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Ex offers to help me financially


francis

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can anyone shed any light on what this might suggest?

 

we were long distance, hoping to be together after i graduate from uni next year. his financial situation is very good, he owns his own business. i am a lowly student up to my eyes in debt.

 

we broke up in May but are still in regular contact (i dont expect sympathy because i have failed miserably at NC...his father was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago and he turned to me for support).

 

he offers to give me money. what would you do? opinions would be much appreciated.

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Turn him down.. Borrowing money from friends, family and or (ex)lovers causes nothing but problems..

 

Even if he says it's a gift it really won't be one day and if he says you can pay it back .. One day you won't be paying it back fast enough..

 

Never lend or borrow money from anyone other than your parents.. and even then there are normally strings attached ..

 

If by chance you decide to let yourself be bought by your ex then make sure it is all in writing and the terms are written down as well as if you are paying interest or not.

 

Notarized !!

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slubberdegullion

Quick clarification: I assumed this was a loan, not a gift. A_C is correct about getting the terms all down on paper.

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his exact words are 'are you doing ok in terms of money? let me know if you need any of my help'.

 

i used to accept his help in the past because we were very much in a place whereby it was 'our' money...he used to get upset if i turned him down because he would interpret that as if i were trying to vehemently stay independent and resisiting dependency on him... i think he liked the idea he was taking care of me that way, as if that were his responsibility. it was never seen as a loan in the past.

 

he dumped me yet he still wants to help me out...i just dont know how to read this.

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I say don't accept the money. Thank him for the offer and be grateful to the fact that he and you are still able to communicate. And that he called you in his time of need shows he cares.

He is probably feeling mixed emotions about his dad and what his father is going through so lots of things can be said during emotional upheavals.

 

It's tempting to accept the money in your own times of need, but money comes between the best of people...don't give in to this gesture. Show inner strength and find a way to do it on your own. You'll feel better in the long run. Being independant is not a slap in anyone's face and if he's sees it as such already that's going to be a sign that the money didn't come with strings attached.

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His intentions may be well meaning, but I agree money situations can cause problems between even close family members or friends, even if it's arranged through an attorney. Being currently on good terms with him is no guarantee that your friendship with him may be on the downside or ended by the time you are able to pay him back in full. Overall, it's a risky idea.

 

Tell him you appreciate that he's willing to be there for you when he's going through his own rough times, but you are doing fine.

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