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For Those Coping Today, Without A Mom...


riobikini

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First, Happy Mom's Day! -to all of you it applies to.

 

Next, I want to say a few things on the subject of those who are going through today without their mom.

 

I still have my mother, and am very thankful for that. I realize all the important things she has done to maintain that role as best as she could, and I thank her frequently for all her efforts.

 

"As best as she could", meaning she was never all that maternal. I realize, now, that it simply did not come all that naturally to her, -as difficult as that was for me to accept growing up.

 

Now, I have the answers as to "why" that was, and all that is quietly settled and we have a great relationship, although (smile) I still wind up being her mom, instead, even now, -most of the time. But that's ok, -by now, I'm used to it. It does come naturally to me. ('nother smile).

 

Growing up, I was much closer to my grandmother, Martha Jane.

 

Martha represented everything there was, when it came to being a 'mom'. She taught me everything I needed to know about caring for small ones, neighbors, people in need. She was a tremendously generous-hearted, and kind person.

 

I always looked forward to my visits with her. She lived in a small cottage with a garden out back and spent her days quietly quilting, tending her garden, and generally immersed in her own little world of housekeeping and looking after as many others as she could cram beneath her protective 'wings'.

 

She was also very wise and and we spent hours just talking. She told me all about her growing-up years on the Cumberland, and many stories that I, to this day, cherish and have written down to pass on to my own children.

 

Martha Jane was a delight.

 

When I left home and moved away, I missed MJ, and thought of her often. When I returned to my home state for visits, she was always one of the first people I saw. She was always glad to see me and practically begged me to stay, -meaning, permanently. (smile) You see, Martha Jane had become a widow since I had first left, and she was very alone without my grandfather, Marion (name=he was French).

 

She tended, bathed, and fed him, dressed him, soothed him, and saw to his comfort right up until the moment he passed. And after sleeping beside him since she was 18, after his passing, she suddenly felt a cavern of loss and constant friendship. She was never quiet the same.

 

I did return to my home state to live after a few years, and I began visiting her again, often.

 

She became seriously ill just after I returned.

 

Not feeling well, she didn't get out much anymore, but when she felt well enough, I would take her out for drives in the country, or to visit relatives she had not seen in some time.

 

These were bright days for her, and we always had a wonderful time together.

 

The last summer I spent with her, we sat on her old outdoor swing, peeling apples in a old beaten-up pan she'd had since I was a young girl, or trimming up the hedges my grandfather had planted years before, or repairing something she just couldn't let go of yet, but which I felt needed to be sent off to its final resting place, -in the garbage. Martha Jane was a classic 'pack-rat'. Almost all the things she owned were things I could remember from childhood. But I admit, secretly, I found a peculiar comfort in her having that trait; like her- those old things were familiar, and sweet.

 

Martha Jane always wore a straw sun-hat when she was outdoors in her garden, and during one of my visits I drew her portrait in charcoal, waist-high in sweetcorn, pole beans, rhubarb and flowers, hoeing random weeds -although I was never able to quite catch the smile on her face the way it actually appeared.

 

She was a jewel. And for everything my mother had been unable to give, Martha Jane had presented, with abundance, the things lacking. At times, when I thought about it, I was mystified how none of MJ's traits seemed to have influenced my mother -her own daughter- any, but of course, that answer came later, and I understood. Until I did, though, I was just thankful for Martha Jane. She was a gift to me, -one that I didn't ask for, but truly needed.

 

MJ passed that fall, after 86 years of caring generosity. Her life had been a picture of simplicity and giving. I cannot think of a sweeter, more kind woman than my grandmother. She didn't leave much in the way of material things to divide (and argue over) for her children, -but, at least, for one of her grandchildren in particular, she left more than enough in *example*.

 

Just thought this personal story tucked away in the journals of my memory might cause someone not having a mom today, to realize that others can certainly fill that empty space, more than adequately. *Let them.*

 

(Smile)

 

Happy Mom's Day!

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

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Thank You So Much for that post Rio.

 

This is my first Mother's Day without her physical presence, and I feel the weight of her loss every single day, somedays are a bit rougher than others.

I have so many memories of a woman who represented courage, strenghth and humbleness and now she's an angel of God. And she showed me so much love...unconditional love.

I pray she knows how much I love her in return.

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that a beautiful story RIO *sniff*, *sniff*.... I too am with out my mom. She died in 1997. I miss her a lot. :(

 

She was the only one who I could talk to about certain subjects and she knew me better than I know myself.

 

Much like your grammie, my father has not been the same person since my ma died.

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InSync, you are especially welcome.

 

Happy Mom's Day! to you -in a special way!

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

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Hugs to you, Alpha.

 

Here's a tissue> _. (Smile)

 

I'm glad you posted with that sincere response.

 

*Spend a couple of hours with your father today, -or make a phone call.

 

He'll appreciate it.

 

Yours,

-Rio

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