blanchedroses Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 (edited) He reaches out 6 months later having ghosted me multiple times and lead me on over an 18 month period. This time, I give him the cold shoulder and state he’s akin to a roach. He replies with several hostile texts claiming I’m “not worth it” and “don’t bother” because he “doesn’t need me” and there are multiple people he knows that don’t call him a roach. I remind him that he contacted me, and he proceeds insinuating that he’s the victim because he was reaching out to see how I am. Then he tells me off because I called him a roach. He’s said I’m “not worth it” but he had to send several text messages to ensure that I am the one who is rejected in the end. I was giving minimal responses to his messages, tried to show I’m not phased. He seemed more emotional than I am in this instance. What is going on? He starts out being pleasant and when I don’t respond the same (because I’m hurt) he becomes hostile and vindictive. Edited April 22, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 What does roach mean as far as an insult? I have never heard that term in name calling. And Block this guy. He seems like a loser who needs to grow up big time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blanchedroses Posted April 4, 2019 Author Share Posted April 4, 2019 Roach = a cockroach ☺️ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 I got the roach reference! Block him from contacting you. While you give him access, you give him power. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 What is going on? He starts out being pleasant and when I don’t respond the same (because I’m hurt) he becomes hostile and vindictive. Maybe he didn't like his pleasantries reciprocated by being insulted and given the cold shoulder? Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 I'm not sure what kind of douche ghosts a woman then hits her up again 6 months later, but I think it's kind of funny you hurt his tender feelings. Just ignore the guy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 Maybe he didn't like his pleasantries reciprocated by being insulted and given the cold shoulder? Yeah, he's pretty clueless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 My guess is that EITHER he does care a lot and he is very hurt that you are not falling all over him. Some guys when hurt do not have the emotional capacity or maturity to share that hurt, so instead get angry and lash out. OR he is somewhat entitled and expected you to just roll over and give him what he wants and when you didn't, he is threw his toys out of the pram... I think that as he hurt you a lot in the past then perhaps you just don't need the drama full stop. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 This is your fault for not blocking him from contacting you after he has ghosted you multiple times. Why wasn't he blocked, why did you engage, why do you care? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blanchedroses Posted April 4, 2019 Author Share Posted April 4, 2019 I guess I am hurt that he’s the one who did wrong by me, and now he’s the one telling me to “*uck off”. I held high hopes about his potential, based on the person he “pretended to be” all along. I could’ve expressed my feelings in a profane way, but because of the way I am I tried to spare his feelings. To my detriment really. So I guess that’s why I care. I’m just trying to make sense of being screwed over, and him having the last word. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 (edited) Be glad he's gone then. Sounds like the "real" him would have become problematic sooner or later anyhow. In my view getting the last word doesn't really matter - it doesn't make anyone more correct, it's mostly just an annoyance that is usually easy to get over (maybe less for you in this particular situation). Anyhow, I think the real thing here is the silver lining, which is that it makes it that much easier for you to move on to something better... Edited April 4, 2019 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 He's bitter and butthurt, that's all, and it's probably mostly when he's horny and maybe drunk, TBH. I've done something like reaching out years later myself, and it was a mistake, and it wasn't to get back together. It was someone who had been a friend first. He demanded to be with me during his divorce which I did not cause. I was stil hung up on a recent ex, very traumatic ending, and now working with the ex. So my mind was on the ex when -- we'll call him Blake -- came round demanding to be together. So of course that didn't last. I broke up with him. It was never right. It is my one big regret, agreeing to be romantic with a friend I valued. So 20 years later, I just wanted to kind of apologize and explain and I told him, Look, I wasn't in any state of mind to be in another relationship. I was still hung up the ex and working with him and having trouble with all that emotionally. Then I wished I hadn't done it because not too long after, it occurred to me that he would have KNOWN that if he'd EVER ONCE inquired into what was going on with me before demanding to be together at the worst possible time for both of us just to make him feel not alone. I did talk to him about the breakup as a friend prior but he always changed the subject and looked constipated, so I never went in depth and he never asked. So he didn't take me into consideration at all before he came for me, so I basically took back (the apology) and passed that message to him through out mutual friend, and he didn't take it well and wrote a song. Oh, well. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 I guess I am hurt that he’s the one who did wrong by me, and now he’s the one telling me to “*uck off”. I held high hopes about his potential, based on the person he “pretended to be” all along. I could’ve expressed my feelings in a profane way, but because of the way I am I tried to spare his feelings. To my detriment really. So I guess that’s why I care. I’m just trying to make sense of being screwed over, and him having the last word. Why would you hold high hopes about his potential when he's ghosted you multiple times? He had shown you what he would do and who he was. Why didn't you block him so he could no longer reach you with nonsense? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 This is an immature and toxic cycle. You can't fix the situation. You can't fix or change him. What you can fix or change is you and how you deal with it. Block and delete his number and social media, etc. and focus on you and your life as a strong, secure woman with a rich and full life to lead. You are wasting your time and emotion on a "roach". He doesn't deserve to have that kind of power over you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 I’m just trying to make sense of being screwed over, and him having the last word. Blocking him will give you the last word. