Still Dealing with my Break Up.....

[ATrain]

Still Dealing with my Break Up.....

First off, I want to thank everyone on this site. You all have helped me tremendously during the last few weeks.

 

Ok, here is my situation, I want to give you the whole story so if you have the time please read on. My girlfriend and I broke up about 6 weeks ago. There hasn't been any communication between us since the weekend after my break up. She was the one that broke it off with me. She told me that I relied on her to much for her happiness, I was insecure, and that I didn't trust her. We were together for a year and during that period we spent practically every day together. As I posted on another board as time went on her behavior started to change. We went from talking about getting engaged to her tellig me she needed space. There were things that she did that really bothered me deep down. I tried talking to her about and explaining how her actions made me feel but she never changed. She jsut became "shady" and told me lies. Here are the details as I posted on another board:

 

 

During the relationship, as time went on there were things that I learned about her that made me a little uneasy. For example, about 2 months after we started seeing each other she came out and told me that when we first started dating she was still seeing her ex-boyfriend. So for the first month of our relationship she was cheating on him with me. During that time we went out about 4 times and and had the most "amazing" dates ever. When I learned of this situiation I let it go. I think I did this because by then I was madly in love with her and I really thought and felt that she was the one with me.

 

However, there was another situation that really never went away and in the end was the cause of the breakup. Here is the deal. One night, about a month after I started seeing her she came to my place and was very upset.I asked her what was wrong and she told me that an ex-coworker ( she was an intern for this man, we'll call him Scot) had been hitting on her all day via email and phone calls. She told me that at the end of it all he said to her " when you are done with this one ( meaning me) you'll come running back to me". She was upset so I comforted her. I asked her that night if there had ever been anything "physical" between them and she said no......( I later learned that this wasn't true). This happened in March of last year. Fast foward to July now...we were hanging out one night and it was around 10 PM. Her cell phone rang and she acted weird.....she didn't answer the call, she just let it go to voicemail. When I asked who it was she told me it was her stepsister. Well I'm embarassed to say that I actully looked at her phone the next day and in fact it was Scot. So she lied to me!! I confronted her on this and we had a big fight. I asked her to tell him to stop calling and she said that she didn't want to lose the "contact" for work purposes. Keep in mind that they no longer work together. I did not like this but I caved and she agreed to just not return his calls. A few weeks later he called again one night late, like around 11. This really got me angry and we had another fight. This time she agreed to tell him not to call anymore. The next day she called and told me that she took care of it. So all was quiet for a while.

 

Now...a couple months later I was out with some friends and I was introduced to a current co-worker of Scot's as my GF's boyfriend. Well this guy went on and on about how much Scot talked about my GF and how close they were, etc. I didn't repsond I just sat there and listened and was a complete gentleman about it. Well the next day Scot calls my GF and tells her that I told the his co-worker that if I got my hands on Scot I was going to rip his throat out. This was complete 2nd grade BS..I never said anything. Well, when she came home she told me about this and we had another HUGE fight. I told her that I felt that she wasn't completely honest about the nature of their relationship. That's when she admitted that on 2 seperate occasions ( while they were still working together and before me) he had tried to kiss her. This infuriated me!! I told her that I wanted to break up with her for her dishonesty. She cried and begged me not to leave her . She told me that she would take care of it for good this time. Needless to say, I caved once again and trusted her with this.

 

I never really trusted her after this. So a couple months later, I again snooped by hacking into her email. Well when I did I saw that there was an email from Scot and she had responded to it that day. It wasn't anything provocative but she obviously was still talking to this man. I felt like this was disrepectful and confronted her on it. I admitted what I had done and she got angry. 2 weeks later we broke up.

 

I know that snooping was bad and I feel awful about it. However, I just felt that her talking to this guy after he made his intentions known to her was really disrespectful of our Realtionship. Do you guys think that I'm insecure or was I justified in snooping? She just lied over and over again. Please tell me what you guys think.

 

 

I'm just having a hard time letting go. I haven't called or emailed her at all. However, I'm constantly thinking about her, dreaming about her, and most of 2nd guessing myself. Can you guys give me some advice on how to deal with my emotions? Ladies, can you tell me if you think I was indeed insecure about everything?

[CaliGuy]

Have you read my guide on second chances? It will help you cope and move on.

 

You also need to work on your confidece, self-esteem and boundaries. Are you seeing a Counselor?

[ATrain]

No, I'm currently not in couseling. Why do you ask that CaliGuy? I