just posting

[Brittanyjean06]

Haven't really started a thread in the past cuple of weeks- but not that much of an update

 

It's been 5 months now since me and my ex broke up---and yeah the shock can still be there--- i am going through all the phases--- it really is like an emotional roller coaster---- I had a crush on some one--or so i thought i did------but that goes away to......and i guess thats part of the phases you might go through--

 

feels just like yesterday we broke up---- 5 months MEENS crap- time is nothing? I meen i think it might take a year of shock, year of healing lol crazy ----I am so heart broken----lol he hasn't even spoke to me in 5 months-------how cruel---oh welll

 

 

any one else still feel the pain---im sure all of you do-----

[Neptune]

It`s good he has not spoke to you in 5 months. No Contact makes it easier to make the break. Just look foward to the big 2006.

 

There are a lot of guys out there with their eyes on you!

[In Sync]

Haven't really started a thread in the past cuple of weeks- but not that much of an update

 

It's been 5 months now since me and my ex broke up---and yeah the shock can still be there--- i am going through all the phases--- it really is like an emotional roller coaster---- I had a crush on some one--or so i thought i did------but that goes away to......and i guess thats part of the phases you might go through--

 

feels just like yesterday we broke up---- 5 months MEENS crap- time is nothing? I meen i think it might take a year of shock, year of healing lol crazy ----I am so heart broken----lol he hasn't even spoke to me in 5 months-------how cruel---oh welll

 

 

any one else still feel the pain---im sure all of you do-----

 

Yep, you are going through the phase. My breakup was back in April and literally I started the strict NC, 2 months ago. The difference is vast. So yeah the phases I went through, am still going through are rollercoaster-ish but look I still haven't broken it NC and in the long run think its all for the best. I hope in your recovery you stay strong. Don't feel that you are not recovering, I'm coming to accept that it's all part of the healing..even as you say it might take a year! Each person's road may take longer than the other but really would you want to ever return to someone who hasn't cared enough to see how you are doing? That's so basic. To care and find out how a person you were with is doing..and so he has revealed his character just by his lack of concern. Be happy he's out the picture, the way I see it.

Also it's the holiday season that can conribute to this charge of up and down emotional swings...2006 is "No More X !"

[Brittanyjean06]

I still hold on to hope , that one day he will contact me....so i can show him the hurt that he put upon me----thats wrong i know and i guess thats part of the phase to....and when im over it one day i won't even be thinking like that!

 

 

THANK YOU!!!!

[Nikita20]

Brittany:

 

It's been 4 months since our breakup. He dumped me. And, to top it off, he never really explained why. I have no closure and that's the worst torture in the world. Since the break up, he's contacted me once and I've contacted him three times. As the days go on, the harsh reality of him never coming back is settling in. It is so painful. Like yourself, I have this hope. I hope that one day he will realize the mistake he made and come back to me. We had a wonderful relationship--I really don't understand what went wrong. It is all so confusing. But, as each day goes on, I get a little better. There are moments when I break down and cry and this NC in the meantime is complete hell. I guess what we need to do is have faith. Faith that things that will get better. Faith that love will come back into our lives, be it with our ex or someone else. I hold on to that faith, because without it we are lost.

[JS17]

I still hold on to hope , that one day he will contact me....so i can show him the hurt that he put upon me----thats wrong i know and i guess thats part of the phase to....and when im over it one day i won't even be thinking like that!

 

 

THANK YOU!!!!

Sorry that you're hurting sweetie. I feel like this too at times but it lessens as the days go by. I'm at the point now where 95% of the time I feel like I don't want to tell him because it doesn't matter. I've known since, well probably even before we broke up, that he just doesn't care what I put myself through for him or the physical and emotional impact is has had on me and still does. We were friends for a long time before we started dating but now, he's not here for me, he's not a part of my life anymore but my friends and family are. They're here to support me. The anger will eventually subside as it lessens every day. I think you'll see it getting easier as the days go on. Do what you can to release the anger towards him without contacting him...write in a journal, post on LS, etc. You will get there one day soon, I promise. And keep in mind the holiday season is hard for everyone that has lost a loved one so just hang on for another week or so and start the new year off fresh.

