brittanyjean259 Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 I have read many information on rebound relationships.. i would just love to read everyones's input on rebounds ... and here is 1 question to "...how do you think a rebound relationship will interfer with the healing process"... i know time by your self is better...but i would like peoples opinions thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
legrtova Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 I think you would not heal properly and carry that garbage into a rebound relationship just to find your self disappointed and hurt at the end again. Yeah, it's easier to forget about someone when you find someone new, but when that serves its purpose, a person either moves onto a 'better catch' or gets dumped again...vicious cycle. I believe healing periods (no matter how much they suck...and they do) are vital for a future healthy relationships...it gives you an inside on YOU, allows you to spend time with you and get to know you. L. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brittanyjean259 Posted October 10, 2005 Author Share Posted October 10, 2005 thanks! any more inputs dating other people is fine..but making your self beleive all these things isnt)rebound) Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Sometimes a rebound relationship can be a God-send. I'll never forget the sweet young thing that took my mind off my divorce after my first wife and I split. Both she and I knew it wasn't going to be a long term thing, but the 8 months I had with her was, well, how do I put this? I almost died of dehydration... Does the phrase, "golf ball through a garden hose" mean anything? Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Be careful if you still have any feelings for your ex though. I did this once, broke up with my girlfriend, got with someone new two weeks later, was with her for about 2/3 months.. Felt like all the feelings I had for my ex were transferred to the new girl, felt like we were in love etc. then suddenly i literally woke up one morning with her in bed next to me and felt nothing, like someone had pushed a switch to off.... then missing my ex started.. and got really bad... of course, she'd moved on by then, but it felt like the break-up had just happened to me, 3 months later. Messed up the new girl a lot, I felt awful for doing it.. luckily she is now my best friend and has a new guy etc. so turned out ok, but at the time it was the worst i ever felt. Rebounds are bad news for everyone involved! Link to post Share on other sites
sadfish Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Would we all agree though that rebounds are defined as getting involved with someone a few weeks after a break up? I ask this cos i too wonder if we really all aren't just rebounding with every break up. I guess if you do spend time alone, reassess your life, needs, wants, maybe casually date someone during that process, but NOT have sex, then it might not be considered a rebound? Is a rebound thing involving sex or not? That's what confuses me. I mean i had a rebound fling about a month after my break up which made me feel horrible for the reboundee and for myself, and it was a sexual thing. While my ex is having a "non relationship" as he calls it with this new girl, sexual, and has been seeing her casually (once a week) for about 3 months now--so is she a rebound? (we dated for about 4 months, so maybe *I* was the rebound from his last relationship? so wouldn't that suggest that this new girl is a rebound from me? He and i saw one another about 3-4 times a week...is there any real difference though?) I have learned for me, rebounding to be bad...i know i feel too much for my ex still, the thought of being with someone else at this moment makes me feel ill, and i feel very badly about the men i have seen since, have apologised to them for it, but nonetheless, still "regret" moving on so fast. I ended things very promptly though. All i know is it's hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brittanyjean259 Posted October 10, 2005 Author Share Posted October 10, 2005 YES IT is hard. relationship break ups are terrible... how long did him and his ex go out for? you could be the rebound but are you that hurt??... i put a new thread...it just says that..my ex and his new girl are living togher and the girl now tells peole there so happy together.. when deep down i know my babe, he might think he is happy now but from other peoples views i hope he wakes up and it hurts so bad.. i just recently saw him in the car and he saw me i said HEYYYYYYY and he smiled at me than said damint like he wasnt supposed to say hey... the thing is after a break up every1 comes attracted to you..it so sucks but atleast i realize a day later i can be feeling icky about the person instead of a cuple of months later... i just want some true friends right now even a guy maybe thanks for everyones input Link to post Share on other sites
sadfish Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 how long did him and his ex go out for? you could be the rebound but are you that hurt??... He was with his ex before me for 8 years, but he and i didn't start seeing one another til 5 months after that break up, but he was certainly not over her...there were definitely issues within our relationship about that. I am quite hurt still, our relationship was a very intense 4 months, we were inseparable for the first month and a half, he has a daughter with whom i became very close to. I feel rather replaced, and i know that most of the issues with why i am still hurt are *my* issues. I want him back, want to try again/start over, but now obviously isn't the time, might never be the time, but he and i are trying to be friends for a few reasons. the thing is after a break up every1 comes attracted to you..it so sucks but atleast i realize a day later i can be feeling icky about the person instead of a cuple of months later... This is SO true. I swear, since the moment we broke up, i've been meeting guys, went out with a few, but i'm in that zone where they aren't my ex, they aren't interesting enough, they aren't dazzling me, they aren't enough to make me want to pursue something. I hurt a couple of guys (hence, the rebound thing) and i know i'm scared of being hurt and hurting someone else right now. I just need time to heal, and dating someone new doesn't seem like it would work for me at this time. The weekends are the worst for me still, 3 months later, but i would rather be with my friends or be alone currently than make another mistake by going out with someone new "just because", you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brittanyjean259 Posted October 11, 2005 Author Share Posted October 11, 2005 yeah YOUR SO right, to tell you the truth and i think this is a good thing for me...yeah im more like" interested in guys more flirtatious..but than a day later its ilke ughh im more interested in meeting a cool awsome like girlfriend( as a friend)...thats what makes me really really happy...gettin in to another relationship...tahts just horrible i think...ive missed out on girlfriends and meeting them and new people do make me happy...but when something goes wrong...i think of my ex...but than im just like wait everything goes wrong in life sometimes cant always draw back to the ex...he wasnt too great eather... rebounds arent the only thing that can take your mind off your ex...friends can ( the ones that can make you laugh)...and tahts healthy... im sorry about your rebound thing mine rebounded lol and their lvign togther! Link to post Share on other sites
