PureAppleJuice Posted September 16, 2019 Share Posted September 16, 2019 This is my story here, for background : https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/689254-constant-push-pull-finding-hard-recover-break-up ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I wonder if anyone here has experienced this feeling of being ‘stuck’ - I can only really articulate it best as sort of hitting a wall in terms of healing. I don’t feel much sadness, but I do feel a LOT of there being no true ‘end’, as if things were left hanging, so to speak. The last contact I had with my ex was after this person shouted at me in front of their family, then there was intermittent contact, then this person said we could attempt to be friends. After that, I was avoided both in person and in messages. I really understand that exes don’t speak anyway, this is not my first relationship. I just feel completely stuck. Another key issue I think is that we are both attending university together in less than three weeks. Since I’ve known this person, they have distanced themselves repeatedly, then come back when uni begins. Perhaps it is the possibility of this happening again that’s keeping me stuck? I think also, after talking to many people about this, it's really obvious that this person just ended things for no reason over something that could have been sorted out/didn't need to happen. I've been cut out of this person's life for no real reason, that's how I feel. That seems to be how most people view the situation, too. It feels odd and strange that this person will just never talk to me again - nothing HAPPENED. I think I feel as if once this person sees me, they’ll be triggered into speaking to me again - I don’t think I necessarily want to enter a relationship with this person again but I would ideally like to at least have some sort of acknowledgement from them. That’s what I think may be keeping me stuck, also. I really don’t know. Then I’ve thought about sending a short email expressing how I’ve felt - I don’t expect a response, but I feel as f maybe getting it off my chest would help. I’ve written letters to myself etc, doesn’t help. I just feel like I've hit a wall, and want to get over this 'hump', but I don't know how to. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 From the beginning, she made clear she was interested as friends. If she became something more, she was likely still only lukewarm. If I were you I'd avoid her at uni because she's just fine with talking to you as a friend and you're not able to handle that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PureAppleJuice Posted September 17, 2019 Author Share Posted September 17, 2019 (edited) From the beginning, she made clear she was interested as friends. If she became something more, she was likely still only lukewarm. If I were you I'd avoid her at uni because she's just fine with talking to you as a friend and you're not able to handle that. OK, I'm gonna have to disagree a bit now. You stated this on another post of mine, and I don't believe she was only interested as a friend. She has friends. She doesn't sleep with them, or spend every day at their houses. I'm unsure why she would choose to take that route with me, I'm unremarkable and not that amazing that she would have to sleep with me/be around me almost 24/7 just to be my friend. She wasn't fine talking to me as a friend - she suddenly avoided all contact with me after telling me she wanted to be friends - something I said "OK" to and was fine with - which is something she has regularly done. She has stated herself that she has intimacy issues and has distanced herself from two other friends (that she didn't sleep with). Any contact I made with her was platonic, for example asking her how she got on with grades, etc. I was ignored, which is something she has done intermittently since I've known her. I don't think it has anything to do with the break up, but more that it is just her pattern of operating. Again, I am not the only person she interacts with like this - I know this from two other people that have known her. Perhaps it is true that she wasn't into me as much as I was her, then I don't know why she pursued me, or wanted to spend almost every day at my house, joke about marriage, introduce me to her family, etc. To me, that isn't how people who aren't into someone act. She wasn't cold, didn't show me 'lukewarm' interest. She would message me every minute of the day, from morning to night. I have been in situations where someone isn't interested, taking ages to reply - this wasn't that. I believe she has problems with relationships and intimacy, which is what she herself told me, and what her actions show me. I didn't pursue her; I didn't even know who she was until she kept introducing herself to me in class. I never noticed her and had no idea she was even in the class. She took it upon herself to keep introducing herself. And the 'friends' thing she later told me was a "test" to find out whether I was interested in her or not, as she was interested in me but didn't want to say so. I don't know what her issue is, but I don't believe it's that she just wanted to be friends. She did most of the pursuing, and I think I am able to see when someone wants a friendship and when they want to have sex with me/are interested romantically. I get what you're saying, but I do feel a little offended; I can tell the difference between platonic and romantic. I'm not sure why you keep commenting with this "lukewarm" statement, it was actually the opposite. Intense, a lot of sex and affection, almost 24/7 time spent together, constant messaging. What is lukewarm about that? Edited September 17, 2019 by PureAppleJuice Link to post Share on other sites
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