[symbol]

Brittany, you are right, it takes a while to heal. In my case, it's been 8 weeks since the break up and 7 weeks since NC. He has not called me even once! He doesn't know how I am doing since he lives in another state. He didn't even bother to see if I was doing okay. And we were together for almost 8 years!!!

 

Both him and I will be going back to our home town for the new year. I don't know if he will contact me at all. I don't know what I would do if he contacted me.

 

I don't know if I still hurt. I guess I do. But it is not he has left me but rather because he is totally ignoring me. I hope some day this will not hurt me.

 

And then, I will have to tell my family and friends that we have broken up. I am a little nervous about that. We'll see how it will turn out.

 

I guess I still hang on to the hope that he will come back and therefore I don't know if I should even "announce" the break up. But, there is actually no rational reason why he should come back to me.

 

Well, I hope all of us will heal soon...

[Brittanyjean06]

Thanks nikk, and js. I am having faith- i am trying to....but i just look at the world so differenly right now...sometimes i just want to be alone - i was so used to being in love...being with him 3 years of my life- So some days im kind of dazed out- im sorry you all are going through this pain to! i have that attitude to people like" ah yeah whatever" like you can tell some days the life has been sucked out of me- I can't listen to music as much----- thats painful you know what i meen?

 

 

8 YEARS?? so much memories i bet huh? :-/ im sorry to here about that-- how can they not cheak up on you......5 months for me ingoring me and everything---- yeah when i first went to school i was nervous , i new all the comments that would be made--and how people will react-- and seeing his new gf their ( who i had a class with....whos name is brittany to) well i could have died

 

 

I hope we all heal soon--- If you love some one, it takes an awfully long time-- It feels werid to have these people who were such a big part of our life-----just not be there any more. Life is werid, and painful and i hope you all have a good chrismas !

[In Sync]

Thanks nikk, and js. I am having faith- i am trying to....but i just look at the world so differenly right now...

I hope we all heal soon--- If you love some one, it takes an awfully long time-- It feels werid to have these people who were such a big part of our life-----just not be there any more. Life is werid, and painful and i hope you all have a good chrismas !

 

I've noticed a common thread from our experiences with the "X's" who just dump us and not talk to us, maybe in their minds it's a 'what's the point in discussing it' attitude. For myself, I see it as basic unkindness. Really, a truly hostile act meant to hurt us emotionally. It leaves us wondering what happened, hurt and humiliated. And not only is it mean, it's cowardly. Afterall the time they spent with us, we don't deserve any last goodbye or it's not working out talk..maybe it won't make the breakup better but at least I could say the ex had some respect for me, and treated me with a dignity. These are mean people who could go off and not even attempt to call us just to show they care. I ask myself could I do it, not tell a person I've been with a goodbye or even try to talk to them after I broke it off. I have never done it and hope never to inflict that kind of hostility on anyone I claimed to have loved.

As the new year approaches think not so much about the ex, but what we each have overcome and learned from these breakups. If and when I meet a future love, his character and within that character kindness is a key element.

We all deserve the best from everybody we meet and nothing less!

[JS17]

I've noticed a common thread from our experiences with the "X's" who just dump us and not talk to us, maybe in their minds it's a 'what's the point in discussing it' attitude. For myself, I see it as basic unkindness. Really, a truly hostile act meant to hurt us emotionally. It leaves us wondering what happened, hurt and humiliated. And not only is it mean, it's cowardly. Afterall the time they spent with us, we don't deserve any last goodbye or it's not working out talk..maybe it won't make the breakup better but at least I could say the ex had some respect for me, and treated me with a dignity. These are mean people who could go off and not even attempt to call us just to show they care. I ask myself could I do it, not tell a person I've been with a goodbye or even try to talk to them after I broke it off. I have never done it and hope never to inflict that kind of hostility on anyone I claimed to have loved.

I had all of these things that I was going to say but I think you really said it best. I had the same experience and I agree with you.

 

As the new year approaches think not so much about the ex, but what we each have overcome and learned from these breakups. If and when I meet a future love, his character and within that character kindness is a key element. We all deserve the best from everybody we meet and nothing less!

I think we all learned quite a bit from these kinds of people. While it would be nice to not have to learn how cruel the world can be it is a sad truth that some of us need to learn the hard way. It doesn't seem like it to us but there are worse things out there. I guess we all have to just learn to be happy with what we have and not what we don't.

