Jester9983 Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Hi, so this is my second post up here... Anyway, I was seeing this girl for awhile and it got to be really good, but then just like everybody else on here, she pulled away from me and said she needed her space to figure herself out, "don't pressure me" and all that stuff. She said she still liked me and whatnot but kept sending me mixed signals...So we officially ended it almost a month ago, and supposedly she has been thinking for the past month...We have gone on a couple "dates" since then and each time they were incredible (like old times), only to be told again that she was trying to figure herself out...(another good reason for NC, messes you up) So, Monday I sent her an email stating that I still cared about her and our relationship but that I am not going to push anything anymore, she knows how I feel about her and the relationship and now the ball is in her court and basically NC started... Now at the same time, I meet this other girl...and she likes me a lot. Obviously I am not ready for another relationship, but like they say when you are not looking things come along right? What should I do now? She is a really cool girl. I am drawn because I don't know if the girl that I am deeply in love with will come back (who knows, like I said I am not pushing) and I don't want to push this new person away...but I want to make sure I am completely healed and solid before getting serious...so I am stuck! Help me out LS!! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 RE: Jester9983: "....ended it almost a month ago, and supposedly she has been thinking for the past month.........she was trying to figure herself out...(another good reason for NC, messes you up) I am not going to push anything anymore, she knows how I feel about her and the relationship and now the ball is in her court and basically NC started... Now at the same time, I meet this other girl...and she likes me a lot. Obviously I am not ready for another relationship, but like they say when you are not looking things come along right? What should I do now? She is a really cool girl. I am drawn because I don't know if the girl that I am deeply in love with will come back (who knows, like I said I am not pushing) and I don't want to push this new person away...but I want to make sure I am completely healed and solid before getting serious...so I am stuck! Dear Jester, I had to smile as I read your post. Our stories have some striking similarities. I excerpted them, above in quotations. Of course, my 'hero' is a guy, but I think there is enough common ground there, for me to post a reply. I chose an 'transitional' partner, tho, instead of a new 'someone' to begin forging a serious relationship with. I am a 'touchy-feely' person in my private life and need the warmth of human touch whether it's from a serious relationship with long-term potential or not. I need to feel comforted, and connected to a feeling, breathing person and actively looked for someone who was also a contemporary thinker, and somewhat of a 'free-spirit' when it came to understanding and successfully carrying out the role of a transitional partner. It is difficult to find a transitional partner with these traits, but without them, you run more of a risk with either one or the other of you getting too seriously attached, over time, and, at least, one of you winding up heartbroken later on. In my own personal situation right now, and even after all the work that went into my 'shopping around', -it is still questionable whether or not I have chosen the right transitional partner, after all. My wish is not to hurt anyone, and, although the 'criteria' for his becoming the transitional partner has been thoroughly discussed more than twice, now, -and he insists he understands my present 'limitations', -I am still questioning his motives for the enormous amount of care and great effort he is putting into 'soothing' and 'consoling' me and my break-up woes at this point. He is too kind. It could be the sex, -yes, -but it could also be something else, later on: a problem. And that's not a good thing for either one of us. He is a decent, sweet and intelligent person, and I both appreciate and am impressed with his personal qualities, his sincerity, and his character, thus far. The chemistry, tho, is just not there, -not like the ex, -it was phenomenal, (in retrospect, maybe that, too, may have just been my imagination). I know my ex-partner is still present and deeply working in my emotions, though unlike you, I am not considering my transitional partner as having serious long-term relationship possibilities. My situation is exactly like yours, in that, I still have these deep-seated emotional ties, that are still powerful enough to cause me some doubt about letting go of the ex, in an 'internal' sense. Externally, I take control. Several times over the last week, I have had to physically make myself do things so mind-consuming and physically demanding just to drive out those persistent, aggravating, aching thoughts of him, to the point that I thought I would keel over from sheer exhaustion before they left me. I'm OK, now, but there are times.... And I'm sure there will be more. Letting go, or 'getting over' someone takes determination, time, and actively seeking to be free from it. It's a process. Jester, my point, I suppose, is this: only if you know that you know that you've truly let go should you begin a new relationship with someone. If that is not the case, stay away from those who are looking for the long-term serious thing. After all, -you have felt the agony of heart-break yourself and know how devastating the pain can be, -why would you give that to anyone else? I hope I have helped you. And I pray to God that I can help me, too. Take Care. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
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