jacked17 Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Breaking up with your first love has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. I have so many regrets about things I did terribly in the relationship. I didn't treat her right. I never showed her the love and affection I should've shown her at all. How could I? I didn't know how to. I've never been in a relationship before so I didn't know to act or what to do. I was never shown affection or love growing up. I had to deal with my parents never showing each other love. I had to deal with them fighting all the time. I had to deal with my mother's depression and never being there for me. I had to deal with my father's rage and anger and I never wanted to cross him. I hate to come here with this poor me attitude but I have so many regrets about my relationship. I never realized how much your childhood and different things you've seen for 22 years can shape you are in a reltionship. So many people have told me to take it as a learning experience to grow another relationship. How can I do that? The one person I want and the one person that was there for me and loved me doesn't love me anymore. Yeah I know there's other girls out there but none that I will ever fall for like her. I have so much pent up rage and anger towards her for the way she treated me but I deserved it. I never did the things she wanted me to do. All I had to do was show her affection, love, and ask her how her day was and things would've been different. I just can't believe I messed up yet another aspect of my life. Why couldn't I just have realized this when I was with her? I have so many regrets about hurting her and never just being happy. It's not that I wasn't happy with her because I was so in love with her. I wasn't happy with myself. I don't think I've ever been happy with myself and I basically ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me. For so long I always told myself I would never repeat the mistakes of my parents. I never wanted to do the things they did. Of course I fell into that cycle. However I felt like I could never control it. I became so obsessed with someone and I became so needy of them and I never thought they would leave no matter what I did. She found someone a lot better than I am and that was that and she moved on without even caring. I would do anything to go back but I can't. Now I'm stuck living my life and having to worry about the one that got away. I miss her so much and I can't believe it's all over and it has to be the most painful thing I've ever gone through. Sorry about this rant but I'm not doing well and I feel like no one can understand what I'm going through. Link to post Share on other sites
Painwraith Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Dont say that. You are good enough you can be what you want to be so figure out what you want to be like, make a life plan and bloody stick to it! you can be whatever you want.... you can be as good as you want. Dont wallow in self pity or ill hit you with a long piece of two by four until you get it into your head YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH! Link to post Share on other sites
BrknHrt Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Damn jacked, reading your post is like hearing myself talk. I know its hard right now, especially if she's moved on but the people on this board are caring and easy to talk to. Keep posting on here, there are more people out there that are feeling what you're feeling and are glad to try and help you through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Selections1 Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 reading what you wrote explained everything i have been thinking and feeling for a while, you not the only one im in the exact situation as you and just like u i have no idea what to do.... worst thing for me is its exam time so im constantly alone and studien in the quite and we all know what you think about in those situations...i found it best to go out and make some new friends i found some new ones that go clubbing every week if not twice a week and i go with them and become close with one of them and that lets me forget about her the whole weekend..besically do whatever you need to, to get your mind off the person Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Same here...just when I think I got a handle on things...I see something that reminds me of him and BAM, the floodgate of emotions are open again. I really miss him but I think he is talking to someone new and it hurts like hell. I pulled out my "Life Strategies" book by Dr. Phil and decided that I need to get out of this slump somehow. I just don't like being alone during the holidays, last year we spent it together with his family and 5 yr old son. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacked17 Posted December 9, 2005 Author Share Posted December 9, 2005 I wish I had a handle on this whole thing. It's shattered my whole world. I don't know why either. I just have this obsessive personality and I was completely obsessed with her. I just am having so much trouble. I've been in 2 car accidents in almost 4 weeks because I've been a wreck and doing harmful things to myself. I just can't believe it came to this. She's fine and with someone else and my whole world is upside down. I'm going to see a friggin shrink on tuesday and she's OK with this whole thing. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 It's amazing. On one hand we have the men whom are here because they weren't affectionate enough. On the other hand we have men here who were overly affectionate, downright suffocating. I wish there was a tutorial on being balanced. I mean, we all need to have hobbies, interest and friends outside of the relationship. But striking that delicate sense of balance seems to me to come easily to some and to others (like me) it's very hard to find. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 cali guy, its not so complex as youre making it. you just have to stop trying so hard to please. of course that will come naturally when you feel better about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacked17 Posted December 9, 2005 Author Share Posted December 9, 2005 I think the signs are there for all of us to see. Some people are good at communicating those and others aren't. Some can't help it others can. It's really hard to strike that balance. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 cali guy, its not so complex as youre making it. you just have to stop trying so hard to please. of course that will come naturally when you feel better about yourself. I admit I tend to over-analyze things. I wish I analyzed more BEFORE I did things than after with much so much regret. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 live in the present forget the past. how is it going to help you to keep beating yourself up? stop creating an identity "i over analyse, i am a doormat...etc" so what? it is done. dont do it again. thats it. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 live in the present forget the past. how is it going to help you to keep beating yourself up? stop creating an identity "i over analyse, i am a doormat...etc" so what? it is done. dont do it again. thats it. I know. It's easier said than done though. It's not like I don't want to say "to hell with her and what happened." In fact, I dream of it. But to actually get my mind and my heart in sync, that's another issue alltogther. I went to counseling at one point and they said the same thing we're all saying here. I know what I have to do. I do believe time will heal. It's too fresh right now and I should be working. I'd actually love to go home right now and go work on some of my projects. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacked17 Posted December 10, 2005 Author Share Posted December 10, 2005 Did the counseling help because I have an appointment to talk to someone on Tuesday. My parents thought it was a good idea because my life has been an absolute train wreck lately. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 Did the counseling help because I have an appointment to talk to someone on Tuesday. My parents thought it was a good idea because my life has been an absolute train wreck lately. Yes, it helps but in a nutshell this is what they told me: a) Get over her, now. b) Cut her out of your life and her family. c) Excercise, a lot. d) Starting hanging out with friends. e) Start dating other women There you have it. Thousands of dollars later and they're telling me the same thing LS had been telling me from the start. The one thing they don't do is beat around the bush or tell you what you want to hear. I do recommend it because they also will suggest ways to help you get on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacked17 Posted December 10, 2005 Author Share Posted December 10, 2005 I can do all of those things. I mean I was going to the gym consistantly and chillin with my friends every night. However when I leave them my mind still races and I still can't get her out of my thoughts. I'm not happy when I'm done with those things because I'm alone. I can't date another girl because every girl I've met lately all I've done is brought up things about my ex. It's very frustrating. I definetly hope it helps because in the last few days I've just realized a lot of other stuff that I have to deal with that I think is going to come out during this counseling session. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 dont deny whay you are feeling to yourself, but just accept it as something you are feeling. cali guy when i said forget about the past i didnt mean just get her out of your mind, i meant stop beating yourself up about what you did during the relationship. you cant just shove feelings away. you can though just accept them, and live in the moment. try meditating for racing thoughts, soon enough you will observe your thoughts instead of following them all and reacting to them all. Link to post Share on other sites
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