[Brittanyjean06]

You both make great points, It's my first time....and just being in love is the greatest feeling ever....i just fell in love with the wrong person--i let my guard down too many times. Time has passed though- and its scary to think it will continue to pass..exactly like this

 

but i am learning alot, hurting alot....and i want to become a better person from this...

 

 

All my friends tell me that he changed me, i have a different outlook on life now....and i dont know how to be the same...but im trying 3 years with someone can really " brain wash" you in to thinking other things.

 

 

 

keep posting ! , ( replying)

[In Sync]

You both make great points, It's my first time....and just being in love is the greatest feeling ever....i just fell in love with the wrong person--i let my guard down too many times. Time has passed though- and its scary to think it will continue to pass..exactly like this

 

but i am learning alot, hurting alot....and i want to become a better person from this...

 

 

All my friends tell me that he changed me, i have a different outlook on life now....and i dont know how to be the same...but im trying 3 years with someone can really " brain wash" you in to thinking other things.

 

 

 

keep posting ! , ( replying)

 

It's wonderful to know that you had the capacity to love so fully, but with that comes the knowledge that in the future blind love can lead to placing ourselves in vulnerable position. I personally think it's nearly impossible to be on guard and say that you will be more careful the next time you fall in love and not let your guard down, because love isn't tepid..it hits you like a mac truck. Wham! You fall in love and your juices get going and you just want to BE with that person. You literally get lost. How do counter that sensation with by being on guard? The other thing to keep in mind is THERE IS NO GUARANTEE from the object of your affection that he will be in the same place with his feelings for you. You can do your best to look out for red flags and nip out of line behavior in the early stages, but when you are in love (we all ignore red flags)

So what to do? Well, we can approach love clinically and scruntinze future potential loves, when feeling of passion arise question from the get go, is this person kind, generous thoughtful. Am I becoming dependent of his affections for my happiness? (that's a big one to watch out for) Am I wanting to be with this person all the time and literally overlooking my own interest when I am with them? Maybe during our relationship we have to ake stock of ourselves periodically and not just think everything is okey dokey and really examine ourselves in the midst of all the passion. We do have minds and we can control ourselves to a rational degree.

[Brittanyjean06]

You are so right!

 

have you been in love more than once!- it really is stronger than your pride....you choose to be with that person....over anything else! and you become blind-....i only hope i can learn from this experience.....to where i do fall in love again.. i can some times snap out of it

 

 

I did some crazy things for this guy, i lost my self for him.

 

Its crazy what chemicals can do in your mind, to put you in love.

 

Love is so blind. I believe that

[Neptune]

Brittanyjean06,

My greatest hope for you this Christmas Day is that in the year ahead you will continue to remain free of drugs. I have seen how often people underestimate how much pressure, from within and others, there is that can bring you back into using.

 

Take the ball and run with it and don`t look back:)

[starblitz]

All my friends tell me that he changed me, i have a different outlook on life now....and i dont know how to be the same...but im trying 3 years with someone can really " brain wash" you in to thinking other things.

 

I feel the same. I feel that while being with him, I have mellowed myself quite a lot. My friends all say that I have 'matured', but I don't know whether it is really maturity or just me being mellow because he is mellow and he doesn't like me being vivacious and loud (which I have to be sometimes because of my line of work.)

 

I'm trying hard now to rediscover myself. I guess, I was comfortable with the way I was with him because I thought it was a natural progression for a person to go through because you are ready to settle down (we were engaged), so you set a different mindset.

 

Now I wonder whether it is all actually natural or something that I molded myself to because he prefers it that way...

 

I miss him terribly though.

 

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas...

[In Sync]

When you're in the full throttle of love you want so much to please the other person that yeah it's easy to see how you become 'brainwashed' by mirroring the other's thoughts and beliefs until you lose sight of what you really feel and think...when they left us we felt completely void and lost, because we've emptied our own well inorder to fill theirs. They walk away full and we who've negelected who we really are are left empty-handed. Not knowing who we are. We now must go through healing and rediscovering what our true needs are. WIthout any influence from them. Until we replenish what we lost to our ex's we just feel confused and befuddled. That's why we want to break NC, or we miss them terribly because they have our energy which we gave them fully.

