should i ask my ex bf this question?

[sallyjavan]

even if he's getting married bc i want him to be straight forward to me i know its not going to make much of a differnce but at least i know why he's acting strange and wierd towards me lately.

if he still loves me or still has feelings for me. if he says no then there are no hard feelings if he says yes that he still has feelings for me and still loves me i wouldn't know how to handel this kind of situation. please help.

[jerbear]

Since he is getting married, just let it go.

 

Sometimes closure is just not meant to be.

[dgiirl]

I'm sorry you are hurting, but dont ask him. The only reason why you want to ask him this is because you are hoping the answer will be yes, that he still has feelings for you. No matter HOW he answers this question it'll only confuse and hurt you more. If he really loved you, dont you think he'd move heaven and earth to be with you? Wouldnt you do that for him? Dont you think you deserve the same thing? Let him go and focus on yourself. Figure out how you can be a confident happy single person again. Once you get yourself in order, you'll find happiness again.

[NTB]

Since he is getting married, just let it go.

 

Sometimes closure is just not meant to be.

 

agreed

 

just let it go

[sallyjavan]

here is the thing this is not his one time thing he's done this before we would loose contact then he'd email me again and its like keeping on tab on me wanting to stick around. if he's getting married or is to happy with is soon to be wife then he wouldn't come around bragging about how happy he is and at one point i gave up and told him i never cared to hear about any of that situation. I congragulated him and said he had my blessing. i've asked for closure so many times so many times and said goodbye's to him so many time he's not saying goodbye. i just want to hear him say goodbye for good but he's not making an effort to even do that. i tried being friends with him but that wasn't easy at all bc of all the past and history and we end up arguing. i did let go of him so many times and he hasn't made anything easy on me either. i've been married for a year too he's tried to ruin my marriage with my husband i would end up arguing with my husband and would not talk to each other for about a day or 2 over the situation. i mean can a person be that sick to do such a thing like this. its like been a rollercoster ride for me through out this year and i dont think i can keep up with him any longer so thats why i posted this to say to him if he still has feelings for me and loves me, because when i got married around may of last year during mid summer he confessed to me that he still has feelings for me and still loves me. he said it before and now he's getting married and i'm fine with that finally he has a life of his own, and the thought of him keep going and comming back will never go away. please help.

[jerbear]

It now seems that both of you can't let go.

 

One of you two, as in YOU, will need to tell him to go away, get married, and YOU move on.

 

The other is divorce your H and marry him. If you do not have any thoughts of a quick yes, then let go of him and continue this life. Otherwise divorce your H, because it is just not fair to your H that you do not respect or care about him; your heart is not there.

 

Both very hard decisions. Since he is getting married, you are married, just let it be. In the future, never know...

[a4a]

Quit playing games with him. You are married and still in contact with him about "feelings"?

 

Quit responding to him, go 110% NC.

[dgiirl]

It sounds like you've given up a lot of your own control.

 

First of all, you are married, why is your ex bf still in your life? And before you say, well he's the one who keeps coming back, you have to take charge of your own life and be responsible for the things that happen in it. If you dont want him in your life, then DONT LET HIM IN YOUR LIFE. It's as simple as that. When he comes around, you dont speak to him. Tell him to leave you alone and hang up the phone or walk away. Stop responding to him. You've said goodbye to him many times and the only reason why you havent let him go is because he hasnt said goodbye??? So what? That's like ppl getting into arguments over the phone because they want to be the last person to hang up, so they both sit on the phone demanding the other person to hang up first. Where's the logic in that? Just slam the phone down and stop thinking about him. Stop giving away your control.

 

Second of all, you're married! Focus on your husband! My gosh, I'm going through a divorce at the moment. It's the last thing I've ever wanted to do and I would do almost ANYthing to be back happily married to my husband. I truely did love him and I'm heartbroken because we're getting a divorce. I took my vows seriously and never wanted this to happen. Be thankful for what you have. If you cant appreciate your husband, then maybe you shouldnt be married?

 

Take charge of your life. If you dont want your exbf in your life, then dont let him in your life. Dont seek out ways to talk to him. And IF he comes back, tell him to go away, and mean it!

[In Sync]

You are using this relationship with the ex as a bandage to cover the unhappiness you are experiencing in your own life...apparently you are not totally happy in your marriage if this relationship with the exbf is a sore spot between your husband and yourself. Take off the denial blinders and see that the core of your problem is not whether your exbf is still in love with you but that you are not happy with your life. So the drama of this is providing you a means of escape. Explore what's really going underneathe here..You're not a victim. You do have a choice.

