weeks ago all I wanted to do was give my heart to one woman from then till eternity?

 

Question 5: I also met a rather nice American girl. She’s interested in me but I think that she is suffering from homesick syndrome like me and the only thing we have as common ground is the English language. Plus she’s from America. Jesus, why can’t I meet anyone who lives where I bloody live? Am I doomed to wander the earth, roaming from country to country… I’ll end up meeting a bloody Mongolian next.

 

Question 6: I also met another Polish girl named Kasia. We have a date tomorrow night. We've met a few times... she works in a shop on the ground floor of my apartment block. What the hell is wrong with me?

 

Question 7: I repeat: What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I turning into a male slut? Is this normal? Is this some rebound back from a dedicated but flawed love? I don’t want to be a male slut. All I wanted was to get married, settle down, have kids, a house….

 

And now? Jesus. Are all of these the signs of a diseased mind? Maybe I should run away to Mount Athos and live amongst men? I think that I am really going crazy. People here tell me that I am not ready for a relationship, and yet I ignore their sound advice and set up not one but many. Has anyone else done this? Or is the start of a full blown nervous breakdown?

 

Well. I hope that makes some sense. I've had a bit to drink tonight.

 

I really enjoyed reading your Post !

 

You are awakening your sexuality and this is normal. Someday you will find someone to give your heart to again.

 

Being frisky is good. Just make sure you wear a * raincoat *

[Philipek]

About the American girl: American girls are not too bad, -but maybe it's just that I'm not capable of being impartial about that seeing as how I was born in the "Laaaaand of the Freeeee!!!". (You may now wave the flag.-Rio

 

Ok sober. Not so bad, all things considered. Just one thing to clarify....

 

It has nothing to with her being American. Rather that America is a long, long way away... I have moved country once, not so sure I'd do it again. Not for a girl anyway.

 

On the other hand, she does live in Florida.... no snow. Oh, for a life without snow.

[Brittanyjean06]

Well you might not be over your ex, but you hooking up with other girls is the fun side coming out of you, possibly the happy side

 

No one said you can't be happy while going through a rough experience from an ex.

 

We always want to choose the more moralized stage of life, but than these wacky sides of people come out.

Your normal, Trust me lol

[Mary3]

Just go out there and get Laid ! It will do you good and you can focus on the pleasure and then when you are totally healed you can go for a new strong relationship

[Philipek]

Well, Philipek, -you do write well when you drink.

 

That's good, at least, -and you've also managed to make a few men reading your posts jealous about the gang-bang.

 

So, really, -you should be happy. (Smile).

 

OK, -not 'happy', *proud*, then. Maybe both.

 

Now...where were we?

 

So many questions. You should write a book. But we already discussed that in one of your recent threads, didn't we?

 

And as far as some of those questions go, -the one about being set up- I don't think so. Go to your almost-mother-in-law's house this Saturday, sit down, be nice, and have dinner. Nothing like a home-cooked meal in a foreign country to persuade the homesickness to fade momentarily. It'll be good for you. And drink if it's offered, -but don't get drunk; you may have to spend the night, and if girlfriend is there, you'll be thinking of sneaking down the hall all night.

 

At any rate, you'll be well-fed.

 

Oh, one more thing: I wouldn't say much about my recent personal life, if I were you, -the gang-bang thing won't go over well at dinner.

 

On the other thing, about going out with one (or all) of those ex's, -probably not a good idea, judging by your track record. It would be just another night of wild sex -possibly, with multiple partners. And you'd have to post the results here. Again, making many others jealous of your rampant and free-wheeling sexual escapades. Go figure.

 

However, if you're up for a night on the town, -why not?

 

I'd just avoid going with ex's, -that's all.

 

And, yes, I've read Herman Melville. Enough said there (all the really good commentary has already been said).

 

The cigarettes...hmmmmm...I do have a comment on them....stop smoking....!!!

 

About the American girl: American girls are not too bad, -but maybe it's just that I'm not capable of being impartial about that seeing as how I was born in the "Laaaaand of the Freeeee!!!". (You may now wave the flag.)

 

The Polish girl, Kaisa, though, will probably turn out to be alot of fun (at first) -then, alot of trouble: she's going to be waaaaay too close to you (working on the ground floor of your apt.), -but she *would* be close enough to come up and do your housekeeping for you. I'm sure you'll make a decision about that soon after you've slept with her.

 

And about all your closing questions: no, (Smile), -I actually don't think you have a diseased mind -not by a long shot- I, rather, think you are highly intelligent, but you *do* have a lot of complicated, and very thought-provoking dilemmas and problems and -generally- just alot of horsesh*t you just can't seem to sidestep without stopping to play in it...and it takes a little more to plow through your barrage of seemingly 'important' questions and literary skill to light right on top of who you really are at the core (a task that's somewhat difficult even for me, and, believe me, I *try* to understand).

 

I don't know if I have a plow big enough (a shovel is out of the question) -but I'll stick with your posts until one of us gets to the bottom of something.

 

(Smile)

 

Take care.

 

 

-Rio

I got a bowl of home made soup at the ex-in-law’s on Saturday... I didn't get drunk, I kept my mouth shut and as the ex is currently in Serbia there was no sneaking down the hall for me. Actually, does her trip have great timing or what? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a stray mortar shell! Solidarity my Montenegrin brothers. Aim for the blonde.

