GoingDownSwinging Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Ugghhh. I've done it again. I went a whole week without contacting him and then yesterday I felt an overwhelming urge to text msg him so I did. I just asked how he was doing and if he had found a job yet. No response. I sent another one apologizing for sending the first one, justifying it by saying "sometimes I start to care too much". I hate this. I feel like I am prisoner to my own emotions. Any advice on how to quit having these "relapses"? Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Any advice on how to quit having these "relapses"? You remind yourself how bad it feels to be ignored. You remind yourself how bad he is treating yourself. You get sick of it and promise yourself no matter how much you are crying in private you will NOT let him know. You delete him from your IM, your cell, etc. You make efforts to NOT check up on him. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Ugghhh. I've done it again. I went a whole week without contacting him and then yesterday I felt an overwhelming urge to text msg him so I did. I just asked how he was doing and if he had found a job yet. No response. I sent another one apologizing for sending the first one, justifying it by saying "sometimes I start to care too much". I hate this. I feel like I am prisoner to my own emotions. Any advice on how to quit having these "relapses"? There's a terrific book about this phenomenon. We have all experienced it in resisting the urge to call someone after a breakup called "Don't Call That Man." Basically recognize that it's uncomfortable tension that overcomes you and makes you want to relieve it by calling him, then you do it and the tension is allieviated until you call him again and apologize. Unfortunately this is a sensitive stage that can lead to another call and another and if you don't catch yourself you'll do it without thinking...resulting in either putting him off and feelings of humiliation and frustration at yourself for not resisting. It's withdrawal symptoms...now you know it's not only you. Have a friend whom you can rely on to call in these moments. Do anything and everything that you've put off doing. Distract yourself from that phone. Remember if he's not responding to the calls there's a chance you are coming making him feel pressured. You can control your emotions it just takes discipline! Link to post Share on other sites
BeHappy Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 Remember the more you call him; you will go back at stage one. You will continue feeling sad and frustrate. Just let it go and wait for him to call you. You don’t want to force someone to love you because that is not real. It had to come from his heart. If he really loves you, he will call and talk to you about problem. At that point, both of you need to take some time apart, calm down and take this time to think about your problems. NC is the best answer for now. Link to post Share on other sites
neiu Posted May 17, 2006 Share Posted May 17, 2006 You sent a message apologizing for sending a message before that? Come on now, first off, don't msg him and second don't apologize. What are you apologizing for? He didn't even respond to you. Like everyone else says, get busy, start doing things for yourself. Almost 5 months of NC over here and doing better than ever. Even after getting emails and texts from the ex I still haven't responded. Honestly I don't think you'll ever forget, it's hard to erase people from memory. You seem to always remember the ones that hurt you the most. And yeah you know after all these months of NC I still think about the ex but the important thing is is that I have healed by not talking to her. You have to do the same, take control of your emotions and take back your life. Don't let him get the best of you because you're better than that. Don't get stuck in the cycle, push through no matter how much it hurts and you will finally make it through. Link to post Share on other sites
BrandonBP Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Everyone seems to come down so hard on people here that try to contact an ex. I know what you're going through. It's hard to alternate between pacing circles around the house, staring at the wall, and crying into your pillow every day and not get the urge to try just one more time to see if they've hopefully changed their minds all of a sudden. It makes you feel that much worse when you try to call and they still don't answer and still don't return your call. But I feel your pain. It's really difficult to love someone so very much and to feel all alone and not want to try just once more to see if they still love you. Take care, Brandon Link to post Share on other sites
destination_unknown Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Yes, it is very hard to resist the urge. But think about it this way - if they wanted you back they would be the one calling. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- They KNOW you want to be with them and they CHOOSE not to. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ANYTHING you say to them can be construed as some manipulative attempt to get them back. Even saying things like "I understand what you are doing" can be thought of by the ex as you trying to look like some kind of martyr to guilt trip them into coming back. So your best bet is just not to say anything at all. I know its not the same, but if it was a platonic friend that stopped returning your calls, would it bother you this much? You would call once and to see if something happened and then you would leave them to it. Would you want to be in a relationship where you felt afraid to contact your other half too much, to feel insecure if you want to spend time with them, to be walking on eggshells incase they leave again? You know that anxiety you have before and after you contact them - that will continue until you make a firm resolution that it ends here and now. YOU choose to end it today. You will feel a weight lifted from your shoulders and feel free. Link to post Share on other sites
dr strangelove Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 Oh well It really doesnt matter what you do ..he will come back or not come back.. If you feel like calling or texting.. or even even playing "I crush your head" perhaps you should delete his number? hide your device.. take a nap.. have someone tie you to a chair.. the last part can be alot of fun actually wink wink.. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 I've always succumbed to the overwhelming urge to contact my ex and it's not worth it. Everytime I go weeks without contacting him, I always break/relapse and end up calling him. It provided no relief at all. He was still the same jerk and I ended up feeling worse then what I felt when I didnt call. I agree with the others, no matter how hard it is, just leave him/her alone. If that person like/love you then they would call. Link to post Share on other sites
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