Only time alone reconnecting and figuring our needs will fill that void.

[Brittanyjean06]

thank you

 

 

It's really hard, what happens after love? after you are so hurt...I can't even describe to you the feelings i have over the memories....they make me want to sersiouly crawl up in a ball and die. I can't move on from all these memories, of us falling in love at 14....now im growing up and haven't talked to my ex in 5 months...Im like falling apart, than getting back up...feeling different.. falling apart,( next month)...gettting back up and feeling different...but the hurt still remains, i feel like he sersiouly died with this silence he has left me with.

 

I just can't cut out my first love out of my life, like he did with me..he gave up on me found someone new.....and im left with this GIGANTIC heart ache.

 

 

There are so many things i want to say to him, but can't he wont listen or talk to me ever..haha

 

thanks for everyones condolences and responses i hope every one here is coping okay.

[In Sync]

thank you

 

 

It's really hard, what happens after love? after you are so hurt...I can't even describe to you the feelings i have over the memories....they make me want to sersiouly crawl up in a ball and die. I can't move on from all these memories, of us falling in love at 14....now im growing up and haven't talked to my ex in 5 months...Im like falling apart, than getting back up...feeling different.. falling apart,( next month)...gettting back up and feeling different...but the hurt still remains, i feel like he sersiouly died with this silence he has left me with.

 

I just can't cut out my first love out of my life, like he did with me..he gave up on me found someone new.....and im left with this GIGANTIC heart ache.

 

 

There are so many things i want to say to him, but can't he wont listen or talk to me ever..haha

 

thanks for everyones condolences and responses i hope every one here is coping okay.

 

Upon reading this I want to ask you something...here is a man you've been with for years. Right? And you both shared the same history together..yet to you the memories are valuable and are difficult to forget. It breaks your heart...my question to you is...why aren't those same memories important to him. Why is his past and history not worth him breaking his silence towards you? My point is, you've chposen to make your memories valuable and dear, the same memories mean nothing to him...Start cutting him out your life because obviously he doesn't harbour the same love or respect for what you had together. He's creating a whole new batch of memores with someone else and my suggestion is for you to say to yourself "ENOUGH..I WILL NOT HURT ANYMORE OVER THIS." Say it everyday everynight and everyday until you really really never need to say it again.

[Brittanyjean06]

I will try that, but im holding on to hope( subconsiouly).... In my head i feel like he rebounded...and one day will wake up with the heart ache---- i just have a vision of us and how we used to be. If i try to tell my self that....trust me it will only bite me in the butt later on...I can't just tell myself to stop hurting i can't do that. Wish i could:-/ 5 months is Not enough time for the hurting to stop... I don't think it will any time soon.

 

Sometimes i have that mind set of" okay he doesn't care any more stop hurting"...." hes not worth the pain" but id only be pretending i was happy...i rather feel the pain than pretend to be happy that would be eery.

 

but your right, i need to move on..and i have moved on i move on every day

 

 

thank you!

[smile95]

I have a really hard time letting go of hope too. Only becasue my ex has left and come back 11 times now, so it is hard to pretend he will notreturn agian...however, if you take one day at a time and move on and say"I am moving on and if it is meant to be, if/when he returns, I will see where my life is at" that way, you move on, but if it is meant to be, you still have a little crack in the door open. Prob not the best advice, but for me, it is too hard to just go cold turkey..loving him one day and nothing the next. It is ok to still love him. no one said you had to stop loving him. I still love many people I dated. Just do not wait on him. Live your life. Crying and missing him will not bring him back. Trust me!!! I have tried! Good luck. You are a pretty girl and will have men beating down your door once you wipe the tears away!

 

I may have missed this, but when did you talk last?

[Brittanyjean06]

Through out our rocky relationship, me and him would get in really big fights and wouldent talk for about a week- in august( witch feels like only yesterday)...we got in a fight, I wrote him hurtful emails........( i pay my debts from them)....and a week later he was with someone else.....i was shocked i had to quit work.....everything was truamatizing for me than.....lol he has turned his cell off....( witch gets turn off every once in a while) i guess??........