[sallyjavan]

here are some of his emails and if anyone thinks i'm overreacting to this situation please tell me.

 

like i said,i have nothing to do with you at all and u have no right to speak to a man who is engaged to get married ,i have my wife and have no relation with any other girl like you or whoever else,so its best if you move on with your life and forget everything we had before,whats gone is gone and its best you concentrate on your life and let me concentrate on my life too,if you wanna ruin your life thats okay but i dont wanna ruin mine at all,so pleae go away and dont send me an e-mail or even a word.and i swear to god if i you keep sending me e-mails be sure that they will never be replyed and thats for sure. bye for ever

 

(this is the part where i told him i didnt no longer wanted to be friends with him and this is his reaction)

 

okay if u really want this thats ok with me im leaving for good and u better get lost too since i dont wanna c ur name in my mailbox anymore and dont wanna hear from u at all and this is the last thing i wanna do but if i hear one word only one word from u i fu... ur a... up im dead serious now u can f... off

 

but just to let u know that our wedding is 2 months later,so if u wanna wait,u have to wait 2 months more till i send u my wedding pic then u can go ur way and i will go my way,so please dont e-mail me back anymore till i send u my pic then u can officially f... off,now tell me does that make u happy???

 

 

hey,i dont have enough time to waste on you,i think i have to block you if u dont keep ur big mouth shut then u can send me tons of e-mails who cares what u write since i wont receive them at all even one word of them, listen,i am fully busy with my fiance planning out our future life so please dont bug me anymore and dont make be block u ,let me keep at least some respect for your a.... too. bye and dont write back anymore

 

listen,i still do have some respect for you for some reasons but i think that i'd better leave anyway.thats just what i feel inside right now as i am focusing on my marriage ceremony and am hardly busy collecting my money

 

you know what,i just cant send u any sort of pictures but i can tell you honestly that im fixing to get married and hopefully over the next couple of months i'll have my ceremony and everything,and there's nothing to lie about,and im so so happy that im getting married and i did found my other half and the one i was looking for .

 

hey listen bi...,i dont have time to dig in my inbox and search for your sh...,ok? and on the other hand u cant talk to me like that,underestood? who the fu... u think u are? by the way lets pretend that all u said was fu... right,then what? what a f... difference does it make ? to me nothing, i dont give a sh...,ok? i dont give a sh..

 

say what ever u want to say,who cares?bi...

 

by the way,im busy blocking you right now,so u'll be automatically sh.. up finally

[sallyjavan]

on one part of his email it says

listen,i still do have some respect for you for some reasons thats just what i feel inside right now

what do yall think this means. what does he mean he still has respect for me like he has feelings for something?

[TeaCooler]

um it looks to me like he's telling you straight up he wants you to go away.

 

maybe he felt bad about being mean about it, and said he respects you, but, honey--read his words.

 

he does not respect you if he can be that mean. he doesn't really sound mature enough to get married, but that's not your problem.

 

get the message. he wants you to go away.

 

*not to mention, you didn't include what you wrote, and anything he said could been lead in some direction by you...and looks like it was.

[dgiirl]

sallyjavan, STOP reading things into his messages and stop focusing on the things you want, and start paying to the whole message.

 

like i said,i have nothing to do with you at all and u have no right to speak to a man who is engaged to get married ,i have my wife and have no relation with any other girl like you or whoever else,so its best if you move on with your life and forget everything we had before,whats gone is gone and its best you concentrate on your life and let me concentrate on my life too

 

Clearly he's the one telling YOU goodbye. Leave him alone!

[sallyjavan]

well i had said some stuff that i got him mad to bc i've had it with this guy i told him nicely that couldn't and didnt want to be his friend and he started blowing up at me for no reason. if you were in my situation if you feel for a guy like this being take advantage of not saying one word becuase he thinks he was in charge and what ever he says it has to be his way wouldn't get fed up with it? so i took actions for myself and didnt want to sit down feeling like an idiot for him to take advantage yes i was harsh on him for a long time. why should i ease on up on something like this if he wants to act this way. not only that but i was the one who started telling him constantly he needs to leave and to leave me alone and he's telling me the same thing. its like he wants to compete with me and i'm not here to compete with him.

[grateful]

its like he wants to compete with me and i'm not here to compete with him.

 

the best way to not compete is to not engage. don't write him back, don't even read his emails. let it all go.

[sallyjavan]

here is the thing with that message is that i'm the one who told him first that he has no right to talk to a married girl especailly if he's getting married. then he turned around and told me what i just sent you. i dont even like getting involved with married men thats not my kind of thing anyways. you know its like a 2 way street. what ever i say he turns back around and tells me the same thing.

