Crazy Behavior

[2020vision]

I would like to start this thread off on a positive note, I may not be the happiest person out there, but I have realized that this is the healthiest I have been in a very long time. Even when I was with my ex, I was a mess because we were always fighting. At least now I can say that he cannot do or say anything else to hurt me. I am just focusing on getting over everything that has happened in the past and moving on.

 

I have never truley tried hard core NC. And about 3 weeks ago when I changed my number I was basically at the point where I was going to try anything to feel better.

 

However, I do have my bad days. I have thought of the craziest things since I changed my number; I have thought of putting a note on his windshield that says "Call Me" with my new number on it. And today, had to be my worst...I saw a truck that looked exactly like my ex's with a guy in it in the lane next to me. So what do I do? I change lanes and follow the truck thinking we are going to "accidentally" meet up wherever his destination is... WTF!?? Then I realize its not my ex and all I could think of was, how crazy am I?? Thank goodness it was not him. It was like I became possessed and something came over me. Is this considered breaking nc? How do I stop doing things like this?? I have no clue why I have this feeling as though I should chase/pursue him.

 

I am doing so much better now, would just appreciate any advice on how to get over this hurdle...

 

Best Wishes,

 

2020

[johan]

Chasing trucks will get you run over. Don't make me lock you in the back yard.

 

On the other hand, I have a truck. I'll drive around and you can chase me until you get it out of your system.

[2020vision]

Thank you for making me laugh!

[bendit]

2020, you were a part of something dysfunctional. Yes, in order to be part of it for so long, you had to have Issues too. You have two jobs. One is to maintain, at all costs, NC. This is your lifeline. You were injected with toxins while in this "relationship" and every day you are NC, those toxins dissipate and you get healthier. You will have bad days. The point is to take it day by day by day and to try and make it through each day. Think about how you will have to start over if you break NC because you now understand there is no going back to this mess of a relationship.

 

The second issue for you is now you have to figure out why you remained in this abusive relationship. Why did you settle for so little? This is the fun part. I would suggest doing a lot of reading, exploring your thoughts. Try Journaling, writing down your thoughts and feelings about everything that happened. Also keep a running list of all the bad things that he did so that you can refer to it if you ever get the urge to break NC or he comes sniffing around again. You have to break your addiction. But its true. We can be just as unhealthy as "them". We are 100% responsible for our HALF of the relationship.

 

You may discover that you were very needy. You may discover that you were selfish, and this guy was an ego boost for you because he looked good at your side. But if you work at this, it can be one of the most rewarding times of your life. Yes it was about YOU. Why did you tolerate the abuse? Why did you settle for so little? Why didn't you feel like you deserved more? Where were your boundaries? Go on a quest to find the answers to these questions. The discovery process will never end, but the journey will be so rewarding. Getting through this will earn for you a relationship badge of honor. If you put the effort in, it will put you in great position to one day have the wonderful relationship you deserve. But take time for yourself to heal from this trauma first. Take plenty of time to heal and cherish your NC like it is your lifeline.

 

regards

[2020vision]

Think about how you will have to start over if you break NC because you now understand there is no going back to this mess of a relationship.

 

Yes, this is exactly how I am thinking right now. This time I have intiated NC I have been honest with myself. All the other times, even my friends would be telling me "He is going to come crawling back as soon as you ignore him" I cannot stress enough how unhealthy it is to think like that. All you end up doing is waiting for the person to call/show up. Its horrible waiting in suspense like that. I have convinced myself that he is not going to call or show up at my place and everyday it is getting easier to accept that. Also a post in another thread helped me realize that what I am doing is whats best even more so:

 

Posted by Daphne:

Don't settle. Life's too short to be in a hot and cold relationship with no trust. Really, it is. Live your life and have fun and make the most of it.

 

I cannot say how true this statement is. I have wasted 3 years of my life trying to make something that is broken, fixed. My ex's problems are serious character flaws that will never change.

 

Yesterday, I was driving around and that new Keith Urban song "Making Memories of Us" came on the radio. My first reaction was to start getting upset about my ex. But, as cheesy as this sounds, I actually started smiling and got happy about one day having those feelings with someone new, and how wonderful its going to be to find that truley special someone.