 

Ok, let's get to the point: Rio: you said I should write. So I did... I wrote until my fingers bled. I have been up for 48 hours and the only think keeping me awake is coffee, Marlboros and shear will power....

 

Fear not, I am not posting it here. Oh, far from it.... not ready for that...

 

But I do need a horsesh*t filterer, and I offer you the job. I feel bad not offering pages of trash for the rest of you to ponder over, but I'm having a crisis of confidence. So I need an outside opinion. My question is this: Have you got a few spare moments?

[Philipek]

I forgot to say, I didn't go out with Kasia in the end...

 

I met another one ... we drank too much vodka (again) and in the morning she was gone. Along with my wallet. Well, live and learn.

 

(Joke's on her though, that Maestro card is only good for picking your teeth thesedays!)

[striptizer Franjo]

Dear Philipek,

 

Greetings from ex-Yugoslavia. As you can see, your writing has reached even this remote parts of Europe. Do you really think guys from Montenegro need your crossed fingers? If you were taugh as men in Balcan are, you would not brood over your love problems here on the internet.... Are you a man at all?

 

First of all, no one has ever shoot Poles in Yugoslavia, in fact, they are quite in favour here. Secondy, I can conclude from what you wrote that your ex-girlfriend lives a better life in Hungary or in Serbia than at your side.

 

Just commenting on your previous posts, it seems that you met a real bitch the night your wallet got stolen. Sounds far more bitchy than your girlfriend; and she probably felt that you are in need for a bitch and that is why she left you.

 

One question: How can you eat at mother's of your ex-girlfriend if you think such things about her daughter? Surely, you would not express the opinions we had all chance to read straight in her face, would you?

 

That is all for now. But know that we read your posts from Budapest over Ljubljana, Zagreb, Beograd, Sarajevo, Podgorica, all to Skopje.

 

Pozdrav (greetings) from a Croatian stripper.

 

Franjo

[riobikini]

re:

 

Philipek: " Aim for the blonde.

 

Ok, let's get to the point: Rio: you said I should write. So I did... I wrote until my fingers bled. I have been up for 48 hours and the only think keeping me awake is coffee, Marlboros and shear will power....

 

Fear not, I am not posting it here. Oh, far from it.... not ready for that...

 

But I do need a horsesh*t filterer, and I offer you the job. I feel bad not offering pages of trash for the rest of you to ponder over, but I'm having a crisis of confidence. So I need an outside opinion. My question is this: Have you got a few spare moments?"

 

 

 

OK, Philipek, I am back.

 

From the beach.

 

Sorry for all the mounds of snow where you happen to be right now, but I cannot bring myself to apologize for my nice new tan. (Smile)

 

Bad for you, good for me, -but the tide could still turn for both of us.

 

Thought: you could use your *extreme imagination* to write about beaches. (Smile).

 

And as for those fingers bleeding while you typed (wrote). I smell more horsesh*it.

 

Get to work. Really.

 

And get some of what's *in you* on paper.

 

You know you've been dying to do it and every moment you wait is a moment (more) wasted.

 

I don't know how you'll feed yourself by choosing such a miserable way to make a living (cigarettes, coffee, and alcohol seem to be all you have access to -that is, -except for the meals offered so generously by your ex's mother), -but maybe you can get a real job to earn a paycheck, too.

 

Besides, vices appear to fuel you. I'm not encouraging drinking, here, -but I imagine they, as well as the random girls available to you, keep you from freezing to death...and if it works, then who am I to discourage...?

 

And, Philipek, (Smile) -you are far from being short on confidence: your brazen capabilities and abstract logic are much too obvious.

 

"Have I got a few spare moments?"

 

That should also be quite obvious.

 

Bring it.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[Mary3]

re:

 

 

 

 

 

OK, Philipek, I am back.

 

From the beach.

 

Sorry for all the mounds of snow where you happen to be right now, but I cannot bring myself to apologize for my nice new tan. (Smile)

 

Bad for you, good for me, -but the tide could still turn for both of us.

 

Thought: you could use your *extreme imagination* to write about beaches. (Smile).

 

And as for those fingers bleeding while you typed (wrote). I smell more horsesh*it.

 

Get to work. Really.

 

And get some of what's *in you* on paper.

 

You know you've been dying to do it and every moment you wait is a moment (more) wasted.

 

I don't know how you'll feed yourself by choosing such a miserable way to make a living (cigarettes, coffee, and alcohol seem to be all you have access to -that is, -except for the meals offered so generously by your ex's mother), -but maybe you can get a real job to earn a paycheck, too.

 

Besides, vices appear to fuel you. I'm not encouraging drinking, here, -but I imagine they, as well as the random girls available to you, keep you from freezing to death...and if it works, then who am I to discourage...?

 

And, Philipek, (Smile) -you are far from being short on confidence: your brazen capabilities and abstract logic are much too obvious.

 

"Have I got a few spare moments?"

 

That should also be quite obvious.

 

Bring it.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

Rio . I love your writing style Keep em coming !

[25p-bp-Anna]

One can see you are a real mess now, but I hope you get better soon. I was in a very similar situation in the past and I know how it is when you start trying everything just to forget, to escape from the one you love.... I went through all of that.

But i don't think you are being set up. Maybe your giirlfriend just cares about you and that is why she asked her friends to come round and her mother to invite you. You should appreciate that as well.

Greetings!!!!!!!