I'm LOVING No Contact

[GB111]

I'm sure many of you are aware of my legendary breakup with my ex (if you're interested, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t88342/). In any case, I just wanted to provide a quick update and a glimmer of hope for those who are suffering.

 

I have now been NC since the beginning of May after the 2.5 months of games. I was SO beaten down by this woman, I truly hit rock bottom. Counseling and drugs didn't work. I decided that for my own sanity, NC was the only solution.

 

Since that time, I have made HUGE strides. I'm feeling better about myself, my life, my family, my... everything! I'm not saying that I don't still care for her, but the awful pain of loss is gone, replaced by something more like butterflys in the stomach.

 

I wish that I had done this so much sooner. Not only would I have improved my chances of getting her back (in fact, I'd almost guarantee I would have), but I wouldn't have wasted 2 precious months on this planet. When I decided to go NC, I felt terrible. Like I was throwing in the towel and maybe that was a mistake. The only mistake I made was not doing it sooner. I urge those of you who are going through this incredibly difficult time to do your best to keep your composure. Anything you do to stay in touch or convince them they've made the wrong decision is a HUGE MISTAKE. I know you've heard this a hundred times on this site, but I'm one more testimonial. I knew it all, and followed none of it.

 

Good luck, and Godspeed,

 

GB

[Walking away]

I agree completely.

 

I, too, am thriving with the NC.

 

All my best...

[ElectricityCity]

I recently did the NC thing after my ex dumped me. It took him 8 months but he came back - I caught him driving by my house, then he'd call and hang up - then finally he contacted me. Hold your ground - they always come back - it kills them when you do NC and they'll pop back up when you least expect it (which is usually right about the time you think you've gotten over them).

 

Just don't do what I did recently - which is let them back in too easily. My ex popped back up then I agreed to go out with him - same issues were there, same crap - it went to hell in a handbasket.

 

It's the wondering what the ex is doing that's the killer - but actually they're doing the same thing they've always done. We all tend to glamorize them when we're apart and think they're drinking champagne, dating rich beautiful people, etc. They're not. They're doing the same crap we are - sitting around wondering what we're doing.

 

The NC works. Stick to it and I promise you'll hear from them again.

[Pantero]

Great to hear things are working out well for you, GB. I also want to add to that and say that some of you will go through your "good days" and your "bad days" during NC. During the "bad days", refrain from wanting to contact your ex and just hang out on the forum or get with your buddies (the very very few who are still single) and work through it.

 

It's been 3 months since my break-up and since the third day following the break, I've gone full out, stone cold, hard-line NC. But, that's not to say those wonderful and cozy memories won't sneak up on you. Some days, you will miss her and wonder if you still have feelings for her and what she's doing, etc.

 

For me, today was one of those days. But I was good. I didn't contact her. No worries.

[eyeswideshut]

EC,

 

How do you know when to talk to them again, when you say, they come by after 8 months, I'm sure he came by many times before those 8 months??

I'm totally dreading the time he will phone or email.

To me, it's just not polite to not respond to someone who calls?!?!?!?!?!

(in my 2nd day of NC)

[Pantero]

To me, it's just not polite to not respond to someone who calls?!?!?!?!?!

(in my 2nd day of NC)

 

Yes, but this is different. Personally, I respond back after a day or two. I let them sweat it out a bit and when I do respond, it's short, sweet, and not too revealing with what's going on with me.

 

This, of course, if I'm the one who was dumped. I've never dumped anyone, so I can't really talk about NC applying to that situation. There's no good guy or bad guy - just players in the game.

[In Sync]

EC,

 

How do you know when to talk to them again, when you say, they come by after 8 months, I'm sure he came by many times before those 8 months??

I'm totally dreading the time he will phone or email.

To me, it's just not polite to not respond to someone who calls?!?!?!?!?!

(in my 2nd day of NC)

 

 

There have been quite a few of us who have implemented hardcore NC, and as one who has practiced it and received by first kick in the butt by LS member bendit, here's my take. NC sounds easy but it isn't. It is a tool for helping and aiding you during the recovery and healing process of your breakup. It's not used as a means for getting your ex to be curious about your silence in hopes that they come around and contact you. It's for you to gain your footing because after a breakup you tend to feel completely overwhelmed by the sense of abandonment and are in an extremely vulnerable state. Therefore contact and continuous contact with the person whom is the root of this hurt (a.k.a your ex) it is important for you to just stop the contact. Ergo NC.

Responding or I should say not responding to your ex, and that means e-mails, phone calls, flimsy excuses to show up at the same places you've frequented DOES NOT INDICATE YOU ARE BEING IMPOLITE. This distorted viewpoint is what gets many people thrown back into the endless loop of hurting over and over again. NC is not being rude. It is your taking control of a situation and regaining your sense of power after the blow of a breakup.

 

If your breakupwas amiable, breaking NC is something for you to proceed with caution. And if it was not amiable. There's no question about it. NC. When you get to a point where the ex and his/ her life and what they are doing means nada to you..then why would you even need or want to contact the ex anyway? NC is meant to help you move forward, logically contact with the ex, keeps you looking back and holding on to false hope.

 

So many others who have there viewpoints but from someone who has done it going on 8 months now...yippy!!! I can say, you are not going to ever be the same person you were when you first start it. You will change. And it will be paiful at times. But that's the challenge.

[daphne]

Great post GB,

 

Glad to hear you're getting your footing. I'm glad I went NC myself. Even though he's made excuses to come around or text me. I was polite when I saw him but I didn't go out of my way to be around.

 

The longer I spend in NC, the easier it is to forget the person. I'm no longer that mopey person wishing I had him back. I'm the girl who had a busy and full life before I met him. I'm the girl who had boys chasing her. Better ones too.