 

 

 

 

Haven't spoke to him in 5 months....he wont talk to me or anything.....sad....i havent begged i have been doing good...i guess all those times we didn't talk( for a week?) for shadowed the future......it wasn't a healthy relationship any way

 

but i still adore him in all shape way and form....i think im slowly accepting he isn't coming back to ever talk to me again....but that Hurts so bad....I know you move on......but i feel like he will always be in the back of my head....i feel like i will always feel this hurt for him....its still shocking thanks for listenting to me rant though

[smile95]

I feel the same. We will all get thru it. Mine goes away for months at a time and then we are fine and then goes away again. Inmy situation, I let him wlak all over me and I do not deserve the way he treats me and in yours, sounds like you need to move on. He will realize one day what he lost. The best revenge is to move on. Do not contact him at all. They love that.

[In Sync]

Haven't spoke to him in 5 months....he wont talk to me or anything.....sad....i havent begged i have been doing good...i guess all those times we didn't talk( for a week?) for shadowed the future......it wasn't a healthy relationship any way

 

but i still adore him in all shape way and form....i think im slowly accepting he isn't coming back to ever talk to me again....but that Hurts so bad....I know you move on......but i feel like he will always be in the back of my head....i feel like i will always feel this hurt for him....its still shocking thanks for listenting to me rant though

 

If he's with someone else and it's been 5 months since you last spoke, I think you really need to evaluate how healthy for your state of mind is it for you to lament and pine without realistically putting things in perspective about how do you go on from here. I'm not saying to turn off your feelings of hope, or stop cold turkey in regards to your feeling for him, but agonizing is not hope. Agonizing and obsessing are not constructive actions, in fact they're destructive. You can't mentally go forward in this state of mind. You are indeed stuck.

You can feel equally positive and build yourself up and maintain the hope that one day you two will get together. But what you are doing is clinging in agony and causing yourself mental stress by obsessing over the failure of the relationship. This is hurtful to you. This is by no means a meaure of how much you love him but how little you have for yourself. Do I still have feelings for my ex, yes, but I've worked on maintaining NC, I've looked at what that relationship was and I see how I must go forward despite the emotional toll it took on me when he "dumped" me. Everyday I wake up, and I must live in this body and get through the day. I can keep crying and idolizing what's over and

done with and wishing and praying he'll contact me, but then again look at all that wonderful beautiful time I'm losing by doing that for a man who has left me in the dust. Learn to live with pain but not suffer and become crippled by it. Keep your memories but good lord, think about what gifts you have in store for someone who'll truly love you in return!

[brooke7777]

Brittanyjean...I really relate to a number of things you are saying. Memories are a killer. I feel like I am surrounded with them. I was with my ex for 3 1/2 years and there is just so much history between us. It's like I can't escape him.

 

I feel like I'm stuck in one giant cycle too. One week I think I'm doing ok and then all of the sudden I feel like crap. I still hurt so bad. I don't expect myslef to feel magically better, but sometimes I feel like other people just don't understand why I'm not over this yet. It's very frustrating when you feel like people don't understand you. Sometime I feel like I'm talking to a bunch of people with earmuffs on...they don't really care, nor do they want to listen to what I have to say.

 

I too feel like part of me will always long for him. I fell like I will never truly get over the hurt and pain from the dissolution of this relationship. He is the one that I will always compare everyone else to. He is the one who I truly thought I would be with forever and it's just so hard to accept that that may not be the case anymore.

 

I hope that things get easier for you real soon. Hang in there.

[Brittanyjean06]

thank you

 

 

It is just so awful that i am for real going through this, i always told my self" this would never happen" i look back and it feels like only yesterday me and him started going out ( 14).....It also scares me of how much time has passed...this pain is just so brutal to my heart....like i feel like i could go up to someone and cry for mercy...

 

I am just totally shocked he has not talked to me..I feel so bruised , I just have never suffered this way be fore..and i know it will be a long long long time for the hurt to stop...

 

every one says...nothing hurts worse than your first love...some times i feel like i can't breath you know what i meen?

 

 

I know not to hold done to hope, but i am holding on to hope that he will talk to me one day....but your right....you learn how to live with pain....and i meen might as well be happy, and sit back and "enjoy the ride"....

 

so many people have it off worse, and thats what scares me this is something that hurts so bad, that life can be so hurtful some days

 

 

but thanks alot guys,hope you both hang in there