[crazy_grl]

I feel really bad for your husband. It's no wonder you two get into arguments about this. You're putting a lot of energy into fighting with your ex bf when you could be putting it into your marriage. I'd say you're either not over your ex or not very mature. Maybe both. It doesn't matter what he's doing *you're married*. Who cares if he keeps contacting you or is trying to compete with you. Ignore him and focus on what's really important: your husband.

[jerbear]

Let it go and move on.

 

Since you didnt inlcude what you sent him or told him before the last email. That is a toss up. Honestly, just let it go! Forget about closure or what you want to hear. His actions are marring that girl in a few months.

 

Just let it be.

[dgiirl]

here is the thing with that message is that i'm the one who told him first that he has no right to talk to a married girl especailly if he's getting married. then he turned around and told me what i just sent you. i dont even like getting involved with married men thats not my kind of thing anyways. you know its like a 2 way street. what ever i say he turns back around and tells me the same thing.

 

Awesome, so you BOTH are in agreement that neither one of you should be talking to one another, since you BOTH are married to OTHER people. End of story, leave me him alone and focus on your husband, otherwise you'll not only have an ex bf, but also an ex husband.

[Numbheart]

Jeeez....how many times has he told you to leave him alone and you manage to pick up on the smallest glimour of hope in something that he may have mis-worded in his frustration??

 

I hope your husband does not ever find out about this, because if he does (and if he was me) you would be out the door faster than a rocket.

Why did you ever marry him if you still have such obvious feelings for an ex?....is it a case of settling for anything else just to prove your worth to him or yourself?

 

Seriously re-evalute your situation and feelings.

[sallyjavan]

you want to know the reason why i got married. i tell you why after my relationship ended with my ex a week later i met my husband, now after having an on and off relationship for 4 years which i never seen only once oh and by the way we had a LDR so you can imagine why it even took longer. So having a 4 year relationship gotten out of a relationship a week later met my huband and i was the one who pushed him into getting married. i thought i could get over my ex that fast. So i pushed him into getting engaged and getting married and this is where i stand right now and beleive me this is not the way i wanted things to be. So other then that it took me a while to get over him and still taking time but for how long god knows. and now i'm at a place in my life where i've moved on and have been doing well for about a month till he emailed me again. i was actually moving on trying to make my husband happy. All of a sudden bam there is his email again. he had 2 wonderful sister his father was very understanding he actually had asked my family back home in my hand in marriage they approved of him. i was set to move in with him back home but i never said anything bc i found out he was dating someone else so i never told him. i was gonna tell my family about moving in with him but when i heard he moved on i never mentioned a word them. i would never thought he would move on that fast so i moved on as well then i met my bf which is now husband. I never got his mom approval and he would make it sound that he's begging her to approve of me. and i didnt want to be in a family where someone wants to hate me just bc of their son. So i backed out and i wished i had gotten some answers from him but i think its late for that now. i hope this answers your question.

again thank you all again for your support and advice.

[TeaCooler]

so your marriage is a big rebound mistake, you wanted to marry the other guy and the only reason you're not telling him is because you're married and he's almost married.

 

so you spend all your time writing back and forth to each other about you're not going to talk and don't need each other.

 

guess what? for this to stop, one person has to stop answering the other's emails.

 

not that hard.

 

but since your intention is not really to make him go away, because you are trying to keep up this contact with him in any form possible, you will keep answering him, and this will continue.

 

so...go through a big neverending cycle and hurt people, or grow up and end it.

[crazy_grl]

sallyjavan, pressuring someone to marry you when you know you're not over your ex is one of the most selfish things I've ever heard.

 

You need to decide whether you want to be with your ex or with your husband. There are 2 ways to go about that.

 

1. Ask your ex if he has feelings for you then decide whether you want to stay with your husband based on your ex's answer. I think this is unfair to your husband, as it could leave him being 2nd place if your ex turns you down.

 

2. Do some serious thinking about what you want and decided whether you want to be with your husband or with your ex, without knowing how your ex feels about it. If you decide you want your ex, tell your husband you want a divorce then talk to your ex and see if he wants to get back together. If you'd rather be with someone else, then you should let your husband be free to be with someone who wants to be with him.

 

Both of those options involve acting like a mature adult and having a rational and open discussion with your ex where you actually say what you mean and are honest about how you feel.

 

Then of course, there's the 3rd option of continuing this ridiculous drama. If that's the choice you make, then hopefully for your husband's sake, he'll soon wise up and get out of this sham marriage.