off2sea Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 I'm also dealing with the rebound issue. I started seeing someone about 2 months ago who suddenly seemed the perfect cure for climbing out of a rut. She was bright, pretty, and always on the go wanting to do things. Totally took my mind off my ex. Over the last week or so, she has suddenly distanced herself with no explanation. I tried to talk to her about it and actually express my feelings, that backfired completely. So when the rebound person turns out not to be that wonderful, exciting person- suddenly you're faced with two losses. Aggggg!!! If you're going to hook up- great, but you must keep things very, very casual and not allow yourself to get involved. Link to post Share on other sites
darkknight Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 Sometimes a rebound relationship can be a God-send. I'll never forget the sweet young thing that took my mind off my divorce after my first wife and I split. Both she and I knew it wasn't going to be a long term thing, but the 8 months I had with her was, well, how do I put this? I almost died of dehydration... Does the phrase, "golf ball through a garden hose" mean anything? Stop it hurts too much, I hear you cry. I agree with slubber. As long as you are honest with yourself and your rebound about it probably not being serious then you can really heal alot quicker if you are not obsessing about the previous situation Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 Stop it hurts too much, I hear you cry. Uh, by "dehydration" I wasn't actually referring to tears. I meant, uh, errr, other, uh, body fluids... She was very highly sexed. Link to post Share on other sites
darkknight Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 no i got that part! just thought the golf ball passing would bring a tear to the eye please kids don't try that at home Link to post Share on other sites
off2sea Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 And that is an amazing cure-but- be really careful not to bond with them emotionally. Thats where the trouble starts. Link to post Share on other sites
darkknight Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 just take your time and be honest - same as any other relationship...... Do unto others as you would have them do unto u - wise words! Link to post Share on other sites
off2sea Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 To make matters worse, I am supposed to take the "rebound" one out for a nice birthday dinner tomorrow night. Do I go anyway and play it just as cool as she has for the last 2 weeks, or do I just cancel and look like a fool. She doesn't think anything is wrong! Link to post Share on other sites
temelkov Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 I'm pesonally holding all the pain in the world because of my break up and personally, I would not involve any one in my life at this point. I need to pick myself up, start living again and regain my confidence before I can date... I think thats the way to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
darkknight Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 it's tough my friend. talk to her. if she doesn't wish to talk respect that. but then back off way off. let her come to you be a positive challenge. If you need to talk then you need to communicate that, but don't come on heavy. Be concise and to the point. Be a strong man. And then never mention it again. But always be a positive challenge. Link to post Share on other sites
off2sea Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 Thanks...I think I will go and make sure I look my absolute best and be charming and carefree. It's amazing how much a bad break up 11 months ago can rattle one's self confidence. Time to get that back! Link to post Share on other sites
darkknight Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 that's the spirit...... keep us posted on how the evening goes. Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 in my experience, rebound didn't work. kept comparing to my ex, was emotionally really unprepared for the intense feelings for my ex it brought up. his rebound didn't work either, which i was secretly glad about. i guess you can't expect too much from rebounds. they are just a way of trying to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
darkknight Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 how long did you date your ex SO helena Link to post Share on other sites
semi Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 I myself am usually to hurt and despondent after a bad break up to even have feelings for another girl, let alone look desirable. I think you would have to find someone who is pretty amazing to completely fill that hole in. But I had a huge revelation the other day and this might help. I realized that I was doing pretty good for myself before I met my most recent ex. It took a long time but I looked back and thought about how comfortable and lazy I became when we were together. Granted this may not be the case for everyone in relationships, but I think it is pretty common. I feel like I was a bit like a zombie. Over the past few months I have had to myself I have learned more about myself, others, and relationships in general, although this was the most painful break up of my life to this point, I am much better for it. I have figured things out on my own and I am doing great, I'm getting there. It takes a long time but it is worth it. Learn about yourself, don't try to hide from your emotions, baggage, or whatever in a new relationship, they will end up creeping up on you later. Link to post Share on other sites
darkknight Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 I myself am usually to hurt and despondent after a bad break up to even have feelings for another girl, let alone look desirable. I think you would have to find someone who is pretty amazing to completely fill that hole in. But I had a huge revelation the other day and this might help. I realized that I was doing pretty good for myself before I met my most recent ex. It took a long time but I looked back and thought about how comfortable and lazy I became when we were together. Granted this may not be the case for everyone in relationships, but I think it is pretty common. I feel like I was a bit like a zombie. Over the past few months I have had to myself I have learned more about myself, others, and relationships in general, although this was the most painful break up of my life to this point, I am much better for it. I have figured things out on my own and I am doing great, I'm getting there. It takes a long time but it is worth it. Learn about yourself, don't try to hide from your emotions, baggage, or whatever in a new relationship, they will end up creeping up on you later. Hear this love shacker they know what they are talking about. A major part of being a positive challenge is being happy in your own skin. Follow your goal, desires and aspirations with complete focus. NOONE can replace you no matter how hard you try! That way lies maddness. I think Oscar Wilde once said the benefit of self love is that there is no competition (something like that) Link to post Share on other sites
off2sea Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 Hey Dark- I love that term "Positive Challenge!" As a matter of fact I have written it down on a sticky note and put it on my computer. Can you elaborate a bit more on that theory? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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