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blanchedroses Posted April 21, 2019 Author Share Posted April 21, 2019 He is a typical Mr Unavailable. We were close once and we’d text all the time. I was coming out of a destructive relationship and soon our involvement became romantic. Despite his advances and “promises”, he was just unable to commit to a relationship with me. Just as things got to “the crunch” he’d panic, come up with some BS excuse to step back and ghost me. Despite his apologies, this happened twice. Then the third time he tried to start the BS cycle, pretending as though nothing happened... I was wiser and declined his repeated advances to meet up. Third time. Fourth time. You get the idea. We were never sexual. It’s been two years since this all began. He’s remained single, searching online to date and casually hook up. After the second time he “bolted and ghosted”, he began communicating with this woman overseas. I could see their contact and interaction online increasing in intimacy, until most recently she’s declared she’s in a “relationship” on Facebook followed by posting “love songs” all over her profile. Mind you, they’ve NEVER met in person but they’ve maintained communication online for over a year. During the last twelve months however, he’s continued to contact me in a flirty way (non-reciprocated) and even lashed out when I told him I was in a relationship and/or not interested. Most recently was in the last month. Right now I can’t help but feel slightly jaded because he’s in a “Facebook official” relationship with someone he’s never even met. My feelings of low self-worth have crept back, and I’m hurt that she’s clearly “good enough” to commit to but I never was. I’ve done a lot of research on emotionally unavailable relationships, and this explains his BS cycle of behaviour. He’s 34 and he’s never been married. The longest relationship was several years (if that) which ended because he pursued a girl he’d been obsessed with since childhood. That didn’t last and he’s been single until now. Just six months ago the overseas woman announced online that she was moving to his country, with some insinuation that she’d met someone “special” (clearly was him). That same week he was hitting up someone I know on a dating site, unbeknownst to him. Even today, his online dating profile and casual “hook up” profile are active. But still... despite all the shady behavior, I can’t help but believe he’s now combusted in to the sort of person I wanted all along. I believe she reaps all the benefits based on the fact that he’s committed to her, despite not having met and she’s clearly smitten. Am I missing something? Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 I think it sounds like he is seriously messed up. He hasn’t morphed into the type of guy you are looking for. I don’t know how to explain it, but I’ve seen this type of behavior and feel it in my bones. Be very, very happy you aren’t with him. And stop paying any attention to him. He would only mess up your life. He is not a prize in any way, shape, or form. I’m not a psychologist, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he has some sort of personality disorder. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 This happens all the time. That is why I tell people when someone says they don't want a relationship they mean they do not want a relationship with you. When they find someone who pushes all their buttons they will commit. That is why you see some guy string a girl along for years and not marry her, break up and he's married to another one in the next two years. My question to you is why are you still keeping track of this guy after he's treated you so horribly and you're in another relationship? You should be over this by now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blanchedroses Posted April 22, 2019 Author Share Posted April 22, 2019 This happens all the time. That is why I tell people when someone says they don't want a relationship they mean they do not want a relationship with you. When they find someone who pushes all their buttons they will commit. That is why you see some guy string a girl along for years and not marry her, break up and he's married to another one in the next two years. My question to you is why are you still keeping track of this guy after he's treated you so horribly and you're in another relationship? You should be over this by now. But he’s never even met her! How does he know whether or not she “pushes his buttons”? How can you even commit to someone who you’ve never met. Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 (edited) Bipolar? Borderline Personality Disorder? Just seriously messed up? Seriously, it’s not something any normal, sane person would do. So don’t take it personally and feel like it reflects on your value. It doesn’t. He’s messed up. And so is she. (Edit) SERIOUSLY. I’M NOT KIDDING. Edited April 22, 2019 by Veronica73 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 It sounds like this wasn't so much a romantic entanglement with him - more like FWB with you wanting more. Please don't ever go waiting for a guy who won't commit. Expect more for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blanchedroses Posted April 22, 2019 Author Share Posted April 22, 2019 It sounds like this wasn't so much a romantic entanglement with him - more like FWB with you wanting more. Please don't ever go waiting for a guy who won't commit. Expect more for yourself. But we never slept together. We were never sexual. The most we did was kiss. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 My mistake - I missed that. What specifically were these advances and promises he made? And are you aware that flirting can happen between mates just for a bit of fun? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 In your previous post you mentioned that you held on because of his potential. Sweetie, a guy who ghosts numerous times has zero potential. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 (edited) The answer lies in his actions. He's on and off. He started talking to someone else. It means, he's not into you. If he was, he'd commit. No games, no feeling confused. No resistance and friction. Simple as that. He's not into her either. He's a messed up dude who needs to sort himself out. Protect your well being and drop him because his messed up behaviour is going to mess you up. - Beach Edited April 22, 2019 by Beachead 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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