Bite_To_Break_Skin Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 his/her past? For me it's a her. We met on the internet through our Xanga accounts. Neither one of us was looking for a relationship, it just sort of happened. We spent an entire year communicating through the web and by phone before we finally met. I thought I knew everything about her, but I never thought to ask her about her past. After making the move to be with her I learned a lot of things that I just can't seem to let go. It's partially my fault. I had this image of her that was unwarranted, but at the same time she didn't do or say anything to make me think otherwise. I'm trying to keep this as short as possible so I won't go into details, but it's so hard to love someone for who they are when you so badly hate who they were. I really need some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
phyrespryte Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Why is her past bothering you so much? If she's changed there's no reason for it to be a problem. I mean she's great in every other way right? Why not focus on the things that attracted you to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bite_To_Break_Skin Posted May 23, 2006 Author Share Posted May 23, 2006 Why is her past bothering you so much? If she's changed there's no reason for it to be a problem. I mean she's great in every other way right? Why not focus on the things that attracted you to her? I try so hard to, but every once in a while I'll see or hear something that reminds me of who she was. Highschool was a very difficult time for me. The worst 4 years of my life. I tried so hard to just let it all go and never think about it again. I wasn't very popular, and I didn't play a lot of sports or have a ton of friends. I really didn't have friends until my senior year, and I could count them all on one hand. I hated those people that thought they were better than everyone else, and hurt people just for the hell of it...and she was one of those people. I've spent my whole life avoiding those people and trying not to be like them, only to find out that the woman I fell in love with was exactly that. It wouldn't be such a big deal if the subject didn't keep comming up. She swore to me that she cut all ties to her past, but in the small town that she lives in, in a foreign country that I moved to so we could be together, that's impossible. Her first boyfriend, who date raped her at 14, calls our house late at night drunk. She has a child by a guy she met at 16. They were together for the four years before she met me. I see him everyday...he comes to our house to pick up his daughter after work. To sum it all up, I gave up everything and moved to a foreign country to be with a woman who's past, a past that I can't agree with, is affecting our present on a daily basis. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 I try so hard to, but every once in a while I'll see or hear something that reminds me of who she was. Highschool was a very difficult time for me. The worst 4 years of my life. I tried so hard to just let it all go and never think about it again. I wasn't very popular, and I didn't play a lot of sports or have a ton of friends. I really didn't have friends until my senior year, and I could count them all on one hand. I hated those people that thought they were better than everyone else, and hurt people just for the hell of it...and she was one of those people. I've spent my whole life avoiding those people and trying not to be like them, only to find out that the woman I fell in love with was exactly that. It wouldn't be such a big deal if the subject didn't keep comming up. She swore to me that she cut all ties to her past, but in the small town that she lives in, in a foreign country that I moved to so we could be together, that's impossible. Her first boyfriend, who date raped her at 14, calls our house late at night drunk. She has a child by a guy she met at 16. They were together for the four years before she met me. I see him everyday...he comes to our house to pick up his daughter after work. To sum it all up, I gave up everything and moved to a foreign country to be with a woman who's past, a past that I can't agree with, is affecting our present on a daily basis. From what you've said in this post, I strongly recommend you sit down with yourself and do some soul searching. It sounds like you are depressed, and angered in your relationship. I don't know the full story, and I'm not trying to deminish you or your chances. That been said, I think it's in your best interest to re-evaluate your love life as a whole. Is this what you want for the next few years, even perhaps if you decide to marry? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bite_To_Break_Skin Posted May 23, 2006 Author Share Posted May 23, 2006 From what you've said in this post, I strongly recommend you sit down with yourself and do some soul searching. It sounds like you are depressed, and angered in your relationship. I don't know the full story, and I'm not trying to deminish you or your chances. That been said, I think it's in your best interest to re-evaluate your love life as a whole. Is this what you want for the next few years, even perhaps if you decide to marry? That's good advice, but I'm torn. On the one hand I have the woman I met, The only woman in the world who can make me happy. On the other hand I have the woman she was, and I can't help linking the two together. Sometimes she'll do something that I would never expect the woman I met to do, but I would expect the woman she was to. I'm not a perfect person...I've done some pretty bad things in my life time that I'm not too proud of, but I've never belittled someone just because, or physically hurt someone out of anger. She has, and it breaks my heart to think of my perfect angel that way. Had we met years ago, I would have hated her. I guess what I'm asking is, can people really change? Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 That's good advice, but I'm torn. On the one hand I have the woman I met, The only woman in the world who can make me happy. On the other hand I have the woman she was, and I can't help linking the two together. Sometimes she'll do something that I would never expect the woman I met to do, but I would expect the woman she was to. I'm not a perfect person...I've done some pretty bad things in my life time that I'm not too proud of, but I've never belittled someone just because, or physically hurt someone out of anger. She has, and it breaks my heart to think of my perfect angel that way. Had we met years ago, I would have hated her. I guess what I'm asking is, can people really change? In very rare instances, do some people change for the better or worse. I wouldn't gamble my life on it. And, with what you're already dealing with opens up another strait: Perhaps you should ask yourself if *she* truly is the only woman that can make you happy. One's past is what brings forth the present, and future self. If you know what I mean. Without her past, she wouldn't be the person she is today. You either accept her as she is, and hope that both of you can live comfortably together or let go of the situation and move on. It again leads back to the original theory: Is it about you, or about her? Link to post Share on other sites
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