[GB111]

Wow, this post really gave me some energy. I've been NC since the beginning of the month, and I must say, I'm getting weary. I was feeling so much better, than I found out she is back working at a place I frequent (she had quit, but that's where I met her). So, now that place is off limits. Before, I really had no idea where she was, and was quite happy about it. Now, I know that contact is about 1/4 mile up the street every day. It's going to drive me crazy. I'll stick with it until I'm stronger, but learning this news really set me back a bit...

[2020vision]

Wow, this post really gave me some energy. I've been NC since the beginning of the month, and I must say, I'm getting weary. I was feeling so much better, than I found out she is back working at a place I frequent (she had quit, but that's where I met her). So, now that place is off limits. Before, I really had no idea where she was, and was quite happy about it. Now, I know that contact is about 1/4 mile up the street every day. It's going to drive me crazy. I'll stick with it until I'm stronger, but learning this news really set me back a bit...

Well- we are officially in the same boat GB. My ex lives about 4 blocks away from me and works about 1/2 mile down the road....Scary isn't it? Another confession: I have found myself driving by his work just to see his truck. What good does that do?? Again, another example of crazy behavior!

 

It will drive you crazy, but you just have to face it. And I do NOT mean face it by seeing her at her place of work. By this, I mean just deal with it and mentally prepare yourself. Its helps me to just tell myself over and over again that my ex is no one special and I do not need to fixate on him, he is not worth my time.

[KittenMoon]

Well- we are officially in the same boat GB. My ex lives about 4 blocks away from me and works about 1/2 mile down the road....Scary isn't it? Another confession: I have found myself driving by his work just to see his truck. What good does that do?? Again, another example of crazy behavior!

 

It will drive you crazy, but you just have to face it. And I do NOT mean face it by seeing her at her place of work. By this, I mean just deal with it and mentally prepare yourself. Its helps me to just tell myself over and over again that my ex is no one special and I do not need to fixate on him, he is not worth my time.

 

My ex is about 1/2 mile away as well. Wanna start a club? We can call it The-Exes-Are-Too-f***ing-Close Club. (or TEATFCC for short)

[bendit]

I have convinced myself that he is not going to call or show up at my place and everyday it is getting easier to accept that.

 

Unfortunately I have to disagree. You see you WANT to be vigilant. You should EXPECT this chump to seek you out and to come back and to try and use you and make your life miserable again. That's the MO of these people. So don't go into this netherworld where you block him out of your mind. You see your NC is protection for your well being. You have to cherish it like I said. There will come a day when you won't have to be so protective. But seeing as how you still have quite the urge to be in contact with him, you aren't there yet. So please be on guard and figure out your responses to his possible attempts to contact you. It may be that he won't. But don't ASSUME he won't. More than likely he will. Protect yourself.

 

regards

[2020vision]

My ex is about 1/2 mile away as well. Wanna start a club? We can call it The-Exes-Are-Too-f***ing-Close Club. (or TEATFCC for short)

 

LMAO sounds good to me!

 

Unfortunately I have to disagree. You see you WANT to be vigilant. You should EXPECT this chump to seek you out and to come back and to try and use you and make your life miserable again. That's the MO of these people. So don't go into this netherworld where you block him out of your mind. You see your NC is protection for your well being. You have to cherish it like I said. There will come a day when you won't have to be so protective. But seeing as how you still have quite the urge to be in contact with him, you aren't there yet. So please be on guard and figure out your responses to his possible attempts to contact you. It may be that he won't. But don't ASSUME he won't. More than likely he will. Protect yourself.

 

Thanks for the good advice. I do need to be realistic and aware.

[2020vision]

Oops posted twice....Oh well its my thread I guess I can do what I want lol

[2020vision]

But don't ASSUME he won't. More than likely he will. Protect yourself.

 

I guess my problem with thinking that he will initiate contact is that it is making me somewhat hopeful...How do I acheive not being hopeful, but protecting myself??

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I guess my problem with thinking that he will initiate contact is that it is making me somewhat hopeful...How do I acheive not being hopeful, but protecting myself??

 

For four months I hoped him to contact. Hoped for a second chance. And now that he has, and now that there could be a second chance, I'm scared out of my mind. White-knucked frightened.

