rubbed the wrong way over ex

[teethbrushes]

I guess I just need to vent to people who will understand. I've totally exhausted my resources at another board because they feel like I'm being silly and stubborn and 10.5 months on, I shouldn't even care.

 

My deal? I do still care about my ex a lot yes, and I do still kind of like him LIKE THAT, but it doesn't interfere with my life. I don't have to side-step sidewalks when I see him, and I can go out with other guys and have...I just have always had trouble meeting people, which is really scary to me. I'm intelligent and beautiful, but I've always had problems with guys just because I'm so incredibly picky. My ex was my first real relationship (and I was his), but he left me rather quickly, etc.

 

When we first broke up, he wanted to remain friends. I said no. I didn't see him for several months and I started to get over him and dated someone else. Now I see him everyday and he is friends with many of my friends.

 

The issue? Well, I get very annoyed by the fact that he treats me funny, when he is the one who did not want to be with me in the first place. He acts like I rejected him, which i did not, only later I told him I was happy we broke up at that time because of certain things.

 

For example, when mutual friends get together, he has an issue with me being there. His rebound girl whom he is no longer with, can be there and he has no issue. With me, its a whole other song and dance.

 

He freezes up around me. Turns red when he talks to me. Stares at me. We had a talk about making things not awkward and he said he couldn't be friends with me right now, but maybe later, but that he missed me and still held a lot of respect for me as a person. He tells everyone we dated and they know we're exes. I've never heard a negative comment about me come back from his mouth....and I know he can say some pretty harsh stuff about people.

 

I'm just heavily annoyed with this because its like I'm getting rejected again. Everyday I keep hearing what a great guy he is by mutual friends and how he is one of the nicest people they know, yadda yadda...and he like can't have anything to do with me without dying a little bit.

 

I understand a desire to keep things in the past, but at the same time, that denotes that you are okay with it and can at least be in the same room as your ex without staring, turning red, and being generally awkward.

 

I guess I generally get most annoyed by the fact that I requested him to be my friend on myspace and he denied me. But then still talks to me, etc. and tells people we dated and blah blah blah.

 

When I questioned a friend about it, they said it was probably because when we broke up, I made a HUGE deal of it, which I did for a couple of months and then I sort of stopped talking about it and I've made it clear to him its not a big deal. I don't contact him often (only when I have to), I politely say hi to him when I see him, I don't talk to many people about how this bothers me, and I've said I can be friends with him without falling for him again. So I don't see how me making it a big deal 7 months ago is a problem still. The same person who said that destroyed her ex's room, and they still talk...and I didn't do anything near that crazy or weird.

 

I don't know why I'm even writing this...it just REALLY annoys me and I don't understand what's going on. I mean I didn't do anything but get dumped by him and somehow I have the plague, yet his rebound he can hang out with and not go crazy, even though there's nothing going on between them.

 

AHHHH...