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How are you guys doing. Progress report :


UT_longhorn

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UT_longhorn

Hey everyone. Just wanted to see how you guys are all holding up. How long have you guys been on NC/breakup and how are you doing?

 

I am at 2 months and 12 days. 2 Breaks in NC. What a roller coaster ride its been. So many ups and downs.

 

I can remember the horrors which was the first month. I truly think that was the most emotionally painful thing that I've ever been through. I would be at work, and I would have to leave the office to cry in my car. I would stay at home and lie in my bed being tortured by my own mind. I would go out with friends and fake enjoying myself.

 

The second month was pretty horrible too, but near the tail end, i could tell that the excrutiating pain was not as sharp, and not as immobilizing.

 

Still have a long ways to go. If I saw her today, I would stumble whereas before if I saw her, I would crumble. But as long as I don't hear about her, or see her, I gain points of strength. I'm so glad I found this site and drew on the experiences of the people to implement NC and try my best to stick to it.

 

How are you guys doing?

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I'm on 5 months of NC and I have to say honestly I am feeling rather giddy! I'm shocked at myself. It was rough no doubt about it. But I think to myself OMG, what was I doing with that person??! This came about with a lot of emotional ups and own and tearing down and building myself back up, but damn it was worth it. I see that alot of my reaction to my own 'suffering' was due to some choices that weren't in my best interest, but on hindsight I was operating out of ignorance. So it took hitting rock bottom to figure out if I don't want to keep repeating the same picture and staying in the same pity mode, start some serious self reflection. This doesn't absolve the part where the X action's were less than admirable if not downright malevolent, but I needed to find out why I chose to seek comfort in an relationship that was toxic. I certainly don't miss him. I think I learned alot. Unfortunately it I had to go through the fire to get that lesson but if it didn't hurt I may just keep feeling gloom and doom. Someone pointed out to me that he's no longer hurting me, whatever I am trying to figure out meaning all the why's is me hurting me. That was a great wakeup call.

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RE:

 

InSync: "..it took hitting rock bottom to figure out if I don't want to keep repeating the same picture and staying in the same pity mode, start some serious self reflection.."

 

UT_Longhorn: "...the first month.....was the most emotionally painful....second month was pretty horrible ...near the tail end....the excrutiating pain was not as sharp, and not as immobilizing.

 

Still have a long ways to go. If I saw her today, I would stumble whereas before if I saw her, I would crumble. "

 

Thank you both for posting the above.

 

And sincere, happy 'Congratulations! to both of you in finally making some positive headway through your recovery, -you both have me grinning from ear to ear.

 

My Own Report:

 

I received a phone call from him for the first time since before Christmas '05.

 

I finally told him that I had loved him (still do, -but didn't admit to that), -and also agreed with him that he needed to get professional help for his commitment-phobia.

 

His over-riding response was "You're making me feel guilty".

 

My true thoughts about any guilt he might be feeling, is that it is justified, -and that I certainly have not sought to make him have this feeling, -it's just a natural one to have when you have deliberately misled someone who began to love you, initiated upon the lie you gave.

 

It has more to do with acknowledging the fact you had a responsibility to be honest in your intentions -and didn't- than anything.

 

In addition, it's worth noting that he might be angry about feeling any guilt only because he's strugging with his responsibilty to more honest intentions that he didn't keep, which keeps telling him that he's guilty, -and he might be just projecting the blame to me for feeling that guilt.

 

I do not accept it.

 

I let him talk, -he let me talk, but you can't say everything you want to in a phone conversation.

 

But neither did I want an in-person confrontation, -it would have been too painful, and would have sent me wa-a-a-ay back in my progress in cleansing him from my system.

 

It took me back some, just hearing his voice, but I maintained (forced myself) control of my emotions.

 

I know I could not bear to see him in-person; I still love him deeply, -for me, it's an all-or-nothing thing, -and though he didn't, perhaps, realize it, -nor care- he had all of me.

 

I am determined more than ever to move through this and find myself happier one day.

 

I have faith in myself and the natural turn of life that proves over and over to us that it's inevitable that happiness will re-appear -that we will find it again- and that it can't help but happen.

 

And next time, if I'm lucky, -I will find myself in love with someone who can -and does- love me, too.

 

I still believe in love.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

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She and I chatted over the phone for over 20 minutes at work. It was the longest we ever had for a weekday. And I felt we didn't want to end the conversation.

 

A mutual, well more her friend; needed assistance with her computer. So I said fine. Dinner would be "my reward" and she would join me & her friend.