[In Sync]

I guess my problem with thinking that he will initiate contact is that it is making me somewhat hopeful...How do I acheive not being hopeful, but protecting myself??

 

 

Take heed of bendit's word. Your hoping that he will initiate contact is a sign that you are at a vulnerabl stage of NC. Instead of dealing with the pain of what it means to rid yourself of this unhealthy and abusive person from your life...you are hoping that same abusive person will change and rescue you, by making contact. There are those who breakups are with ex who on some level display normal tendencies in that relationship, but for those of us who had the misfortune to be hooked on These "toxic" people our only choice is to abandon that hope and just fight back by facing the harsh reality....we can afford to contact them or respond to their contact.

 

Sadly enough by coincidence I have a friend who at the same as I maintained NC, from a unhealthy going nowhere psychologically abusive relationship. She was getting better BUT then she could not resist and made contact with the ex (she swore she could handle it)...and sure enough she is distraught. I don't condemn her because I know how difficult this NC bizness is, but it is heartbreaking to see her come so far and now be thrown back into this hell of accepting it's over.

 

Shut the door on this guy...had he treated you well I would say who knows down the line yes..but with ex's that were not attentive kind or just dished out crap...the lesson is to shut the door.

[bendit]

I guess my problem with thinking that he will initiate contact is that it is making me somewhat hopeful...How do I acheive not being hopeful, but protecting myself??

 

2020...what you have to get AT is why you feel "hopeful" that he might contact. With all you know about how WRONG this was, HE was, why are you still hopeful? This is the crux of it as I see it. You see when he was contacting you after the break up, even though it was a pain, it was familiar and it kept you hopeful for a miracle... But that contact is gone now. Now the only thing left is EMPTY. You have to replace that familiar albeit painful contact now. But its so so important to get through this tough time, this WITHDRAWAL by staying NC. You will get through it. Use this time to figure out what HIS pull is on you. Its unhealthy, so get to the bottom of it and understand it and accept it. This can be a fantastic time of growth for you but you have to go THROUGH the process to get the results. Good luck.

 

regards

[GB111]

Sadly enough by coincidence I have a friend who at the same as I maintained NC, from a unhealthy going nowhere psychologically abusive relationship. She was getting better BUT then she could not resist and made contact with the ex (she swore she could handle it)...and sure enough she is distraught. I don't condemn her because I know how difficult this NC bizness is, but it is heartbreaking to see her come so far and now be thrown back into this hell of accepting it's over.

 

Shut the door on this guy...had he treated you well I would say who knows down the line yes..but with ex's that were not attentive kind or just dished out crap...the lesson is to shut the door.

 

Oh, In Sync, I know you're right, and I know I'm not well enough to end the NC. Oh, and trust me, she was as toxic as cyanide. Nonetheless, I don't know why my mind makes me deal with this. I'm smart enough to know that I'm holding on to memories that can never be repeated, but to be honest, I'm lonely... When she was nice, she was so sweet. When she was nasty, she was a new definition of nasty. I have such a hard time reconciling that. My mind still can't quite get around it. Until it does, I'll maintain NC, despite what my heart wants me to do...

 

Best,

 

GB

[In Sync]

Oh, In Sync, I know you're right, and I know I'm not well enough to end the NC. Oh, and trust me, she was as toxic as cyanide. Nonetheless, I don't know why my mind makes me deal with this. I'm smart enough to know that I'm holding on to memories that can never be repeated, but to be honest, I'm lonely... When she was nice, she was so sweet. When she was nasty, she was a new definition of nasty. I have such a hard time reconciling that. My mind still can't quite get around it. Until it does, I'll maintain NC, despite what my heart wants me to do...

 

Best,

 

GB

 

It's amazing how the mind works...on the one hand I get sentimental, but I'm catching on to my own mental tricks...immediately when I start on that slippery slope, I just conjure up the memory of one of my ex's rage moments and in seconds it feels so real, in the moment like..I get goose bumps and tense just from the image. It keeps me alert to the fact I was in an unhealthy relationship, so stop deluding myself.

[2020vision]

...what you have to get AT is why you feel "hopeful" that he might contact.

 

Thank you. Like you posted before. I need to get at WHY he has this power over me in the first place, the root of the problem. Why I let someone so crappy in my life in the first place.