destination_unknown Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 My dad is dying of cancer very slowly and it pains my heart to see him so sad that he deteriorates a little more every day. I am terrified of how much more pain he will go through before the end. I am terrified but in complete denial. I cant support my mother and sisters properly because I cannot talk to them about my dads condition. I cant tell him how much he means to me and how I know how hard he worked to make a good life for me. that it wasnt his fault I was screwed up for so long. That hes my daddy and I love him so much because if I do that it means I accept the reality that he is dying and I will breakdown. I am selfish because I am afraid of living on my own with my mother when my dad is gone because she will drink herself to death. My ex, who is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, just told me he is with somebody else. A week after he told me he was afraid if we saw each other he couldnt control himself and we would end up being with each other and a month after he told me he still loved me. I have a stupid ring I was going to give him to show him I loved him which he didnt think was true and a weel ago he told me I never did enough to win him back. I've loved and lost before and it was nothing compared to the complete emptiness I feel now. I have very little hope left. I just hope that God will help me get through this I dont have the strength right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 I went through something very similar and I feel the need to express to you that you must use your time wisely and express to your dad all that he means to you. The guilt that is left behind when someone has left us and we feel as if we didnt let them know how much they are loved is unbearable, and never ending. I pray that God wraps you in his arms and carries you thru all to come. As far as the guy, he's not worth another thought. I don't know your situation so I'm not talking about the type of guy he is, but the fact that you have more important things to deal with right now. Use that energy to focus on loving yourself and being there for your family. Believe me, nothing else will matter in the end. I lost the person who was dearest to me in life, to cancer and yes, it's a terrible thing to witness. Be strong, may God protect you and your family. Link to post Share on other sites
TravelLight Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 I have not experienced what you are going through. I am sorry for your pain. Some time ago on Loveshack you helped me through a difficult time. You told me that it would get better and the feeling of despair was temporary. Those words made a big difference to me and got me through a pretty rough time. I am grateful. I wish I could say more now to help you. Please do not give up hope. Your words here show how much love you have. It is not weak to show love and you have to let any pain go. My thoughts are with you. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 My dad is dying of cancer very slowly and it pains my heart to see him so sad that he deteriorates a little more every day. I am terrified of how much more pain he will go through before the end. I am terrified but in complete denial. I cant support my mother and sisters properly because I cannot talk to them about my dads condition. I cant tell him how much he means to me and how I know how hard he worked to make a good life for me. that it wasnt his fault I was screwed up for so long. That hes my daddy and I love him so much because if I do that it means I accept the reality that he is dying and I will breakdown. I am selfish because I am afraid of living on my own with my mother when my dad is gone because she will drink herself to death. I would like to give you some advice. I have left the part about your ex out because I don't feel that it is worth worrying over. You have more important things to worry about. The thing I want to say to you is this. I have had cancer. It was an aggressive cancer with a very bad long term prognosis. Whilst I am not terminal at the moment, there is a very real possibility that I will become so in the future. I have a 16% chance of still being alive at my five year point. I reach that point on August 11th 2007. When I was treated for cancer... with radiotherapy, chemotherapy and with surgery. I was disfigured. Bald. Sick as a dog. Sicker than I have ever been in my life. Sicker than any member of family or friends (and I've lost people too). I had radiation burns and I had infection after infection. During this time... the person closest to me... my ex-partner... abandoned me. To my mind anyway. He continued to work. He avoided looking at me. He didn't tell me how much he loved me. He ran away from the fact that I was so sick I could die. Three years later, I am still alive, alone... but alive. One of the things which happened to us is that I thought he didn't give a s*** about me. I thought he didn't care at all. I had fecking cancer and he couldn't even look me in the eyes and tell me he loved me still. It made me feel like it was all MY FAULT. Please. Talk to your Dad. Tell him you love him. You can deal with your Mom later. (I'm sorry if this seems harsh) Link to post Share on other sites
Author destination_unknown Posted May 5, 2006 Author Share Posted May 5, 2006 I will tell him, I know I dont want him to think I dont care that he is sick. Chinook, you are right, i have to do it for him. I'm sorry for what you went thru and are still going thru. TravelLight and Butafly your words mean alot. Link to post Share on other sites
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