 

We both know how each other feels and stands. We're supposed to have lunch wednesday. After 3 weeks of "planning" from dinner to lunch. It is her tax season and she doesn't get home till late. So when she is done with tax season, I get my crunch time from finals, papers and graduating with a masters degree.

 

She knows my schedule. I will stay because of her, otherwise move on without her.

 

I still care and love her and practially told her I'm the last guy she'll date before marriage and her date after getting married before the spat.

 

I feel indifferent but still have feelings for her and feel myself. I have not changed much since our spat/NC/break of 2 months. Friendship is something I will not settle for. I want it all friendship, be her husband, lover, "toy", best friend, companion, and she can keep everything mutual. The last few weeks, I have learned that I have the confidence and ability to move on with / without her and can outgrow her but want her to join me in lifes adventures. That I will get better with age. I can regain all my possessions if it is lost or taken.

 

She was very surprised that I was still assertive and firm. After the years of knowing me, this was one of the first times I stood and fought.

 

As long as she still wants a kid, everything would be fine. from the past she didn't want kids.

 

I have gain the ability to walk away, regain focus, and instead of running away; I will stay because I have that feeling that I should try. All the other's the past I have either given up or pulled a disappering act.

 

I know where I have made mistakes and wouldn't make them again. I have a much better understanding of her, walls, barriers, insecurities, and needs. I wasn't there when she needed me.

 

We'll see what happens at lunch or dinner. Again I feel if I stay, her words and actions mean another. She wants love from me and attention from me but say she is to old for me, hair is turning white, broken, I should pursue younger women, etc...

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hurtbeyondwords

5 weeks NC and counting:) week 5 was definatly the most painful. Moving forward though! Thank you to everyone for your posts and support.

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I find that I am constantly reminding myself how feeling sorry for me isn't healthy. So while things could be better, they could be a lot worse.

 

I'm hanging in there. Hope you all are as well.

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It has been a while.

 

I hope everyone is ok. Or s ok as they can be.

 

I have new news. little over two months ago I went out on a date with a girl I have known for a few years, and the long and short of it is that I am now going out with her.

 

I feel more alive than ever and have fallen madly in love, she has also fallen for me in a big way. at first I was scared I wasnt ready but I quickly found I was. Things are more positive nd I can actually find the energy to get up and face the world. My ex is nonexistant to me now, I still hear snippits from time to time and things for her are not going well. I just dont bother concerning myself with her.

 

their is hope out there and when I look back at how I was four months ago I dont recognise myself. I review of how bad I was and I realise that I spent more time beating myself up than anything else.

 

Those times are gone and I see every new day positively and with gladness that I have what I have now with someone new and vibrant, she is everything my ex was not and I cant imagine wht I would be like if I didn have her.

 

Keep the faith guys it gets better.

 

Pain

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Just Visiting

On the 15th it will be six months since I left him. Looking at the past months, they have been tough but a lot of lessons learned. I still miss and think about him. However, I am able to go on with my day with no crying bouts or major emotional tailspins like the first three months. He moved onto another relationship about 2 months after the split. I just heard on Friday by a mutual friend that his new gf was 2 months pregnant but lost the child. He also had his Cherokee stolen and written off. Last but not least, his six year old son has been seriously misbehaving in kindergarten...so it looks like he is going through tougher times now.

 

Hearing that bit of news set me back a bit over the weekend. However, a good friend called me for a Sunday night chat and reminded me why I left in the first place. So I am feeling better and realize that I am stronger than initially thought.

 

The ex and I haven't spoken to each other since early November via MSN. He still kept me on his list which shows that he hasn't let go of me yet. I just figure if he wants to keep tabs on me....go right ahead. Over the six months, I have made new friends and have a lot of travel plans for this year. It is something I wouldn't have done if I stayed in the relationship with him.

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Well I know for sure I am not doing well.He ended it about 2 weeks ago & we are still in contact.He wants to be friends to see how things go as 'just friends'.I am having a hard time w/ this & trying to put the NC into effect,didnt call him or IM him all day yesterday..prayed before I w/ to bed to have the strength to stop thinking about him 24/7 & wanting to call him... & then at 4 AM..My cell goes off & its one of his usual late night texts saying "I see you dont know how to keep in touch"..yah there goes that idea of trying to forget him:mad:

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umm well * holds head down * haha.. na me and my ex have broken up and it really hurts.. but im on a mission to win him back and i will one day..

so we still talk alot e.c.t.

i know its bad every1 says have no contact but im different and its each to there own..

i really hope every1s ok.

x lisa x

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