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When will it get easier!


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All right i have now officially given into the thought that I will forever be in this limbo...I think I have given this enough time to allow the pain to go away.

However the pain is still here and the tears continue to fall when no one is with me.

This is an unbearable feling and I hate it...I can't stand it anymore....It is almost like something has come in and taken over the person I once was, and i can't get that person back no matter how much I want her to be back....

I have been seeing a counselorsince December and sometimes i think she helps, but then other times i don't know what to think....In all honesty how can I overcome this pain?

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riobikini

Whisnimz, take a look at your calendar, -it's only been a few weeks since he went back to the other woman.

 

There hasn't been enough time.

 

Compounding that, is the fact that this time was the second time he left you in just a handful of months.

 

Truth is, you weren't "over" him (the resentment) from when he left you the first time, when you took him back this time and he left you.

 

W, you've been double-whammied twice in a matter of months and your emotions are carrying out their natural routine that was induced by these two closely-unfolding traumatic events.

 

Also, with your kind of situation, where a lover leaves you for another woman, there's another significant matter that figures in, aside from just the "leaving you" part.

 

It's all about the humiliation, ego-bruising, and profound moments of doubting your value as a woman, -not simply a human being who lost at love, -but a woman who was not desired.

 

Being "cast away" is brutal to anyone, but being cast away for another woman is devastating.

 

Generally, women are not new to the everyday "competition" they encounter with other women, but this is -in all ways- *different*.

 

This kind of wrenching pain is awesomely powerful and can cause you to focus much too hard on "becoming" the kind of woman he desired.

 

You may think "What's she got that I don't have?"

 

And the whole thing has the ability to slay you.

 

It happens to men, too, under the same circumstances.

 

Particularly, though, with women, it seems to deliver a special flavor of pain, in that we keep this stubborn, bitter taste in our mouths, and it just won't go away.

 

It's like we're in a new kind of "competition" but all the rules are based on ruthless means to get whatever -whomever- it is that's desired, and whichever woman "loses" the competition has to give up her value and desirability as a bonafide "woman".

 

***W, Get out of the competition. Remove yourself. The prize (your ex) is not worth it, if that's what it takes from you to win it.***

 

W, knowing your ex-lover is with someone new is, I know, excruciating, but your worth and value as a woman, and as a human being, still remains intact no matter who he has chosen.

 

It is, above all, important for you to begin focusing on yourself, your overall well-being, and your contributions in *other* types of relationships, at this time.

 

Becoming involved, more than usual, in other relationships (work, family, friends, social) can help you to slowly regain your confidence, and will also give you opportunity to "rest" from the constant stream of thoughts of your ex, as these other types of relationships can be refreshingly distracting, and provide loads of positive input.

 

And positive input is something you desperately need.

 

***No one should live their life feeling "second best", Whisnimz, least of all someone who tried twice as hard to make the relationship work.***

 

Yours,

-Rio

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whisnimz- I hope it helps you to know there are others who feel and have felt the same as you- like the pain will never end. Just know that you are not alone and you have friends and family that love you.

I wish I could say that next week it will be easier, but it may not. It just takes time. I thought I was doing fine, and now I am a total mess again.

Eventually, those days where you feel like you will never be the same again will happen less and less, but the important thing that you, and we all need to remember, is to give ourselves time to heal, to know that there is someone out there for us, and most importantly, to take care of ourselves and love ourselves.

Good luck! :)

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Brittanyjean06

I do believe that it only gets worse before it gets better, as crucial as that sounds. Everything is still so new to you, and you feel like that now but you need time and be thankful for time because It will go by pass sooner you know It wil be months

 

Though you may not be over him, but you will burry the pain inside you like I have, considering It's been 8 months..

 

I was devastated when I found them together, wanted to drop out of high school.. man just thinking about that tragic day really makes me realise how much pain I was in . I am still trying to turn my emotions to hate so I can get over this quicker but first loves are the hardest to get over I heard.

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UT_longhorn

hang on tight. its a wild roller coaster ride that seems that will never end. i remember asking the same exact questions. (see my previous posts) wondering if and when the pain would subside. i felt that i would be stuck in the painful stage of missing her forever. YOU MUST DO NC, and try to stay busy with your life. Keep pushing yourself to better yourself (work out, read, hobbies, etc) and redevelop your confidence. In time, the pain will dull. Then dull some more.

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I know this is a roller coaster, but seeing how it is the second time I am going through this I really thought it would get easier, but instead it is getting harder by the day.

I am looking to better myself with going back to school, and moving into a different apartment across town. I try to stay busy by exercising and being around my family and friends, but it still remains I have to face him at work every day. I just feel so hopeless right now.......I want to be me again and he has robbed me of the old me!

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riobikini

re:

 

Whisnimz: "I just feel so hopeless right now.......I want to be me again .."

 

There *is* hope.

 

It may be a bit surpressed right now, -or maybe you just aren't aware you're thinking in a 'hopeful' way- but you are.

 

You are thinking of the future, i.e. moving, changing, going back to school, you're hoping for the future.

 

And on the other thing, -you want to be 'you', again.

 

W, you really don't.

 

The old 'you' would be taking him back for the third time, and the next, and the next....

 

You aren't that 'you', anymore.

 

Hang tough, gal.

 

-Rio

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UT_longhorn
but it still remains I have to face him at work every day

 

That's a probably a very big factor on why its harder on you. This is gonna make your progress much much slower in my opinion.

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This too, shall pass. No emotion is forever. I have some good days and bad days myself. Just keep taking it one day at a time. Baby steps. ;)

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I have to say it can't pass soon enough.....I hate feeling so low about myself and I hate the fact that i allowed this person to get slode enough to strip me of my dignity once again....I really thought I was handling this fine, but over the past couple of days I have realized I am not handling this well at all....right now i am doing all I can to get out of bed each morning and putting a smile on my face, just so when I see hom he doesn't think he got the best of me.....life is so unfair and love doesn't hurt it is pure torture.

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riobikini

*W, tell your counselor how you are feeling.*

 

Take time today to make an appt. for a visit, but, while you have his/her office on the phone, go ahead and say *why* you're needing the appointment > the unusually depressed emotions that won't just "go away".

 

-Rio

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etherealism

lily is right it takes time for us to heal. this is coming from a person who just 15 mins ago was crying as if the breakup was yesterday. maybe i am just having a bad week ... we think the pain will never end because others simply want us to "get over it".

 

talk to your counselor about things if it helps you. i even found myself in BEHAVIORAL MEDICINE on my BIRTHDAY this past march. i have a minor in biopsychology so i pretended i was absolutely fine and never went back. i felt like an idiot discussing my eating / sleeping habits in front of a girl 1 yr older than me sporting a huge ass engagement ring. a couple times i talk with a friend who's getting a masters in clinical psych.

 

its always try a new hobby. work out. meet new people. read. go out have fun. i get sick of hearing that ... you attempt to but there are those in between moments where you think of that one person.

 

they say it takes time. and then you wonder, "HOW MUCH TIME?!" and every second, minute, hour, day ... seems to drag on. i wish i could answer your question, but i'm wondering the same thing myself :sick:

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